Getting discouraged (Bio & then adopting)

My bio son was 5.5 years old when we started the adoption process. I was really worried about being picked by an emom too b/c of already having a bio child. But fortunately for us, our DD's bmom chose us because she wanted DD to have a sibling. I realize that our short wait time is definitely the exception more than the rule but it didn't hurt us in the least to have a bio child. Looking back now, I guess by already having a child, our DD's bmom could actually SEE the type of parents we would be. She didn't have to guess or imagine. So that's a plus. And btw, if you are open to race (which we were) that would help too; but I totally understand its a very personal decision. Goodluck.

We had 4 bio children when we pursued adoption. We initially started out adopting internationally because we didnt think we would have a chance adopting domestically becuase of our already LARGE family. Our agency also asked us to consider domestic. We did and 1 week later we were picked by bmom to raise our daughter. She was thrilled that her baby would have 4 older siblings to care for her and love her, and it also showed we had parenting skills! Our agency explained it to us this way....it is God's will which child will come into your family and when the match is right it will happen. I agree with that totally--we were very lucky to be chosen so quickly, but I also know that LUCK was not the reason our daughter is with us. The reason is, she was meant to be in our family. Dont mean to lecture just want to tell you NOT to give up hope or think you will not be chosen b ecause of having a bio child. When the right match comes along it will happen.Good Luck in your adoption journey---PS. How long have you waited and have you considered being listed with multiple agencies to increase the numbers of bmoms that would look at your profile??

Well, we actually had the opposite. We were foster parents then we adopted then had a bio son. But I have to say the wait for our first placement was so so so hard. It was 4 months of nothing, nothing, and more nothing. Then suddenly, something! And we had our first placement within two hours of "the call". I think it's just such a huge deal. I couldn't wait to meet our first child!!!! So I felt every second of the waiting. I don't know much about how birth moms pick adoptive families. But I do know about that wait. Hang in there. Your child is out there waiting too. Waiting to be born. Waiting to meet you. It'll happen!

Thank you all for the encouragement!!! I appreciate the kind words of wisdom from those that have been there. We have been waiting since August 2007. We have only been shown a few times (3-4). Unfortunately our agency does not allow us to sign with another agency while we are waiting. We are signed up with a few referrals sources but no luck so far. (not to mention they are very expensive) Not sure we will renew our HS in August. Thanks again! Julie

Not a whole lot of experience behind this as we adopted through foster care, but a few people I know that domestically adopted said they were told that BR, Hispanic and AA emoms are more likely to pick families that already have kids because they see a large family as an asset and it is not the norm in those cultures to have "only's". So if you are open to all races that might help.

My experience is a little different - and yet kind of similar. I adopted my first child as an infant. Then I had two biological children. My two oldest are sons and the youngest is a daughter. I would have liked to have had one more child (because I had only delivered the two and only adopted the one - so I guess I hadn't quite done enough of either adopting or delivering).I know three makes a great family, but I would have a liked my daughter to have a sister (and I wasn't ready to be done with "one more baby" at the time).I knew, though, that adopting a healthy newborn was out because I had children; and having another one wasn't possible. As a result, I just kind of had to come around to being ok with not having/getting that one extra child I wanted.(My son was five when I had his little brother. It was great because I had all that time to devote to the first one, before he started school. Then I had all that time to devote to the little one, because his brother was in school.)I guess my point is, if you get another child now the age difference will be an advantage for both children. Your little guy will get to really enjoy (rather than be a rival of) his little sibling) too.I had so much wanted that "extra" child that I couldn't imagine ever coming to terms with not having/getting one. It turns out, we can reach a point where we're fine with what we've got. If, by any chance, your adoption doesn't happen, you'll be fine too.Good luck, and chances are it will happen soon.

You just can't predict when it's going to happen. We had one bmom not place with us because of our older (bio) daughter, but when we were matched it was largely because we had a daughter and the bmom wanted her baby to have a big sister. Our daughter was 9 at the time, a bit older then your son, but the bmom never expressed concern about our older daughter.