Should children given up for adoption later be able to contact their birth parents?

Bprice - congrats on a successful reunion, wish everyone could have one. Raven - your post on page one said it all, you are still a parent. Brandy - you are correct - medical history should flow both ways - that is why I finally got up the nerve to search and open myself to whatever pain could happen because I felt they needed to know my medical issue as well as my needing theirs. I do not understand why the medical community is not speaking out on this - how many million adoptees from the BSE era are now reaching the age when most problems show up... Birth parents have gone through something they never should have had to...no one can deny their pain and if they do not want a relationship, they should not be forced into it but provide the medical info - it is your child's health at stake. Kind regards,Dickons

I agree Brandy. My son has some things that I know are genetic but I can't get that information from his parents b/c they feel it is theirs. Well, I have nothing, no information because my firstmom won't give me any and they won't give me any. I'm trapped and it bites.

Brandy, In perfect world that would work The only thing I see differnt her is that for me its not JUST about medical information. I want total disclsousre of all my information. Including names.

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I feel that all Adoptee's have the right to know who their birth families are, medical and family tree histories and everything else they want to know. They are entitled to all this, just like a non-adopted person is. Shortly after my fiancee' was Reunited in November of 2007, he was given many photographs of his Bio family, grandparents, aunts, uncles. He was also given all his family's Medical History, along with over a hundred paged family tree history dating back to the 1600's. He is in the process of trying to form a relationship with his Bmom and taking everything slow and easy. He has only been told tid bits about "Why he was placed for Adoption" but his birth mom isn't ready to tell him, the whole story yet. In time, we hope. This Summer, the family secret of 54 years, is to be revealed and told, as he is suppose to meet his bio half siblings, for the first time. They will learn they have another half brother, they never knew about.

I think that as an adult, I should have access to my bmom's information. I was talking with my adoptive father last weekend, and he told me that the judge let my birthmom's name slip during the adoption hearing...but that he never wrote it down and can't remember it. That's one more chance I could have had, and it hurts that I may never know.

I believe in the adoptees right to their OBC... no holds barred. It is time for the goverment to get out of the business of being everyone's parent. Sealed records were not designed to protect first parents or adoptees. They were designed to protect adoptive parents (Many of whom do not want that privilage) and agencies.

Someone said "they (adoptees) should have that right (to search) presented to them if all agree in the triad". When do we stop being adopted children? I am 56 years old. Do I still need my aparents' permission to look for my bfamily? Would any other adult citizen expect to need parental permission for anything? In the eyes of the law we are still considered, and treated like, children. We are denied basic information about ourselves which anyone else would demand as a right. We can't get copies of our original birth certificates. It's MY birth. MY document. I have been put in contact with birth family on both sides, and this was done by the government, and they still won't provide me with a copy of my first birth certificate. Why? Because they say, "It might establish a precedent and although you might be comfortable with it other adopted 'children' might not be." (Quotation marks are mine.) Children????? Are we doomed to be children forever. I strongly disagree. We do NOT need the permission of the triad to search for birth family. The birth mother may choose not to have contact; that is her right. Approval from the aparents is not required. Certainly thier feelings should be treated with respect and gentleness, but the adoptee has the right to make the decision.

I agree as a 50 year old, we are treated as perpetual children that need to have govermental and societal permission to access our own history. I also beieve that however painful it is for the mothers of the situation a decent attempt at giving us the information should be made. Again, I repeat there is NO expecation of relationships on either side. But the basic info really does belong to the person that doesn't have it. As an adult we defintently don't need adoptive parents blessings, although it would make our lives a whole lot easier.

My experence is I have always been loved. Loved enough to get given to wonderful parents that taught me love, not love from blood relation, that does not matter. You can love someone it doesnt matter who gave birth to me it matters who taught me, loved me, took care of me when I was sick. Tried to find my birth parents 1 time 20 yrs ago the old fashion way. Pre internet, hired a lady and she found my birth mother. My birth mother didnt want me to contact her. I took it personlly, why didnt she want to talk to me. 20 years later I met a wonderful birth mother and her answer was, maybe it was to painful for her. Maybe she didnt want to cause you greif and trouble for your family. I never thought past my self. I have just started looking again and joined this today for all your support. Nobody understands but us. Nobody understands but them. Everyone can handle only so much pain in their lift maybe her pain was to much to bare. Thanks for support.:hypno:

Sealed records **for the adoptee** should be abolished. The birth "parents" made their choices, had a baby, and that baby should be allowed to contact them. If open records ** to adoptees themselves only** would never happen, then at least the state should be allowed to contact the birth "parent" if an adoptee contacts them. It's about time people have some personal responsibility in all of this. Birth "parents" should be happy knowing that adoptees could contact them (perhaps with mutual consent) one day. They made the good choice, and should take the responsiblity in their lives that they have a child out there somewhere, and if he/she wants contact, they should be able to muster a short phone call to answer a few questions the adoptee should have. Adoptees shouldn't have to spend decades in hopes of finding a match. How would you like not knowing who your parents are? Similarly, adoptees should be careful when contacting birth "parents." They should seek the birth "parent" themselves, and be careful when contacting other birth "relatives" to try to respect the birth "parents" privacy and current life obligations, emotions, etc.

Exactly, nicely said. I don't think that birth "parents" should have only once chance to choose (at birth!!) whether contact can or cannot be made. Too emotional of a time, and a horrible, horrible idea. Children have a right to know their medical histories, family histories, and parents-- whether they're adopted, or whether their mothers can't remember who the father is.

