Venting

Never know exactly why things work out the way they do until you get the baby you know God intended for you and your family and at that time you completely understand the timing issues that you faced. It at that time doesn't seem so bad and definately feels like it was worth it all. Good luck and best wishes. Keep us posted on how things go and hopefully it won't be long that you have your own family.

SMUAGS, no words of wisdom other than I can relate to your feelings as I sit here and wait. I believe though that when we hold the children that are meant for us, we will then have that 'aha' moment and KNOW why we had to wait......stay strong, know you are not alone.... <<<<<hugs>>>>>

We were also matched quickly and brought the baby home straight from the hospital. For 5 weeks we were on cloud 9. We finally were parents after yrs of pain and crushed dreams. However, after 5 weeks the bparents changed their minds and we had to relinquish. We were devestated to say the least. At the time I thought nothing could ever be worse (I was wrong). 3 months later we were matched just 4 days before our son was born. That road also had some big bumps but this time it worked out. When our son was 6 months old we finalized. We were so happy!!!! We headed into our first Christmas as a family full of hope and big dreams for the future. Then over Christmas (when our baby was 8 months old) my healthy 43 yr old husband of 13 years died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. I was suddenly a single Mom of a baby. That was 2 years ago. What have I taken from all this? Well first, when they say adoption is not for the faint of heart, I have found that to be true. Actually life is not for the faint of heart. As any mother I am TOTALLY in love with my son. I cannot imagine any path except the one that led me to him. But I am not one who believes everything happens for a reason. Some things defy explanation or understanding. Sometimes there are no answers to our questions. I do believe however that for 'most' the adoption road is filled with dips, twists and turns. But I believe that if you just take one small step at a time and never give up, you'll ride out all of the bumps in the road and you will end up with a child. Some day that nursery will hold a child.... your child. Some of the greatest perserverance I have ever felt in my heart was in my quest to be a Mom. Then the greatest perserverance I have felt is in the quest to protect and provide for my son since I lost my husband. We moms, whether curently praticing or currently waiting to be, are more resilient then we know. Just stay the course and your turn will come. In the meantime link yourselves with people who have walked in your shoes or are on the same path. If you husband is feeling more optimistic than you, then lean on his strength. (((hugs))) Lori

Wow Lori and all, I am so sorry for your losses.

Lori, thanks for the words of wisdom. I am truly sorry for all that you have been through. Your strength is amazing. I want to believe that all will work out for me, but it is just hard. My good days are more abundant, but when those bad days show up, they kick me in the gut. It is really comforting to read the replies. My friends and co-workers all tell me the same typical things and I think that if they could walk just two feet in my shoes, they would really understand. Well they can't but I still appreciate their attempts. I think right now they are all afraid to talk about it with me for fear that I will crack. That's hard, because I want them to so that I can rebuild my hope. I hate that you all know exactly how I feel, but I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks to everyone.

Smuags: You are right. It's hard because generally those that are closest to us have not experienced an adoption loss. Some think if the baby was never in our arms, or not legally ours, that our hearts stay detached. Not so. The fear that it will never happen for us is so painful. Unfortunately sometimes to receive support we need to constantly educate people about how this feels to us. Sometimes we have to be very blunt. Such as, "I am so afraid this will never happen for me. I need my friends to continue to tell me my turn will come...". Or, "I know I sound like a broken record, but I need to be able to talk about this....". It's exhausting. Sometimes we want people just to be able to read our minds or feel what is in our heart. But unfortunately those are few and far between. As with any loss sometimes the friends you thought would 'get it' are not your best support. Ocassionally an acquaintance or new friend emerges. Sometimes this happens because our experience strikes a chord with someone and they come forward and share with you. You find common ground and from that a new support system may arise. Keep your senses aware of that possibility. (((Hugs))) Lori

Smuags....I just want you to know that I feel your pain and your desperation. I was there for what felt like forever. We had four failed matches within a year and a half and this past Christmas, we had a baby boy in our home for five days and then had to return him to his mother. I truly felt it would NEVER happen.....even though I didn't give up. There were many dark moments....many nights of crying myself to sleep....many days of lying (literally) on the nursery floor and begging for a child to finally fill that nursery with love. On the way home from taking the baby boy back to his mother, we got a call about our daughter. We were on a plane in four days and now we have had her with us for a month. I still don't feel that it is real sometimes. After being matched so many times and then having the rug pulled out from under me, I still have a difficult time realizing this really could work out.....and I have our baby girl in our home. So please know all of these feelings are justified and that you are not alone. Everyone is right.....adoption and life are not for the faint of heart. It is a journey with many twists and turns. Good luck on your journey.