A Child to A Mother- HELP!!!

Hi Aurora, I am a Safe haven birthmom but I only placed about 18 months ago, so I don't have the perspective of time that you're looking for. I can say though, that just because that's how I placed my daughter doesn't mean I don't love her, care for her, and wouldn't want to know her! I was incredibly fortunate in that I went back to the hospital to check on her and was put in contact with her Mom (through letters, the SW etc.) and we are now in an open adoption. I wouldn't assume that just because she left the hospital without signing anything that she cares any less. I would say YES search for her! I wish you the best on your journey!!!!

I actually had a long talk with my pops. He futher explained (in how he took what DCFS told him) to me that she intentionally did not sign the papers because it was too hard for her but she knew she couldn't care for me. It was easier for her to not sign the papers and say that the state took her (me) away then saying she (my bio-mom) gave me away!

You know I've read some of your posts on here...and I think your awesome! I haven't gotten around to reading your blogs but I will! thanxx again!

I did not see my son when he was born.. I did not hold him and I did not give him up physically.. I did not remember his birthday for years.. And I loved him.. I loved him so much I could not deal with any of it.. Its running away.. Its not being able to or not being taught to process emotions.. I say look for her.. She may regret what happened deeply.. Jackie

Anytime Aurora, and if you ever have any questions or anything feel free to email me or PM me (email is thanksgivingmom@hotmail.com - I try to keep it easy to remember!) Also, since my DD was born on thanksgiving sometimes I for a second forget her actual birthdate and if it's the 23rd or the 24th...But I know it's Thanksgiving!

Thanks so much for your words!! Great news! I found my bio-sis!!! & she resides with my bio-grandmother (i believe) so i don't think it'll be too hard to find my b-ma! thanks!!!

Good news! :rockband: Jackie

Congrats!!!

Congrats - keep us posted!!!!

Congratulations ! :cheer: I would be thrilled to meet my son.

I say search, if for some reason your bmom does not want contact, at least you will know, but to not search and wonder what if

- Def worth searching IMO, but I'm a bmom who would Love contact, I know there are some bmoms out there who do not want contact, but I still say go for it, nothing ventured, nothing gained

Good luck :love:

I am a natural mother (bmom)...I reliquished twin boys and have never forgotten..birthday, CHRISmas, halloween, mothersday...or any other special day. I even rmembered just out of the blue...basically everyday. They are now 22 yrs...and I have yet to find them....keep looking...definately

I never ever stopped thinking about my daughter. 12yrs into reunion she is still always on my mind. Relinquishing her took away my soul, it will never fully recover. My bdaughters sister however has a more complex ride ahead. By a total coincidence her bmum lives not far from me and works in the same educational institutuion. Her relinquishment has been so internalised by her bmum it is extremely hard for her to open up.This doesnot mean she loves her daughter any less than I. Good luck...so keen to know any further steps, love susie

Well I have a relationship with my bio-family but not my bio-mother....I'm scared to make contact with her...she's not to much involved with her own family anyway...she's not making the best decisions with her life right now....I simply just want to tell her thanks...but IDK yet...

I am a birthmom who finally was found (and I was looking) when my son was 27..I never forgot for one day. Every child that would be about his age, I looked and thought that maybe he would be that size, and as the years went by, I started worrying that he might have been in an accident and died, and then when Desert Storm started, I worried that may be would be one of the soldiers there. Yes, look and find. Do not fear if you are rejected. It won't be she is rejecting you, she might reject or fear the very memories of what HAD to be a horrible thing to go through. You may find that you are perfectly happy not knowing her..It happens, you know, not all bmoms are great people..Most are, some aren't, so take your heart into your hands, pump up your strenght and go for it..I cryed for years, every holiday, BD, etc. I am at peace.

You know, I'm just a foster parent (and step parent who *adored* 2 children) (and host parent to over 50 foreign students) (and I took in a 15-year-old girl for 6 months, she knew my friend's kids...). And somewhat of an advocate for better treatment for foster children, so I've meet teenaged foster children. And I have 3 adopted cousins that I love dearly and am close to. And I have friends who've been first moms, and given their children to adoptive families. So. The one aspect I've seen from being involved in the foster care system is that the social workers can really give the first moms *heck*. They can try to really harass them into parenting, and into feeling bad about the fact that they want their baby to be raised by someone else. They just have a total attitude dripping with the conviction that the first moms SHOULD keep the baby, and that there's something wrong with them for not wanting to do this. I've seen SWs treat foster parents with the same disdain, also, it's really tough to take. I can really imagine not wanting to give those social workers and other professionals any window into my life, managing my life, questioning me, etc. I think I would go safe haven if I was in that situation, but of course I don't know, given what I've seen of the system. Those may be some of the factors in her choice. I cannot imagine any mom every forgetting any child. I don't know any mom who has, no matter "step, foster, bio". I do have one friend whose mom walked away from the family, one does hear of that. But I believe that she loved you then, and she loves you now, 99% sure.