Another question (kind of morbid)

I don't find that morbid at all. I find it responsible. And I hope unnecessary. My homestudy agency did ask. And I had given it a lot of thought. And it is in my will. I asked my mom and I have as a back up my cousin. And if all else fails I have another back up (my best friend). Samantha

I adopted through foster care and I am glad they did not ask me that because I do not know who could properly raise my daughter. Even now after three years I don't have a clue. My daughter asks me every once in awhile who she would live with if I died. It is the most awkward question. Her birthrelatives failed her when she was younger so I doubt they would want her now that she is a tween and acting like a teenager. My mother is getting rather elderly and might have the patience to raise a normally-behaved child, but for sure she would not be able to handle a child that has a lot of trauma-related behaviors. So I have been honest with my daughter that it takes a specially trained parent(s) to raise a child who has had so many traumatic experiences. I tell her that even though she would probably prefer to live with grandma or one of her biological relatives that she would have a better time if she allowed a new family to adopt her.

My agency did ask just that and I told them who would/could fill that role--I had discussed this with them beforehand. Not only that, they also wanted to know who could take care of her if I got sick and had to be hospitalized, etc.

thanks for the responses..I spoke with a good friend of mine last night and she said that she would step in if needed...of course I will discuss with my siblings as well but at least I know there will be one more stable person in my child's life if something were to happen to me!!!

I couldn't agree more! I went to live in Guatemala and foster my daughter for two months. When I went down...I actually expected it to be longer. I made up a will before I left, and the will specified how I wanted my daughter to be taken care of if something happened to me at different stages in the process. When I got home, I immediately made my daughter the beneficiary of all of my assets, and asked a beloved cousin if she and her husband would raise her in the extremely unlikely event something happens to me. I have an appointment to make up a new will... making my wishes very clear. I have all intentions of being her a long time. But my mother died unexpectedly...while I was in the process of this adoption. If she had not planned so carefully, and if she had not made her wishes clear, it would have been much much more difficult.

I adopted internationally and as part of the process had to pick custodians of my daughter in case something happened to me. (I had to give five reasons why I chose them as well.) We should all have people ready to step in it we can't parent our children and it should be written down (in a will preferably.) While we're on the subject, we should also all have life insurance to make sure our custodians can afford to parent our children. I had my sister check with her financial advisor to find out how much life insurance he recommended.

Let's see how to put this... My best friend has chronic headaches and can barely take care of her own children (her husband isn't all that helpful). My sister is nearly 200 lbs overweight and says she can't lose because of her psych meds. Her children were 'given' to her mother-in-law. She isn't good for that. My mother and father have health problems and would be useless if I needed them. I've several cousins who are pillars of health and sanity, but we're not as close as we used to be and only see each other around the holidays. I can see one of them taking over, if I could adopt first and eventually get them on my side. But to ask them without knowing the kid in question? I'm not sure they'd agree even if I could ask. Now, the friend I mentioned above has already said she'd step in, but I don't know if I'd ask her to. She's a wonderful mother, but with her headaches and other problems I don't know how she'll be in the future. It's a quandary. I'd better get some more friends quick, is all I'm saying, lol. David Edited to add: I don't make friends easily, never have, never will. But, I need to try. For the future kids sake, if for nothing else.

I know what you mean. After reading this thread I started thinking of who I would ask, and I am drawing a blank. Good luck in everything, hope it all works out! Dana :grouphug:

My husband and I had to give the name(s) as a part of our home study. We chose my sister and two of our best friends. . .we have a large family, but these are the three people that we trust would raise our son as we would.

I was asked the question in the packet from DSS. As an only child of parents who are 70 and 71, I cannot ask them and kinda would not want them burdened with it. I have a cousin who is like my sister, and although having 3 daughters of her own, said she would be happy to be my backup, so to speak. Yes, it is a tough question to answer. Who, out of my friends and family to I trust enough to raise my child/ren in my absence. Who do I trust, who can help the grieve over another loss in their lives. I just try not to think about it. TM