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Not sure if you all remember me, but last year I had a baby and made an adoption plan. Things are going well for the most part, but most days I struggle with what I have done.
Now, I have a friend who is faced with an unplanned pregnancy and she too wants to make an adoption plan for her child. She knows of my situation and has asked for my help in finding a family for her baby. I am not sure I can do this. How do I lead someone down the painful path I lead everyday? She is set on placing, do I have the right to try and change her mind? Should I?
HELP!
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She knows of my situation and has asked for my help in finding a family for her baby. I am not sure I can do this.
My dear-You are a kind to consider sharing your story. Your friend has asked for assistance. Consider if you don't share your experience with her. Will you feel bad for not trying to help her understand? In most cases, you would feel worse. Go ahead with an open mind knowing that she will be equipped with all the information necessary to make an informed decision.
Peace and blessings to you. I am sorry for your difficulty.
It is a hard choice for anyone to make. Just tell her your experience and how you feel today about the choice you made. I wouldn't try to change her mind tho, if she feels in her heart this is what she needs to do, then changing her mind might make things more confusing for her. good luck sweetie
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As a friend, I think you could expect to tell her that she is courageous for giving life, celebrate that decision she has made. I would caution you to tell her your issues are the way it is, because she may experience it or deal with it differently. If your friend is not ready to parent, the best for the baby is the selfless thing to do, and support her. You might share while it is the best thing you did for your baby (if you believe that), that in your heart you miss the baby.
That is real. There are some good post-placement support groups and also if she is not wanting an agency, she might consider that she might want support navigating these unchartered waters she personally has never been through, and it might well be the hardest thing she has ever gone through. She might just meet with 2-3 agencies and see how the Lord leads her before she says no to an agency. North Texas has some great ones, but I probably can't refer without getting into trouble on these boards. Peace.
Thanks for the advice so far. She and I will be meeting for lunch tomorrow to discuss the most important things in a family for her baby. I have decided not to sugar coat anything for her, not going to try and change her mind, but definitely going to let her know this is not an easy road to travel.
She has some time to find a family if indeed this is what she really wants to do, and for now it seems she is definitely wanting to place. I just really, really hope she knows what she is doing:hissy:
mybaby2007
Thanks for the advice so far. She and I will be meeting for lunch tomorrow to discuss the most important things in a family for her baby. I have decided not to sugar coat anything for her, not going to try and change her mind, but definitely going to let her know this is not an easy road to travel.
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thanksgivingmom
I would definitely remind her that placing is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.
I don't know that there is a sure fire way to know if the potential adoptive parents are honest or not. Like Denice said, I also believe alot of it is a gut feeling. For me, I thought that if I went with a reputable agency and placed with someone who was already in an open adoption then I would be guaranteed an open adoption as well. While I still believe this, I don't think that means one should exclude first time adoptive parents from their search.
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My friend met with a couple tonight. After meeting and talking with them, I don't think they were the "ones". So we are still searching........please pray for her. She wants so little for them, just a few pics now and then. She doesn't think she can handle a fully open adoption. But she would like to know that baby is always ok.
Anyway, I am off to bed we are going to keep searching until we find good parents for this baby.
Thanks to all of you for your support
Hi. This is just my opinion and no judgement of your friend but I think she is asking a great deal of you in helping her choose the adoptive parents. That's a tremendous burden of responsibility to heap on someone. Not saying in anyway that she means to be selfish. I am a birthmother and understand what she's going through.
But I also understand what you are going through. It was hard enough choosing for your own baby; now someone is asking for your help in choosing for their baby. Surely this must bring up so much pain for you.
I guess I just wanted to say that I sympathize with you. It is a tough situation. On the one hand, you want to help a friend and on the other you need to take care of yourself.
It is okay to say that you can only do so much. You have a right to go only so far and no further. After all, you are still healing from the loss of your baby.
With much respect,
Janey