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My best friend is fighting for her life and the lives of her younger children. Her 16 year old adoptive daughter is making life pure hell and will break up that family by her actions. My friend needs a physical support group that she can go to (that is not funded by the state). She needs to know she is not alone and needs to seek advice from other parents who are going through this. We live in Wisconsin near Milwaukee. Please help!
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We adopted two older children >20 years ago. I understand how your friend is hurting and wish I could tell her it will be all right. It isn't always that way. Sometimes you just keep hurting b/c you love them and they just don't love you . They reject you and your values. And so....sometimes, there will be no true connection or affection and no matter what you do, you are wrong. Was it due to all those disruptions in their early lives? The abuse they suffered then? The neglect? the rejection of foster parents they hoped would adopt them? Their genetic makeup? Does it really matter any more what the cause might be? I believe the answer maybe could have been found in "Tough Love" but I was not able to be Tough. I always thought about how often they'd been hurt and that I had promised to love and take care of them...that I would never turn away...that God had put us together for that reason.I feel that I was unable to make them whole and that in the process of trying I have lost myself. I mean my sense of who I am as a capable and intelligent human being with a sense of worth. Nothing mattered to me more than they did and do. I tried so hard and still try. I wish I could find others that have gone through this so I could maybe wrap my mind around my heart and suffer a little less. I am always sad inside and I feel so ungrateful for not being happy. I have a fantastic life in every other respect: spouse, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, professional career, financial success, etc. If your friend finds a support group, I think she will be better for it. I hope she does. I hope they help her be very strong, b/c she may have to be.