What would Jesus want me to do?

Get caller ID. This is getting in the way of your Christian Walk and that is NOT what the Lord wants IMO. Talk to your pastor for some guidance on this.

Giving to these people is just enabling their current behavior. And I doubt they are living the way the Lord wants them to live. I agree that you should talk with your pastor. I also think that you should no longer support them. Offer to teach them how to fill out a job application or offer to help them set up a budget. But giving them something every time they call is not really being Christian, because you are just helping them continue to live this kind of unproductive life.

This is way out of line from a Christian walk. There is a difference in wants and needs. If she were being responsible it MIGHT be another thing but it's time she learns that you adopted her child not her and that she is a big girl with big girl problems and she needs to find the way to solve them on her own! Just mho!

We have a similar situation. We have relatives who ask for money, etc. We do give money to some of them, and do not expect it back. Usually the one relative pays us back when they are able, but we don't keep a 'record' and do not give if we aren't able at the time.We have other relatives who also will ask for money, but we do not give money to them. We know that the money will not be used wisely (food, housing, etc.) and that these relatives have a variety of problems that having additional money would not help, some of which involve illegal activities.You may choose not to talk on the phone, or you may choose to address what is being said. You can often cut conversations a bit short by suggesting that what is being discussed is gossip and that you are bound by conviction to not discuss other people in that way. You can be candid and let first grandmother know that you don't wish to discuss her daughter's problems, period. If you continue to help you need to not keep a record if it is going to become a record of wrongs...if it causes any inkling or hint of bitterness then you need to find a way to change that. I would suggest not giving more than you are willing to not get back. If you know that the first mom has drug problems, do not give her money. Let her know that you are praying for her, give her numbers of agencies/charities/groups within her area that help with job searching, rent assistance, clothing and food. We were more than happy to do a little leg work (ok, I did the research) and Dh would relay the info as they are his relatives. We've said no more often than we've said yes to various requests. The thing is that there will always be requests for various things and we have learned to just weigh the options. Sometimes we can do as requested, sometimes we can find a way to help out using other methods, and sometimes we say no.As an example, we had to say no to providing a temporary home for one of the kids (they were about 19 at the time) because there was a probation officer involved and we knew that the relative was likely to have some drug involvement, wouldn't be real receptive to house rules, etc. After discussing our options with the probation office we decided that it would not be a good thing to have the relative stay with us...but I spent some time on the phone and found some housing programs in the area where the relative was staying at the time. Long story short, the relative opted to not move off the streets and continued living the way they chose. I do not feel responsible for their choices and the consequences that came with them because we did what we were able to do in order to find a place for them to stay and get help...if they wanted it. They didn't, so that was that.Having some basic rules that you and Dh agree on BEFORE the situation arises again would probably be helpful. Decide what you can and cannot do. You've done the groceries, the money, the job thing...so you might explore some programs and agencies that your relative can access for herself if she chooses. Have that contact info handy by the phone to share with her if she asks. Having to do some of the work themselves often helps people realize what they want to do, and what they don't want to do.Another option is to not give money directly to them. Dh said to be truthful with them and get the info for paying their bills without giving them the money. If you know that they are struggling with meeting their rent or electrical bills, you might go pay a bill for them anonymously. We've done that for friends who've NEVER asked for help from us in any way, but who we know have a difficult time financially. It is a fine line at times, and you have to look at the motives in your heart to see that you aren't being sinful in your responses. Pray and ask for guidance and be in agreement with your Dh as to how is best to work though this. Oh, and we've also adopted a relative. :) Came back to add that we have caller id, and an unlisted phone number.

