My first update letter

I would keep it 'newsy'. You might say something about any new skills, nursery rhymes, etc that they have learned. I wouldn't send a lot of pictures, probably no more than 4 or 5.

I do the annual letter/picture with my four year old's bmom. I absolutely keep it newsy, talking about what he likes, special events he's enjoyed (the circus, zoo, amusement parks, trips, etc.), how he's done in school, health news (percentiles or significant illnesses), stuff like that. I sent only a few pictures this year, including copies of his professional photos. I'd say the letter was a page long, typed. I not only send it return receipt, I keep a copy of the letter for my son's records, and so he knows that I kept in contact with bmom and shared his life with her, and so she cannot say I did not do so. Good luck!

I find it so ironic that different states have such different laws. We are very fortunate that my state of TN does not require, and most cases definitely speaks against open or semi open adoptions. We adopted our now 6 year old and then a set of twins now 4, all as infants. Two different sets of bio families. In both cases, we asked if we could send info to the bio parents and were told they would strongly advise against it. We had contact with our 6 year olds biofather for a while until he went off the deep end threatening to take me back to court and take her away because I did not send him photos when he thought I should. we still have contact with the twins bio grandfather, as well as their full sibling sister that was adopted by another family. I think all states should allow the decision to have contact or not be solely on the adoptive parents. WHy should birth family have any right to request this? Just my opinion. yanknrebel

Yank - I don't think birth parents can "request" it anywhere, I think it is always a formal agreement between birthparents and adoptive parents. I used to think I would never want an open adoption. But, each child comes into care for unique reasons and in my daughter's case we (not the birth parents) sought an open adoption. I think there are situations where it can work... but I do think they are quite rare in foster-adoption and for good reason.

My kids are foster/adopt, and I know that their bmom loves the kids, she's just not in a position to parent them. We were actually quite lucky, my kids all have the same bmom and I'm hoping that someday we can move from just letters/pictures to actual visits because I feel it's in my kids best interest.

In my first letter, I told Bmom a little about our family (without identifying information) and a few highlights from his last few months, including the celebrations around his adoption. I thanked her for letting us raise him (she voluntarily terminated her rights and we signed adoption agreement to avoid TPR trial). I sent five pictures - of different events. A few tips on pictures - particularly if bmom does not have direct contact info. Send pictures which show the child only - no pictures with friends/relatives. Make sure that pictures are cropped so that no identifying information is shown (address posted on house, license plate numbers on cars). Give general information on where the picture was taken (at the beach, but not specific beach). I only send "happy" pictures. And I only send "clean" pictures - no filthy faces, runny noses, etc.

I would maybe send a piece of artwork that the child did.

Also - you may not want to send it return receipt requested. I sent my first letter RRR and she wasn't home when the mail carrier arrived so it sat at the post office for three weeks. (she doesn't has easy access to transportation) Of course, it included an attempt to confirm a visit date. So I had to send her a letter saying "Hey - go pick up the letter so you can have your visit!!" Also - in my case, since bmom signed an open adoption agreement the morning TPR trial was scheduled to start, I don't want to so anything that looks like I am "checking up" on her. You can send a letter through the post office with "delivery confirmation" I think it is 65 cents or so. They give you a tracking number and you can look online (or call an 800 number) to confirm when it was delivered. I keep my tracking receipt and then print out the delivery confirmation, staple them both to my copy of the letter and keep it all together in my file. Bmom just gets the letter without having to "sign" for it or make a trip to the Post office. Cheaper - easier - less intimidating for bmom - just as good if you need to prove you sent the letters.

I know I am reviving an old thread but I am living this now. I would ALWAYS send with a return receipt thing. We have an open adoption agreement to send letters and pic 3x a year. We believe the birthparent has moved and two letters have been sent back refused, we think he is no longer at thatt address. Fine. We're giving it a year and appealing to the court to revoke the agreement. This is foster care adoption, we're not talking about stable, reliable birthparents in most cases. I would do what you can to prove you upheld your end of the deal. CYA for sure!