Do you have a good relationship with BM?

Yes, we get along, but we have a pretty different situation, and H's bmom doesn't ever try to give me advice. I don't think it's rude to assert yourself as the parent---that's what you are. Best advice I can think of is to treat her as you would treat anyone else who gave you unsolicited advice. Be gentle but firm---e.g. "I appreciate your concern, but I've got baby's schedule under control." If she persists, sit down with her and discuss it---tell her how the comments affect you. I think you have to do this not only for yourself, but for your daughter---you want to set a good example for her.

I get along very well with our bmom. She has never given me advice. I think you tell her that you appreciate the advice, but you are happy with what you are doing right now. I think that she is just trying to show concern for her child and maybe these are things her mom/dad did when she grew up. So just tell her honestly how you are feeling and hopefully she will understand

I do get along very well with DD's birth mom. Besides simply liking her as a person, I also respect that she always treats me as if I am DD's parent (of course, I am, but you know what I mean), and respects our decisions for DD. I don't know how old your child is, but I find that it gets easier also as time goes on to realize that it is OK to embrace your role as your child's parent and make the decisions you see fit. Maybe you can have a chat with your child's birth mom and say, "hey, you know I love/respect you, but I feel uncomfortable when you question the decisions we make." Honestly, I find that many of my friends are "buttinskys" and think they know how "best" to raise a child so maybe she is doing it because of that, as opposed to feeling like as a birth mom she has a "say" in how you raise your child. Good luck!!

We get along great with the girls' birthmom! From the very beginning, she's been affirming of our role as parents. I think we've succeeded in respecting her needs and boundaries, as well.

D was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I think that pretty much says it all.

I think loveajax hit it on the head. It does get easier as time goes on. We had a rocky start but are smooth sailing now. I think for me it was trying not to hurt her feelings during such a difficult time for her and asserting myself as the parent. There came a point I had to sit down with her and assure her I will always be honest even if it hurts her feelings and I expect the same from her, we would always have a place in our home and hearts for her, she will always be our child's mother, and we expect her to be someone our child is proud of. (we are dealing with issues most adoptive families don't have to worry about like drugs and mental illness) We have proven over time we care for her and will always be here for her but with limitations. She is one of my dearest friends and the first one I call to complain or brag about our dd to. We both had to learn our roles, this is not something that came easy to either one of us.

At the beginning, S was very much an advice giver. She is parenting her older son, and always said how much Jack would be like Iggy, and assumed that the two would have the same growth and milestone experiences. Once Jack got older, it got easier, and she didn't lecture as much. The route of "thanks for the advice" and then changing the topic is a good one. If it really does get rude and interfering, then you may want to talk with her directly about it.:hippie:

We have a wonderful relationship with "E" and her extended family as well. We spend Castle's birthday together and are planning to have dinner with them on Thursday night so they can shower Castle with gifts and we can give "E" her gift. "E" is very immature and sometimes does things we do not approve of, we got very close to her during the three months before Castle's birth and love her very much so it hurts us to see her make mistakes. I think you should just talk with your child's bparents and let them know that they chose you to parent this child and that requires them to trust the decisions that you make for them, of course say this in a nice way! LOL Sometimes you just have to set boundries and stick with them.