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Okay so more than one time people have made comments that "All she needs is one good spanking," or "you are patient, so-so said she would beat the crap out of her." Other times, I hear comments like, "so-so knows not to act up because I spanked him before. " And I get it. Some people think my daughter is bad, and they assume I have never spanked. Last time I heard a comment, I made the person feel really bad and said! "wow! well it's a good thing she wasn't born to so-so and got me for a parent instead. I wouldn't beat an animal, nor would I a kid!" and that shut them up.
Yet, lately two acquaintances have blogged about how bad a kid acted in a restaurant and how bad the parents probably were. I saw post after post replying with moms bragging about how people don't spank now a days and that their kids good because they have spanked. I reluctantly commented and suggested the 3 year old who acted bad could have been autistic or tired. I said Sometimes they need a nap not a beating. And to that, a woman replies, "no discipline starts at a young age"and then the mom who was talking badly about the three year old said, "no he didn't look autistic, and all the dad did is take him outside so the mom could finish eating." Am I wrong for thinking that is nice of that dad instead of bad dad? And just what does autistic look like? Ignorance!
So my question is what makes a good parent? If a kid is not active because he is 15lbs overweight but docile at a restaurant, is that a sign of a good parent? If a kid is entranced with a video game all throughout dinner and not acting up, is that a good parent? If a kid is shy and doesn't talk in a restaurant, is that the sign?
My dd was great until 2. We ate out 3 times a week. Then her energy tripled. And she gets more active when tired. She is now 5 and still would not sit still for a video game or a movie though a whole dinner. We could bring 5 items and each would interest her for 10 minutes. She prefers human connection and is super extroverted. We still don't have an Rx of ADHD or sensory seeking yet, but we are leaning toward sensory seeking. She has seen a counselor for a year. But spanking doesn't work, and I hate that people suggest it. To the child who has fears, spanking could work. My child barely fears dogs, doesn't fear snakes, hot water doesn't bother her much, and she will go on scary rides. Just today my daughter ran down a curb and fell, cut her ankle, cried for 30 seconds, and tried to run down the curb again. Pain means nothing to her. And who says I haven't tried spanking... This is why I especially get mad. They assume I have never done it. Well, we all know we aren't supposed to but sure, we have tried it, and she laughs. To spank to the point of actually inflicting pain to a sensory seeking child is monstrous, but we have spanked hard. Truth is, she look "normal" and is super cute but she craves stimulus and she is active. She is the kid that walks on benches, goes under the table, breaks the crayons, plays with ice cubes, and is maybe "good" for only 10 minutes at a time in a restaurant if we've engaged her in a game of tic tac toe, coloring, or word play, but then she gets bored and wants to stretch, then walk, then run.
Am I bad because I might finish my meal even tough DD is standing and not sitting? Should we run to the car every time she acts up? We sit far from people and always try to engage her. She just craves attention and movement.
So what makes a good parent? I've been on a lot of mommy/kid outings, and my DD stakes better, plays more daringly, moves more, and is more agile than any of the other kids her age. She always shines in these environments. Yet, when I am invited to a kid movie or kid play, sometimes people look at me because she fidgets. She won't color in a restaurant or play a video game for an hour. She's "bad" but she eats veggies and is willing to drink water instead of juice or soda.... And not, she isn't loaded with sugar.... Anyway, my good friend has a hyper kid too, but I see posts from other acquaintances bashing parents for bad toddlers/kid in restaurants or stores, and I get mad and defensive because I know my kid is "bad" too.
So is there any merit in blaming the parent for bad table manners? Maybe so, but I'd like real advice what to do. I refuse to not eat out. How do I either a) get to a place where I don't care what people think or B) make her better behaved. And what do you do when you see people bash bad 3 year olds, stick up or agree parents can more?
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