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Hello, My husband and I are attempting to adopt and finding this to be a long journey with many disappointments. We are seeking information on reliable private agencies serving African-Americans. We would welcome any PM of your suggestions. Part of Our Story: Since Sept. we have been matched 3 times with the first two failing... 1. At time of delivery a family member decided to keep the baby 2. Second Match, mother thought she was having a girl had a boy and decided to keep the baby. 3. Now we are on our 3rd Match, and it seems to be weakening.... severe pressure from birthmom family for her to keep the baby. She is under so much stress she has lost 12 lbs and the baby weighs 4.5lbs... and this is her 9th month. I am beginning to wonder if our agency has difficulty screening a proper match. After the 2nd failed match we asked that we were not presented to a birth parent until at least a month prior to delivery. They presented this match 2 months prior to delivery (she is due 3/31). After many, many years of infertility and infertility treatment, and then finally becoming pregnant, I went into preterm labor at 5 months. Our daughter lived 1 day (March 14 is the 4 yr anniversary of her birth). With so much loss, and the up and down rollercoaster we are ready to move forward. So, whatever suggestions you have it really would be appreciated. Thank you in advance. Freda May 16, 2007... Agency Choosen :prop: Sept. 12, 2007... Homestudy accepted, our information able to presented to birth parents. :) Set. 21, 2007... Our First Match... baby due 10/31. :love: Oct. 2007.... Match failed, 1 week before due date :( Jan. 4, 2008.... Second Match... baby due 1/13 :dance: Jan. 8, 2008.... Second Match failed :( Jan. 15, 2008.... Our Third Match :eyebrows: March 3, 2008... Update received... feel match is weakening. :confused:
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That was exactly what we planned for. We just met with the birthparents to "get to know each other". Right when the SW visited the birthparents to discuss the detail of cradle care - the birthfather "freaked out" and changed his mind. I believe that he really didn't like the idea of an unknown family keeping the baby for the 10 day revocation period. I just worry that he will not be able to "parent" the baby.
Where is the baby now, with the dad? that is tough. Those wanting to meet each other can be real tricky, I went through a grilling by the mothers family.. that i can laugh about now. LOl After that I toughened up, and really got more input on the situations, "to not waste time".. sad to say. A good agency or independant social worker can really help with the go between as well.
Yes, the baby is with the dad. He has two other children, but they are raised by their mothers. I hope he can manage everything.... We actually really enjoyed meeting them. I got really close with the birthmom. She felt like a little sister. She was probably the most upset about the whole situation. She really wanted us to "have" her son.
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We requested cradle care. We got a call a few days before the revocation period was up and that's when we met DD's bmom for the first and only time. Prebirth matches are too overwhelming for everyone. I really don't like seeing AA families being tied up in prebirth matches even if it's a short match because they will miss out on situations where the baby is born and needs a home right away.
nickchris
You never know, :-) but I am wondering if your agency cannot provide any post birth match or baby born situations? my local agency was one of the popular agency for the area hospitals to call for the moms who change their minds with their parenting.
Sleeplvr
We requested cradle care. We got a call a few days before the revocation period was up and that's when we met DD's bmom for the first and only time. Prebirth matches are too overwhelming for everyone. I really don't like seeing AA families being tied up in prebirth matches even if it's a short match because they will miss out on situations where the baby is born and needs a home right away.
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I'll PM the agency information. My DS came from the foster care system. His mom showed up at the hospital to give birth and told them that she did not want to take him and requested that they call someone to arrange an adoption. We were signed up directly with the county so we were called. He was a healthy baby boy. You would be surprised at how often that happens. Most hospitals have a process in place and send "abandoned" babies to either a private agency or the foster care system.
Sleeplvr
I'll PM the agency information. My DS came from the foster care system. His mom showed up at the hospital to give birth and told them that she did not want to take him and requested that they call someone to arrange an adoption. We were signed up directly with the county so we were called. He was a healthy baby boy. You would be surprised at how often that happens. Most hospitals have a process in place and send "abandoned" babies to either a private agency or the foster care system.
adamslor
I heard about that. We called DFACS two weeks ago and they told us someone would call us... but haven't heard from them yet. I hope it will be quick to foster to adopt since we have an approved home study. I mentioned that we were interested in infants and she said that they "got" quite a few each month.
It depends on the situation how the TPR will be handled. The state will usually get information from the bmom and have her sign surrenders like a private adoption or if they can't contact the mom again the state will process an involuntary TPR. The state had to do an involuntary TPR for my little boy. His mom was going to sign but got cold feet and disappeared. She signed him into state custody before leaving the hospital but didn't follow up with the actual relinquishment. The state can file involuntary TPR for abandonment after 6 months of no contact.
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Sleeplvr
It depends on the situation how the TPR will be handled. The state will usually get information from the bmom and have her sign surrenders like a private adoption or if they can't contact the mom again the state will process an involuntary TPR. The state had to do an involuntary TPR for my little boy. His mom was going to sign but got cold feet and disappeared. She signed him into state custody before leaving the hospital but didn't follow up with the actual relinquishment. The state can file involuntary TPR for abandonment after 6 months of no contact.
I don't want to scare you but my DS's bmom did show up when they filed abandonment. She had one visit and started dragging out relatives to possibly take custody. She had hidden her pregnancy from her family and her sister told so things got really crazy for a while. In the end bmom disappeared again and none of the relatives could pass a background check. It's easy to put a baby in foster care but extremely hard to get him back out if you change your mind.