Is this a sign of RAD? Very long. . .

I'm not a professional, just a parent of a child with RAD. To me, the things in your email that might indicate attachment issues:1) the number of orphanages the child has lived in, and the other failed placement. My 16 yr old son had numerous foster placements and a failed adoption - even after living with us for seven years and attachment therapy for most of those years he still has a hard time with either of us parents leaving for work (or in my case now, school). With his foster placements, he could go to school in the morning and then come home to find his few belongings in a paper bag and the social worker waiting to wisk him off to another foster home. How's that for not having any control over your life?!2)the other red flag for me would be what we see as bossiness is usually the need to be in control. Needing control, especially in the extreme, I think is one of the hardest things to change in these children and one of the last things they ever want to give - generally, up to this point (of adoption or a stable foster home) their lives are so out of their control they try to control whatever they can, whether it's appropriate or not. They won't want you to be the one in charge....they want to be in charge.3) watch out for that charm....my son can talk to anyone and disarm even the grumpiest adult....he could sell ice to Eskimos. The flip side of that, is how manipulative is the child going to be?When she shuts down and/or stares off into space, that sounds like a "dissociative" episode. These are more about the after effects of trauma (think PTSD) than a sign of attachment issues. The child dis-associates or removes themself from reality to avoid feeling the pain of whatever trauma they have been through. If she lets you hold her during these spells, I would do that. If nothing else, the holding is great for attachment!Just be very aware of your daughter-to-be's behaviors.....and read all you can about attachment if you haven't already. Also, another good thing to do, if you haven't done so, is to identify the attachment therapy resources in your area. Don't wait until she gets totally out of control to start therapy. There are a few good websites for therapists lists: [URL="http://www.attach.org"]Attachment Disorder information and support at ATTACh.org.[/URL], [URL="http://www.radzebra.org"]Welcome to Attachment & Trauma Network* - ATN[/URL], and [URL="http://www.nancythomasparenting.com"]Attachment Disorder | Nancy Thomas Parenting | Attachment.org | Reactive Attachment Disorder[/URL]. [if you know all this already, just disregard.....]good luck!Fran :coffee:

Thank you so much for your post!!! It was most helpful and I will keep reading, searching, and learning.

It breaks my heart that she's had so many moves. My daughter tried to 'mother' a sibling before they were seperated for adoption. Her foster home for five years had a man as the primary caregiver. I had to start from day being mom and boss to her. Oh, it was H.A.R.D.ALmost 2 years later we are at a great place. I don't know about the zoning out, unless maybe she is removing herself from the situation, possibly attention getting, or maybe even small seizures.

I agree that the "spells" are possibly related to PTSD. Maybe she is having flashbacks.

What does PTSD stand for? I haven't heard of that? Thanks!

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Oh, duh! Thanks!

I adopted my two children from a Guatemalan orphanage last year at the ages of 7 and 11. They, too, had numerous placements. Like the other posters have said, that is usually a red flag for attachment issues. Both of my boys are "alphas" in the sense of they want to run the show, and control is a big deal, and when they first got home, they physically fought for it. We've had to do a lot of work on this front. It sounds like when you daughter is shutting down, she is having dissociation. My older son does this, and suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I saw my son do this during my time with him in Guatemala. At that time, he just blanked out, but after he came to the U.S., he began to run away, and do things that he later couldn't remember. I also had him tested by a neurologist, and he is also being treated with medication for seizures. That, along with his anti-depressants and therapy to modify his behavior, help him move out of the traumatized state quicker than before. We have a long way to go, but he's moving in the right direction. I would encourage you to read and talk to people with backgrounds in adoption and attachment before she comes home. With my children, the trauma and the attachment have gone hand in hand. It's terrifying for them to leave behind the life they know, and trust another adult who says "I love you and you'll be here forever." They've been let down so many times, so as parents, it requires our time and patience, because all of their evidence they've collected over the years, tells them that we'll hurt them, too. You may want to consider meeting with an attachment therapist before your daughter comes because there are some tangible, practical things that you can do with her on a sensory level that will help calm her and grow closer to you. There are several books that have been helpful to me in addition to the websites in the other post. Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray (She writes extensively on PTSD and attachment issues), Toddler Adoption Weaver's Craft (can't remember author), and Dance of Attachment, Real Parents and Real Children--both by Holly Van Gulden. The last book is basically a child development outline so that you can determine how old your child actually is. Because of the abandonments and disruption of the other adoption, more than likely, she will be much younger than her chronological age, and the therapist can help you parent her from that age forward. Best of luck to you. I hope that your process goes quickly, and that she can come home to you as soon as possible.

I'm confused. I thought that most Guat children came home as infants or early toddlers? If she was abandoned at birth, why has it taken so long for an adoptive family to be found? You might want to do some reading on EMDR therapy as one source to help her once she is home. It works especially well for trauma and seems to work quicker than "normal" therapies.

Thank you so much for all the information and help. We are hanging in there and looking forward to putting this knowledge into practice.

The majority of the children adopted from Guatemala are relinquishment adoptions. Meaning the birthmother relinquishes the child at birth or later and is involved in the adoption process throughout. She has to sign off four different times during the process, a social worker interview is done, and a DNA test is done to ensure the woman relinquishing the child is the biological mother. If a child is abandoned and the biological parent(s) are unknown, there is a very involved court process in which family is attempted to be located before an abadonment decree is issued and the child is available for adoption. Thus the child is older by then and more people are looking to adopt babies than older children thus older children are harder to place. This is a very brief overview and I don't know exactly what the situation is with mcfadden5's daughter, but just to give you a general idea of how the system works.

Our daughter started as a relinquishment but the birth mother no longer was active in the process and after several years she became an abandonment case and has been through court with a Certificate Of Abandonment issued. We started the process (through a hogar) when she was five (almost six) and it looks like she will be seven before we get her home.

I have two daughters with RAD and are currently going through different stages in terms of their attachment to us. Our oldest daughter is 14, we adopted her when she was 9 and I would say it took 3 years for a good attachment to my wife and I to occur. Our youngest daughter is 10, we adopted her when she was 9 and we are still going through a lot of the trauma of incidents that happened with her birth family from ages 3-5. She was in 14 different foster care placements in 15 months before living in a group home for 6 months prior to us meeting her. If you want to learn more about our journey, my wife and I have a blog about our family here: [url=http://www.myradicalfamily.blogspot.com]My Radical Family![/url] Matt

Before deciding on domestic, we investigated international adoption. The homestudy agency we used strongly suggested that all parents have video taken of their prospective child interacting with themselves, other children and their caregivers for evaluation by a medical adoption professional. Because we live in the tri-state area, there are a number of physicians, child psycologists, adoption specialists, whose job it is to vet these videos for signs of both physical and emotional issues specifically as they relate to children who have been in foster/orphanage care i.e. general developmental delay's, FAS, RAD, PSTD and the list goes on. Friends adopted from Russia and they said the whole process gave them an incredible education. You might ask you agency about the availability of such services to help educate you and your family before bringing your daughter home.

Thanks everyone, and I will check out the blog.