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So - I want to hear what you guys think about making the gifting 'even' between kids - when Christmas is spent together. I am conflicted - for complicated reasons that involve my parented child not getting gifts from his sisters extended adoptive family...but them opening gifts Christmas morning together...I don't want one to feel 'more loved' because they got more gifts from mom - but I also don't want my parent son to feel that he is less loved - because his sisters extended family has sent gifts here for her...and none for him.He's not able to understand things that well yet...even though he's 13...he's autistic and everything is very black and white for him. I should add, I've made it known to anyone sending gifts from my family (some do...some don't) that they need to take their budget and split it in half and buy something for both kids...I've had no problem with my family on this...This isn't an attitude shared by my daughters adoptive family...and if it is, it hasn't been expressed thus far...This is a really really complicated situation - I just want both kids to enjoy Christmas and not feel 'left out'...Please help me not to screw up...or at least have someone to blame if I do :D
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Brandy,
If I were in your position, I would take your daughter's mom and dad aside or whatever and just ask them to put her presents from her extended family back until you leave.
Frame it in the fact that your son just doesn't and can't understand the why's of the situation. There is no harm in that. You can be gentle about it with all of them.
I can totally see where you are coming from on this. I don't ever anticipate having Christmas with kiddo, but if we did, I would want things to be appear to be "even" for my parented child if they couldn't understand the situation.
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Hmmmmm ok.... What about a drive to look at lights while she opens things from her family? Or something similiar? Can your son tolerate something like that?
Or..... You could hit the dollar store and pick up stuff for your son so he has a bunch of stuff to open (even if you just pitch it in the end) while she is opening her other presents.
What I am doing for someone is a box of "goodies" that he has mentioned over the past six months at work. Well someone has this, I wish I had it.... so I have a whole box of stuff that I have probably spent about 20 bucks on, but there are ALOT of presents there. So I like to watch people open presents, hehe. Could you do something like that for your son? Granted it wouldn't be even monetarily, but he would be occupied with his own stuff.
I was thinking along those lines too......
maybe you could just have a few extra things for your son to open while hsi sister is opening her "extras" from extended family?
Not the same thing, but I have a dilemma with presents also. My kids first family comes for a visit for Christmas and floods my kids with gifts that they have collected over the time since we have seen them last. They aren't raising any children, paying mortgages, etc..... like we are. We do buy for the kids big brother (and spend a decent amount of money always), but last year I felt terrible that he only had 4 things to open from us, while my kids had about 15 each. Because we always visit after the actual holiday, I had thought about asking them to mail them to the kids, but decided against it because I know how much fun it is to actually watch them open them and react, and also because I like that the kids know who they are from, as opposed to the gifts getting mixed up in the Christmas chaos.
Sorry, didn't mean to run off on your thread.......
My dh's parents never tried to make it even between their 5 kids. It had a huge impact on some, and not so huge on others (I suppose probably the ones who always got less were affected the most).They always open their gifts one at a time, each person takes a turn and they start with the youngest and move on up to the oldest. It was extremely obvious when someone only had 2 gifts and someone else had 7 (yes, this did happen). I would say, if you can wrap up things you know he'll enjoy without breaking the bank, then his joy will be worth it for you. However, if you think he really won't realize she has more, then it might not make a huge impact.What a tough position to be in, Brandy.
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I would try and even the presents out. If all of the gifts are being opened at the same time perhaps gifts from extended family could be asked that it is 2 smaller gifts for your son, and 1 gift for the daughter? so it 'looks' like more? Is there a hobby or something that your son is into that can be packaged in smaller packages? Like building sets, books sets, puzzles My understanding is that some autistic kids can get great enjoyment over having a ton of 'everydayish' duplicates that they can play with to their hearts content - like shaving cream, flashlights
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