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Hi everyone!
I haven't posted in awhile but Alex keeps us busy!! He'll be 1 this Sunday!
I was hoping to get everyone's opinion on a matter that has come up. Alex's story in Colombia was a difficult one. He was taken away from his birth parents at 1 month of age in terrible conditions. His parents were beggars in the street and he lived in poor conditions and was very malnurished, etc. When we received him in Colombia we took 2 pictures, one of the "hotel" where his birth parents lived and one of the foster home where he lived for 6 months.
I figured we would keep these pictures or him for when he ws old enough to understand his story and he wished to see where he came from.
My MIL has been staying with us for the past 4 months and now she is returning to Colombia. My husband made her a CD with a lot of pictures to take with her and she requested those 2 pictures. I told them that I was uncomfortable with that and that I thought those 2 pictures should be private and that we should have the only copies for Alex. Well, you would have thought that I started a war!! I was told that I was selfish and that why can't they have the pictures becaus they are family and not strangers, etc.
Am I completely off base on this??? I would love to hear the opinion of other adoptive parents so I can can show them to my husband. If I am wrong I'll back down.
Please help!!!
Yvonne
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I would ask why those particular pictures are important to her. Then I would go on to explain that it is important for your FAMILY to use discretion with your DS's past and to make sure that he knows about it when you feel he is ready to know and to not find out about it from someone else even if they are family. Explain to her that it's his story to know and tell.
Even though I do not have experience with this, I feel that if we are able to visit the place where my child was left and if we are able to get his/her found ad, it will be completely private for him/her. It is one of those very sensitive things that noone (not even me) can understand how my child will feel when seeing those pics. Like what was shared already-it is their story to share when they are or if they are ready to share it.
I agree with what the previous replies have said and with your initial response to your MIL and husband. We have two children who we adopted from Colombia and we have not told any of our family members about their relinquishment stories. Their stories are both so different. One has a "nice" adoption story and the other's is very difficult. Regardless of how "nice" the story, their stories are their own private information. I can't imagine our children finding out these details from an extended family member before we feel it is time to share it with them (before they show interest or are mature enough to handle the difficult information).
I am also an adult adoptee and my parents kept my relinquishment details private within our immediate family. They were very open and honest with my brother and I about what little information they had, but I would have been very upset if my aunt or uncle or even my grandmother thought they had any right to bring up my private information without me bringing it up first. The adoptee has the least amout of rights in an adoption...please save their private information for only them. They didn't have a choice in being adopted...but they ought to have a choice in who knows about their history.
I hope that sharing an adoptees perspective helps.
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Those should be for your son...and then when he is older he can share whatever photos he wants. I have two children adopted; one from Colombia, one from Guatemala. (From Experience) I find that giving too much information is not productive for our children...too many unecessary comments from others. Their history should be for them.
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