Thanks for your respones everyone. This situation has really been hard on me. Just to clarify, I do not keep a "record" of the good deeds dh and I do. We help out alot in our Church, our community and various relatives/friends. I don't expect repayment, unless someone specifically says, I will pay you back at such and such time. It's just when certain people continue to ask for a hand out, knowing full well that they can and should go to work like normal people. I have no problem helping people that helps themselves, it's the ones who expect life and everyone else to just give,give give...... I have talked to my Pastor about this. He knows more about the situation than most Pastors would anyway because he's my dad, lol! He advises me to pray for them and has also told me that he feels like we are being taking advantage of. We were warned by several different family members on dh's side that if we helped them once they would try their best to suck us dry. This even came from the first grandma's own mother who works solely for the purpose of helping them out. She is retired, draws a decent pension, but she can't stretch it far enough between them. They are always asking for more, more, more. It just bothers me because I think about what Jesus did for me. He was beaten, spit on, cursed, hung on a cross and died to pay for my sins, your sins, their sins. Thats just a portion of what HE did, ys know. So I think to myself, have I done enough. After much prayer and thought I do believe I have done enough for these people. Does that mean I won't every help them out again, no, but it does mean that I can and will say no sometimes without feeling guilty. Through prayer I will not feel strife for those that wrongfully use me. I will instead pray for them to get motivated to help themselves. Pray for them to have wisdom and most importantly pray for their Salvation.

When I read your post what came to mind was Jesus chasing the money changers out of his Fathers Temple. I donҒt believe He felt one bit of guilt about that. In many ways your family is your Temple too. I believe He would want you to protect it with all your might. That is not to say dont ever provide help as you said. Just be sure it is help that is long term in nature. As you said so well, help those who help themselves. Take care and IҒm so sorry that there our those out there who put good people like you in this position.

Thank you Oceans.

Jesus did the same thing for your relatives even though they USE you - I don't believe Jesus sacrifaced his life for us to enable & assist users. I believe he went thru that torture for ALL of us-we ALL benefit from his sacriface yet only some of us feel an obligatiion to acknowledge it & pass on kindness & human compassion to others. I feel like I do my part thru fostering-I believe orphans & widows are mentioned in the Bible - not users.It must be so hard.

"It just bothers me because I think about what Jesus did for me. He was beaten, spit on, cursed, hung on a cross and died to pay for my sins, your sins, their sins. Thats just a portion of what HE did, ys know. So I think to myself, have I done enough?" Jesus himself said "The poor we will always have with us" as he allowed Mary Magdalene to annoint his feet with perfume and oil. It is right to enjoy the comforts of your life and the fruits of your labors so long as you do not make them first in your life, or store them up without regard for the poor. You clearly DO give to the poor, but you are NOT expected to give to ALL the poor ALL the time! I also adopted a relative's child and I gave to that relative more than I had to give and more than I should have for her own good. I spent all my savings on her legal bills, medical bills, rent, bail, etc. Now I am in financial trouble and have to return to work after retirement in order to support the child that God gave me to raise. PLEASE, don't let guilt over your good fortune put you in this position.

Feeling, it sounds like you've got it in perspective. It can be difficult sometimes to not feel guilty for not doing more, but saying no doesn't mean that you aren't generous or caring for the welfare of others.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everyone's input!

Help those in need, not give all you have and become dependent on others. You have done your fair share and they are using you. If you want to help them tell them NO and help them get a job to make the money they need. Tell them there will be NO more handouts from you but you are there for emotional support. Your heavenly rewards will be great...you are a good christian. God Bless you!!

Thank you mommy2been. I did help get our son's first mom get a job. I called my cousin who is a big boss at a local company and he had her hired in for a postion that was open. Guess what, that didn't last long at all. Less then 2 weeks I think. I did tell him upfront that even though she was related to my dh, I honestly didn't know her very well, but if he would give her a chance I would most appreciate it. It's funny, before we got the call to take in our beautiful son, these were relatives we saw maybe once a year. Never talked to on the phone, but they knew we would be able to care of him. Things happen for a reason. God had a plan. His plans are not always understood at the time, but I thank Him everyday for that phone call. No matter what has happened, I have a baby boy that I love and cherish. He completes our family. My bio children have bonded to him so well. It's amazing what God can and will do! May God Bless you!