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I recently received a call form a young man who said he was my son. The name he gave me was not the name I thought 'my son' had...(another long story) but hey, I had been waiting for this call for 22 years and the joy I had in that instant was immeasurable. Documents he had in front of him as he spoke clearly identified me as his bmom. We talked for nearly 40 minutes, as we shared clif note versions of our lives. We made plans to meet the next week and bring pictures. The next day he was ALL I thought about. What a gift! My son's adoption was "closed," but in Kansas, the adoptee can go find a bparent after they're 18. The only thing that was weird was that the name I thought my son had was actually on this young man's paperwork as well. That raised some questions. Well, to make a long story short, 2 days after the phone call, this young man and I sat across a table from each other looking over his paperwork to try and make sense of it all...and we did. He had the same sir name as mine and someone in the department of C and F Services "overlapped" (as they put it) his information with my son's. I cannot describe the grief. Here was this vulnerable young man sitting before me with a hole in is heart and here I was, realizing for the first time since I walked away from my baby in the hospital, how deep the pain and longing still is after all these years. Of course I think of my son frequently, but when the possibility of connection became a reality, I realized I had been stuffing more emotion over the loss than I was aware of. Now the wait for my son is so painful. I don't know if he even wants to find me. And then this young man...he's faced with another journey, another phone call, and what if she doesn't want to be found or can't be?? It's so unbelievable!
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Thank you, Lori, for sharing such encouragement. I plan to contact the young man who called last week. His birthday is Monday and I already bought him a card. :) One of the things I had written in my journal about him was that I would have liked meeting him under any circumstance, as he was so genuine and thoughtful and kind. I will tell him that in his birthday card, and hope we stay in touch, as I too hope like crazy that his experience in finding his bmom is a good one.
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Thank you, Lori, for sharing such encouragement. I plan to contact the young man who called last week. His birthday is Monday and I already bought him a card. One of the things I had written in my journal about him was that I would have liked meeting him under any circumstance, as he was so genuine and thoughtful and kind. I will tell him that in his birthday card, and hope we stay in touch, as I too hope like crazy that his experience in finding his bmom is a good one.
face2faceintime
....I doubt if I do anything. I'm just thinking that if he was/ is interested in connecting with me then he will make a move, and if not, then I don't want to bother him. My hope upon hope is of course that he will. I wrote him a letter right before he was born indicating my desire to see him always, and I was told by my attorney that his parents would give it to him when he was ready to understand his situation. So, I pretty sure he knows I want to see him when he's ready.
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Boy, I sure wish all you guys were around here. I can't begin to estimate the value of a local support group consisting of the people who've already taken the time to be so encouraging, personable and interested. I hate it that your daughter wasn't given your letter. That's so wrong! I wish you could have heard 'wrong son' when I thought he was mine and told him about 'the letter.' I asked him if he got it (not knowing of course, how tings would unfold) and he said, "Oh...man...I'm so sorry. They never gave me any letters from you. I feel so bad for you, here you've been waiting all this time thinking I that I didn't want to call you, and if I had had that letter I would have called you that day! " He was so sweet. I sure hope my son was given the letter. I'm going to give my attorney a little time. She said she'd get back with me by the end of this coming week. After that, I'll have to do some thinking. I guess I'm a little scared. In the mean time...'wrong son' doesn't live so far away and is playing in a band. He invited me to come, so guess where I'll be??? ;) Oh...I almost forgot .... ((((HUGS)))) right back!! :)
Hi Face2face,
I just wanted to tell you what a wonderful person you are! At a time when you're emotions must be going hog wild, to take the time to reach out to someone whom you meet by fate...to see someone else's pain and want to help...that takes a very special person. Who knows, maybe you can help each other through this process. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.
I wish you all the best! Keep us posted not only with your search but with what happens with the "wrong son". Sounds like it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship! LOL!
Lori
face2faceintime
Boy, I sure wish all you guys were around here. I can't begin to estimate the value of a local support group consisting of the people who've already taken the time to be so encouraging, personable and interested. I hate it that your daughter wasn't given your letter. That's so wrong! I wish you could have heard 'wrong son' when I thought he was mine and told him about 'the letter.' I asked him if he got it (not knowing of course, how tings would unfold) and he said, "Oh...man...I'm so sorry. They never gave me any letters from you. I feel so bad for you, here you've been waiting all this time thinking I that I didn't want to call you, and if I had had that letter I would have called you that day! " He was so sweet. I sure hope my son was given the letter. I'm going to give my attorney a little time. She said she'd get back with me by the end of this coming week. After that, I'll have to do some thinking. I guess I'm a little scared. In the mean time...'wrong son' doesn't live so far away and is playing in a band. He invited me to come, so guess where I'll be??? ;) Oh...I almost forgot .... ((((HUGS)))) right back!! :)
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In my opinion, I think all this "coincidental information" about your birth son, is a Sign from the LORD, telling you to search for your son!
I believe your disclosure of contact with your son, has been met, since he is over 18 yrs. of age. What is stopping you from doing the initial searching? It sounds like you really want to be Reunited with him someday. I hope someday you are Reunited, what is meant to be, will be.
Dear Quilliam,
Thanks for your encouragement. Interestingly enough, "wrong son" has sent a message to my son for me. He offered to do that b/c he felt that it was the least threatening way to contact him and still help me reunite with him quicker than maybe it would have happened on it's own. Obviously, my son had not yet decided to search for me, but we thought that a message from this other 22 year old, simply saying that he had received all my info by mistake and has it for him if he's interested, would be a good way to open the door, so to speak. Unfortunately, that was a month ago, and so far...nothing. I am trying to be patient, but it is hard. I am hanging on to your words, "what is meant to be, will be." God is in control.
face2faceintime
God is in control.
I wrote him a letter right before he was born indicating my desire to see him always, and I was told by my attorney that his parents would give it to him when he was ready to understand his situation. So, I pretty sure he knows I want to see him when he's ready.
My daughters Aparents have a letter from me saying I am open to contact with her. She will be 18 in a few days and I have learned from Amom that my daughter has never seen the letter. I am disapointed because we had a semi-open adoption and my daughter knows so little of me and bio-dad.
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I met my son back in April...finally. I found out that they didin't even tell him he was adopted until he was 8, and didn't give him the letter until last year. (He is 22 now) I don't have time to go into alot, but the bottom line is that he has had a great life, and now I have a chance to get to know him. The more I see him, the more I WANT to see him, and that is hard at times...self control and not burdening him with too much emotion can wear me out. I am just greatful that he is interested in knowing me and has demonstrated that by initiating meetings consistantly since we first made contact. I will pray for you and your situation. I know it hurts.