Question to adoptees from adoptive mom

April 24, 2008

I've been participating in a thread on the Guatemala board, and the discussion has gone in two completely opposite directions. I would be really interested in your input:

[URL="http://forums.adoption.com/guatemala-adoption/331213-troubling-conception-information.html"]http://forums.adoption.com/guatemala-adoption/331213-troubling-conception-information.html[/URL]

The main question is: If your adoptive parents had potentially hurtful information about conception/birthfamily, when and how would you have wanted them to share that with you? Or would you never want to know?

Thank you so much!

TxMom65

April 24, 2008

I will be interested to see this. I have all of the files from the foster care case involving my daughter. I know of someone who burned all the files. Oh my gosh. As much as I hate the contents, they are not mine to burn.

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Dickons

April 24, 2008

I would want to know but not until I was older - late teens - early twenties (in a non judgemental manner to the birth parents).

Kind regards,

Dickons

Oceans

April 24, 2008

I posted on the other thread - I was given too much info and wished I was never told. My answer is no... don't tell (especially if it is not confirmed).

jwmjwm

April 24, 2008

I'd want to know, certainly as an adult. You know your child best, and can decide how much information to give at what age. I'd never lie, but maybe not tell all the details until the child is at an age when he or she can process/handle the information. It's a hard thing, but I personally wouldn't want to be misled about something like this.

belleinblue1978

April 24, 2008

Age appropriate is all I can say. My parents didn't tell me stuff and I ended up finding out about my history when I was 13 from a drunken aunt. Nice huh? I was devastated when I was 18 and my mom confirmed all of it. Mom and dad did what the agency told them to do, so I don't blame them, but it wasn't easy. It was a life shattering thing.

So age appropriate details are good, giving information when the child asks.

Burning records? I agree, not yours to burn. I'm sure that person thought they were acting in their child's best interest, but in the end, it might backfire.