:love: I am blown away, A family member of mine, someone who i love very much stepped up and told me the truth about my adoption, i now know who my real mother and father are, my father has passed on, but my mom is alive and she's 82 years old, she has three other children older then me, two boys and a girl, i am the baby. Believe it or not i have known my biological mom my whole life, it turns out that she is my adopted mothers sister, for 53 years i have called her my auntee and have loved the ground she walked on, i always thought that this woman was so sweet and fun to be around, WRONG! A couple of years ago i asked her was she my real mother and she blessed me out with harsh words; no i am not your mother, she said you need to get with the lord, the only reason that i suspected that it was her in the first place was because she is the only one in my family that i look like, i look just like her! she flat out denied it, she was very angry with me, and now i know why, you see the way that it was explained to me was that she was married at the time that i was conceived and so was my biological father, real mom and dad were madly in love with each other when they were young, they never married each other, but they continued to see each other even after marrying other people. After several years of marriage, My birth mom and her husband were seperated for more than a year, and he had moved to a different state, he had a drinking problem, that is when she cheated and became pregnant with me, and gave birth while her husband was out of town, in order to keep it a secret from her husband, my adopted mom adopted me, and raised me as her own baby, you see my adopted mom is really my aunt and my biological mom is her baby sister! the secret was never supposed to be revealed, but my adopted mom blurted it out that i was adopted when i was 14 years old, and then tried to take it back by saying that she was joking. I feel really sad about the whole thing, because i can't tell anyone in the family that i know that its her, you see i made a promise to my relative who told me the truth to keep quite and let my real mom be the one to tell me the truth, my bio mom don't want this secret to come out, her other kids will fiind out that she cheated on there father while he was away. I can't even tell my brothers and sister the truth that i am not there cousin but there baby sister, this is a big mess, i am going to keep my mouth shut, i am ok with knowing the truth and my soul has been set free thanks to my relative, God bless her soul! she stuck her neck out for me to give me some peace of mind, if my adopted mom found out that the told me, there will be hell to pay. But the truth will set you free and i am finally free!!! not whole yet, but at least i know the truth, never give up searching for answers i didn't, i kept trying and asking questions, this is how my family member finally cracked and felt sorry for me and told me what i needed to hear, she felt pitty for me and compassion. I alway suspected that it was her, but i could not prove it, my relative also gave me my real name, its Lilly! i like it, and i also have my last name, it was exciting to learn who i really am, my real mom calls me sometime and we talk for hours but she doesn't have a clue that i know that she is my real mom and i can live with that for now. she lives about 4 hours from me in a different state, I know that she feels guilty i can hear it in her voice. Thanks for listening and when i get all the pieces put in there right place i will write back again, Thanks!!!!! Keep looking!!!!!

:banana: I have read alot of your comments and i have had second thoughts about the feelings that i had for my adopted mother, i was upset with her because she blurted out to me that i was adopted, but i realize that to care for someone elses child and not be able to have one of her own must have been heartbreaking for her. My adopted mother has always loved me this i know, but someone expressed to me that she was just venting out her own frustrations, and raising me just reminded her of how much she wanted to have a child of her own, i still feel that she could of told me in a different way, besides just blurting it out like she did, but i forgive her, she has tried so hard to make it up to me, she calls me a couple a times a day just to see how i am doing, buys me gifts and so on, i know that she regrets what she did, but you know what, she is the one who raised me, and she did a wonderful job, i have never been in any kind of trouble, i am well educated and a very loving person and also a good mother, she gave me values, my real mom her kids have all kinds of problems, but they are nice people, she is responsible for the way they were raised she was not there for them, i am glad that i was with my adopted mom, i realize that i owe her alot, she could have let me ended up somewhere else and who knows what could of happened to me, she loves me, and she proves it to me every day, i have put my anger in the closet and i am putting a lock on it, my adopted mom is the one who was at the hospital with me when my kids were born, and on other occassions when i was sick, graduations, proms, my wedding, birthdays etc, and she loves my kids as well. if i write down everything about her that i like it would take me a whole day to finish it, the good out weighs the bad hands down, biological mom was no where around to see any of it, so even though i know who she is now and she is my adopted moms baby sister, my adopted mom will get all the credit. my adopted mom regrets that she told me the truth thats how much she loves me as a daughter, my real mom refuses to admitt that she is my mom, but i have been told the truth by someone who has proof and can prove it, so i don't need my real mom to tell me who she is, i already knew. i just needed to hear it from someone else and i prayed to God for the truth and through a relative he delivered it. have a good day every one. Hugs and Kisses!!!! keep looking don't give up.

I'm glad you finally have some answers. I imagine your birth moms's pregnancy was quite scandalous for her and the family and that is probably why the arrangement was made for you to be adopted within the family. In my opinion, that secrecy ended up hurting you because you felt you were second best as an adopted child. I too an adoptive mom and I was unable to conceive a biological child. but my (adopted) son is my number one choice and no biological child could ever take his place. He knows his birth mom and has a good relationship with her (he is only 3 and a half, so a lot can still happen!). He will always know that she gave birth to him and that she loves him, just as I love him. Your family did the best they could at the time and did what they thought was right for you. But I think with time we have learned that no secrets should be kept from adopted children, and that nobody should ever adopt a child if they feel that it is "second best" to having a bio child. All the best in your healing, and I hope you and your first mom are able to have a good relationship form here on out.