birthmother upset

Originally Posted By Thank youI agree whole-heartedly with everything that you said.

Originally Posted By MarieIf birthmoms are choosing the parents of their children, then why be so upset. It is each individuals choice to the parents they choose. Now, when a birthmom places their child in foster care because they don't want to deal with it and they are unhappy because a single parent raised their child, that is no fault of the single parent. Birthparents should be involved in the choosing or they loose their rights to judge who their child ended up with. What about divorce? It happens as much with adoptive parents as bio parents if not more. There are no guarantees. It has been said by studies that children in single parent homes are better adjusted than those who started with two parents who later got divorced. My message is not to argue your point, only to give you something to think about.

Originally Posted By DebI am mature, successful, financially fit,woman, raised in a 2 parent home. It does not make me any more special than 1 parent. I also am adopting as a single parent. There are many prejedices that we must overcome in order to be productive citizens.Having 1 parent vs. 2 is and should not be a factor on raising children. It is what we do as parents, or mentors. So, we will camp,fish,and go to the circus just like all families, not just married families.

Originally Posted By LeighDeb,I think it's great that you recognize that single parent homes can be stable, loving homes for children. The PROBLEM is that when birthmoms talk to agencies and counselors, we frequently get told that married parents are better than single parents and that our baby deserves a mom and a dad. Yes, this does happen. It happened to me! After a lot of consideration, I realized that I could provide a perfectly loving, happy home for my baby. I just didn't have a spouse. So.... the only things an adoptive couple could provide that I couldn't were a spouse and more money. The money didn't matter all that much, and frankly, adoptive couples divorce just like a lot of other married couples do. So I am keeping my baby, and I am VERY glad that I will soon be a single mommy. Women considering placing their babies for adoption need to know that there is NOTHING wrong with raising a child on their own, that single women are frequently approved to adopt children, and that couples do get divorced -- there are no guarantees a two parent home will stay a two parent home.

If a birthmother wants a home that has both a mother and father in it, then it's her choice to make that decision. If agency's are telling birthmother's that the best choice is to choose a home with both mother and father, then they are wrong!! Because a single person can parent just as well as a double parent home. Have these agency's ever seen the divorce rate in this country!!!!! I took wonderful care of both of my children when my ex-husband went off to la-la land with his new wife!! And my children are loving, well-adjusted teens right now....they don't drink or do drugs..or act out in any way. Birthmothers should want a loving, nurturing home for they're children.....not just some agency telling them what's best for them. Sincerely, Brenda.....

That is the very reason I decided to undertake an International Adoption from Ethiopia. When I was looking at private domestic agencies, I felt like I was getting the cold shoulder as a single woman and many agencies told me that they would only accept a limited number of single woman in their programs. I just did not feel good about my prospects and so glad that International Adoption is an option for me. There are so many children in Ethiopia that need a loving home that my singleness or my age (44) is not an detriment to adopting a child.

and some people will say that you should be ashamed of your un_American ideals since there are sooo many AA children waiting for adoption, why go out of country to get a African child... What I am meaning to say is I have ran across some many people with so many different feelings reguarding adoption. They one that still gets me is people who think the kids aren't your "real" kids or ask something like could they adopt your child (since you're a single parent and they'd be a 2 parent family) i've only had that one one time...and then the people who think 2 same sexed parents are better then your single parent home (I am not saying gay/lesbain parents are bad, I just think single parents can be just as good as any other kind of family and are often better for RAD kids who pit parent against parent) However, the Ethiopian Adoption in my view is wonderful because those kids really need homes and it looks like the people working there really want to find them homes. Unlike many American Foster home agencies.. I think many people have no idea what it is really like for the kids to grow up in foster care, never to have anyone really care for them.

Regarding adoption and since I am African-American many people have asked me why I do not adopt one of the many AA children here in the U.S. or why I would spend up to $20,000 to adopt a child when the state system is free. I have to go where my heart leads me and it is Ethiopia. When I'm asked why not a child here in America vs. Ethiopia, I respond isn't a child in Ethiopia as deserving of a loving home? There are so many opinions and I guess as a adoptive parent you just have to do what your heart tells you and feels right for you. I see you understand that and have lived through insentitive remarks and opinions of others.

