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My son was adopted at age 4.5 (with his full bio sib age 3) 9 years ago. He is now 13. Attached, no big special needs, straight A kid, highly successful athletically.
Our family "plan" has always been that when the boys asked to go meet their first family we would respect their decision and take them. G is ready and has been asking for the last 10 months or so. E is not and has no desire.
G and I (leaving dad and the other 3 boys at home) are leaving mid-July for a 10 day trip back to Missouri.
We will be meeting bdad in prison. We plan on having 2 or 3 visits with him over the course of our stay (visits are not available every day).
We will be staying with his former foster parents for part of the trip.
We will be travelling to a different city to meet first mom and siblings. I have recently been in computer contact with his 15 year old brother (found him on facebook/myspace). There are 3 younger sisters and several cousins etc.
This is going to be a WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD for my kiddo and I am looking for some advice, references etc to help prepare him. He has a good head on his shoulders, but I realize that this can throw even the most prepared kid.
Of note, we live in a rural community in Western Canada. Since removal from his first parents home he has had no exposure to inner city life etc. There is going to be a HUGE cultural gap here. Is it best for me to prepare him for how different things are going to be, or to let him experience it without judgement?
Any known resources for preparing a child to meet a birth parent in prison? Not looking to debate this topic. We have a reasonably good relationship as far as contact with this birth parent, he is incarcerated for another 20 years and I want to be able to help my son through this rather than just pretend it doesnt exist.
For anyone who has had a child enter reunion at this age, any suggestions? Supports? Kiddo has several adopted friends, some in contact some in not. He is not interested in online supports.
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I'm not sure what type of facility his bdad is in, but it may not hurt to contact the institution and see if they have any programs or resources that may help. I used to work for the prison system and we had programs designed to help the inmates relate better to their children, and to have visiting in an area that wouldn't be as public. We even had special weekends set aside for families. Other than that (and it may be a long shot), I wish you the best of luck and hope you get plenty of good ideas.
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