Adoptees What Would You Do If....

I'd totally flip out and close the door on you. But then I don't stalk anyone so I don't know how I would take that. My first brother wanted my ex's dad to bring him to meet me and just show up on my doorstep, thank goodness that ex's dad realized that would be REALLY stupid and wouldn't do it. I wish I had answers for you. I don't have a relationship with any of my first family, so I just don't know.

I guess stalking was a bad choice of words. It just appears that she is reading my blogs and looking at my pics all the time. My adoptee friends say that they would probably do that too.

Maybe write in your blog on how you want to meet her face to face.. and how you are in poor health.. It took over a year to finally get into meeting my bson.. Jackie

Silver, As an adoptee, I would let you in and talk to you. But of course, we are all different. I hear what you are saying though. I have thought about doing that to my birth father. Just to have a look at him. Kim

We have been in long distance, no face to face, reunion for over five years. Several times there has been the option and she pulled back and quit talking to me if it is mentioned. But I fear time is running out.

SilverWitch,First, I am so sorry to hear that you are in poor health, and fear that time is running out. I feel driven to make family connections between my found son and the rest of his natural family, so that if anything happens... well, those connections will have been made. I, too, feel short on time.Second, I like Jackie's suggestion. Since you know she reads your blog, that does sound like a good way to let her know about your health and your feelings that time is running out. If, after being candid on your blog about the situation, you do not get a response, and if your health continues to fail... well, you may want to revisit the idea of seeking her out for a F2F. How far away from you does she live? If you do consider a F2F, I hope you will have someone with you for support.My thoughts are with you, SilverWitch...Peace,Susan

Actually, my health has been on the downs for a long time. She is well aware of this situation. We are on the outs because of the issues she has and my need to back off for a bit. She got very angry and will not speak at all to me. But like I said, she checks my page daily, most of the time, and reads my blogs. As for support, no, there is none. My family is very negative about her because of her behavior, the on again off again thing. They don't understand at all how complicated this is. To them, she is my daughter - they all know her from when she was little, and she should get her crap together and stop acting so angry. I have tried to explain but they all get this very blank look and I know that they will never get it. My spouse, on the other hand, while he has been totally supportive in the past, has pulled that support away. He wants nothing to do with her because of the things she said and did. He feels that she only wants to hurt me, to make me pay for her crappy life. So, as always, on my own with this. But I will not give up. I love her and always have. I know we can work this out.

Bad, BAD idea to show up at the door. When she's ready, it's an option-- until then, no way. Keep up the online myspace/email contact. Give her time. Some communication, even if from a distance, is a great start. Best of luck to you.I'm also sorry to hear about your health. I would just write on your blog about your wishes, concerns, hopes, etc. and happiness that you're talking to her. That'll let her know without forcing it.