I was raised by a strong-willed, loving single mother and I feel that I had about the best childhood anyone could have! I was raised with morals and I learned about responsibility at a young age, but yet was still given time to be a child. In fact, I feel so much respect for my mother that I feel like there's nothing I would rather do than to adopt as a single mother so that I can pass on those morals to my children. Unfortunately, some people do not understand this and that's fine. Those people need to find a couple to adopt their child. But, I know that these people don't speak for the many other birthmothers who are willing and happy to give a single person a chance to become a parent.

In a lot of ways I think single parents can give children MORE stability than many couples. We don't argue with ourselves, we don't have fights, we don't divorce ourselves. Just because a child goes to a couple doesn't mean they won't end up raised by 1. That's just silly. I have plenty of married friends who have children and have terrible relationships with their spouces and the children witness all of the turmoil and suffer because of it. I could have had this, my boyfriend lived with me for 4 years, I chose to do better for the kids that I'm waiting to adopt. My parents divorced when I was 2, although my father remained in my life I was raised by just my Mom and she did a great job. I never got into trouble or drugs...I was a good athlete and student. I have a masters degree, a good job, many friends and a nice home. She raised me to be compassionate, loyal, kind, intelligent, self-reliant, and a leader. If that's what single parenting does, I'm happy with it :D

O.K. I am not sure who and WHY this thread was posted on a "Single Person Adoption Board", but feel that I would like to respond.... I am a 43 professional single woman. I found out 10 years ago that I could not have my own children. My relationship broke down when that news came. After that, I concentrated on my career. I started thinking about domestic adoption, and in NJ, and being single, was not looking real good. I looked into other countries, and decided that it may not be the travelled road for me. Then last May, my sister received a call from a complete stranger (through a network of people my sister worked with), and the Summer Hosting of OLDER Russian Orphans was disgusted. She asked how Russia felt about SIngle women adopting, and they where fine with it. Of course there are guidelines/requirements to be meet, but it was possible. After looking into the statistics of Older Orphans in Russia, I new this was my road! My daughter came home FOREVER on 01/25/05. Now I am assuming that you referring to a 'newborn or baby' adoption, etc. and most possibly domestic.... Why would you condemn a single person who could financially provide, stable of job and mind, etc. from giving a child a loving home? If you are also including older child(ren) adoption, you should read up on the statistics!!! They would give you NIGHTMARES at night! The chances are, if I did not host and adopt my daughter when I did, shew ould spend another 8 years in that HORRENDOUS orphanage, with no hot water, a hole in the ground to go to the bathroom in, no soap, no heat, wearing the same dirty clothes for a week, and absolute GRUEL to eat. And at the age of 16, put out on the streets with one set of clothes, no money, and probably wouldn't live to the age of 21!!!! I have the statistics... Sooooooo, please do not put down SINGLE PARENT ADOPTIONS!!!! It is just not fair to the CHILDREN that are VERY Happy and Healthly and most of ALL THRIVING with a loving parent, albiet only ONE!!!!

I agree with you completely, SingleMama2B. Anyone who can provide a nurturing home to a child should be encouraged and supported! Unfortunately, many unwed mothers in the US are led to believe that they are not worthy to raise their children because they are single. After they sign their babies over to someone else to raise (often to couples who as likely to divorce as anyone else), they are left to deal with their pain, usually alone. So please don't take the comments from the orginal poster as an attack on single parents. I see it more as an effort to work through the pain of relinquishment which deserves sympathy and understanding. My guess is that she is condemming single parents because that is likely how she was pursuaded to relinquish her son. So I end with my first statement - Anyone who can provide a nurturing home to a child should be encouraged and supported! Cheers to you and your daughter! Happy G'Ma

Hello Happy G'Ma...... I truly do understand how you put it. It is difficult, as there ARE stigma's about single parents still this day and age. I believe I can understand the hurt of being pressed or being pursuaded.... It is a truly emotional time for sure. When I was told that I would NOT be able to have children... I was devastated... and so was my relationship. I hope that the original poster can find some peace.... Blessings...............A