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Dear Amom, For 18 long years, I have thought about our son daily. For 18 long years, I have thought about you and your family, daily. For 18 long years, I have wanted to tell you congratulations on your second child, your husband's promotion, your new house. I have thought about you daily. I wish well for you - daily. I think of you daily. Since our son has turned 18 I have tried to reach out to you. Although you know this adoption was not of my wishes, that was 18 years ago. I know my parents were just trying to do what was best for me and my child. They picked you as what was best for both of us. I did not agree, but I respect the decision that has been made and have not interferred with your family for 18 years. I know I come up at weddings family events, etc. I am the person rarely on the guest list. My parents are always on the guest list. Now, I just would like to have the opportunity to get the know the 18 year old I love, in a different way from the love you have for him. I would like the opportunity to get to know the rest of my family - the family I have never met from the weddings, the baptisms, and the birthday parties. Is this really too much to ask????? Fondly, Bmom
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[FONT="Verdana"]How indescribably and utterly cruel to exclude you from events while inviting your parents. I have had the same thing happen to me. My parents are included, because they were the driving force behind the adoption, while I am excluded because I am not happy about the fact that I lost my son. This does not mean that I am not able to be gracious around the adoptive family, but it does mean that I am not gushing to the adoptive family that I am JUST SO DANG HAPPY THAT THEY HAVE MY CHILD. So, they exclude me, and they include my parents. I don't make my parents choose me or my son, but it hurts me to no end that they don't stand up and say that it is wrong for me to be excluded.
I cannot imagine the rationalization that goes on in an adoptive parent's mind which makes it acceptable to exclude the first mother while including her parents. You have my sympathies and my understanding, as I've been there, done that, and didn't even get a T-shirt, just like you.
Hugs[/FONT]
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