Anybody done a dissolution?

I haven't done a dissolution, but I saw that many people read your post, but no one replied... and I'm sure someone here has been through this... so I thought I'd bump it back up to the top. We struggled for a long time with what to say when people asked us how many kids we have... do we count the two that WE consider our kids, but left us to live with an aunt and uncle after many months? Do we count the one who just left who's bio brother still lives here? Its a hard question and only you can know what you're comfortable saying. If its strangers, we say we have "two babies" if they ask if they are twins we say "no, its complicated" and usually that stops further questioning. If it is someone who is NOT a stranger we either joke and say these are kids "9 and 10" (which they are) or we explain that we have had several placements, but these are the kids in our home right now. I would keep things that are special to you... especially if you think he may want them later in life. He may not realize their importance right now. You can also keep them "just for you". We kept some ornaments and other small stuff because we wanted to have those reminders of our kiddos. And, he's certainly old enough that you could ask him what he wants you to bring him. Hope this helps! Sorry you're going through this.

what a tough place. I remember it well. When they disrupted our son from us, we did save some things for him. I think its important because they can lose things. also, are you allowed to visit him? its important for his siblings to keep in touch with him. I would talk to the worker and explain how you are extended family and its important for mental health issues, that you stay involved somehow. unless you dont want to. and this adds to more problems with attachement for kids with attachement issues in the first place. they need to know not everyone just disappears. I am so sorry your going through this, it was such a horrible time in our family and I can understand the feelings you may have. We actually ended up adopting our son, he stablized alot when he was in his RTC, and I am thankful that the even though DSS couldnt see beyond their own crap, the RTC allowed us to visit.

I was one of those who read the post but didn't respond immediately ... we have experienced what might be considered a dissolution (tpr after finalization) as well as a "disruption" - ending placement before finalization. Neither was without heartache and pain so we do understand! ? - Are they using the term dissolution - we were told no court would consider dissolution ... DSS takes custody (through CPS), carries custody for a certain timeframe and then petitions the courts for guardianship and subsequently tpr ... taking about a year's timeframe. During that time you will be assessed for and required to pay child support (often retroactive to the time of out of home placement) if you are not already. In our case the child was hoping a 1/2 sister would adopt him (he was 13/14) and requested the courts order a stop of contact (which never did materialize) and his items be furnished to them for him which we complied with - we did keep a few personal items (pictures, etc.) and eventually forwarded them to the worker for him. Initially if you have any contact (correspondence, cards, etc.) make sure you keep a copy of everything ... it may be important to verify you didn't just abandon him. Post questions if you have them and if I can assist with information and advice, I'll be glad too - again it is not without expecting this that you are at this point due to history but that doesn't make it any easier!

We have a little girl from a dissolution. We took her as a private placement. She never entered back into foster care. She has contact with her previous family any time she wants it. We do visits, write letters, send pictures, e-mails, etc. We are actively involved in each other's lives. Part of this is because they have her biological brothers, but I would still allow the contact even if they didn't.There were 2 kids that we lost before we could finalize. It broke my heart, and we still consider them part of our family. When people ask how many kids I have, I say "right now I have two". Some will ask questions, others let it go. If they ask I say that we had two other kids in our home that were moved to a new home.I have a box of things for these two kids that I did not send with them. They are very special and precious and I knew they would get lost, broken, whatever. Our little girl was given a Tiffany china setting for her first birthday, we have some silver photo albums and banks engraved with their names, and things that were hand made for them.I have promised my 14 year that I will help them find the 2 kids when they turn 18. We basically know where they are now, and he may be allowed to have contact with them before they are 18. Either way, I will pass these things onto them when they are adults.We also have a tradition in our house that each year I buy a new ornament for the kids. When each child moves out into their own place and has their first Christmas tree, they get all their ornaments to put on their tree. I still continue this for the two that are gone. They will get the ornaments when they are old enough. They will know that I loved them enough to continue doing it.The other thing that I do is keep a diary for them. When I think of something I would want to tell them, hear or see something that reminds of them, I write it down. They will also get this when they are old enough.I don't know if any of this helps you at all, but we have it from both ends.

Thanks for the replies. I did get served this weekend and the papers are talking about termination, so I don't know if they plan to move straight to that or not. I would be happy to pay child support at this point, it couldn't be more expensive than the cash pay RTC. I think I am going to keep a box for him and hope we can keep in touch or at least locate him later. I've only taken in kids that were free for adoption, so this is the first one I've 'lost'...I had a couple opportunities this weekend to answer the "how many children do you have?" question and realized it didn't really matter whether I answered 4 or 5 with the superficial interest most people have in the answer. I also have to say (though it isn't over yet), every single person I have dealt with in this, including community resources like the CRCG committee, post adopt services, CPS caseworkers and investigators has been very, very nice, understanding and helpful. I know that hasn't been everyone's experience and so I was braced for the worst, but I have really been so impressed with everybody. I appreciate ya'lls support! It really helps to know I'm not the only one.