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OK an emom is going to see my profile via an attorney monday. I turned in all the info and met with the atty and he says I should specifically address race and tell her how I'm going to keep the baby involved with the african american community and even what I know about doing her hair. He says to let her know what makes me qualified to raise an aa child compared to other couples. Obviously I'm going to adopt an african american baby so I already thought about these things and planned for them. But I'm not sure how to phrase this to this emom. The attorney only talked to her once, he's not african american and I think he's just drawing on his experience with emoms in general and it's not that this emom specifically asked for this. She did say she preferred an aa or transracial couple, but told him she is going to be "colorblind" when looking at applications. I have a lot of things I kind of want to tell her, including that some of my colleages and friends are aa and they have kids who our baby wil be around, and that I'm going to make sure the baby is around some aa people by going to church and getting involved in positive things in the community. She's not going to be isolated into a "white" world. Also, I'm aware that the hair has to be done differently than, say, mine, and a good friend who is aa (she's actually from the Dominican republic) is going to help me and will be around some. I know there is a lot of prejudice that aa people face and that I'll have to help the baby as best I can. The atty calls me and dh a "transracial couple" because I'm half east Indian and dh is cc. I'm just not sure how to start writing these things down. I don't think I want to bring up the "biracial" thing, (I'm not actually sure that I'm considered biracial) first of all it's not the same as being aa in this country and further it's just going to sound trite or stereotypical and I'm sure the discrimination I've dealt with in my life is nothing compared to what aa people feel. It's just such a touchy subject in this country and I'm afraid of offending. Especially since she didn't even ask for that specifically. She might ask herself if I'm just putting this in the letter because she's aa, or think I'm trying to patronize. I want her to understand without coming across as if I think I know what she's thinking. I don't even know how to start talking about this in the letter. That's why my original letter didn't address race at all. Any suggestions, or thoughts to help me out here? I gotta start writing soon! I typed and retyped things so many times I think I'm going to get carpal tunnel, and now I'm just stumped. (usually you can't shut me up!) It has to be in before monday morning.
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Our profile just stated we looked forward to parenting a child of any race, and that we had prepared ourselves with local resources and support. M liked that we didn't make a big deal out of it. She says that she didn't think placing her AA baby with a CC couple was a big deal, so as long as the agency told her we were open to an AA infant, she was okay with it, and didn't need to hear in detail what out plans were, she trusted that if we were open to that, then like any parent we would do what we needed to do with our child. I did ask her some hair questions, and she told me what she uses (grease and water), and I shared a few of my ideas with her, but that was all after she had chosen us and we had Ty...she didn't need any details in the profile about it. I'm sure ever emom is different and this is just one more example of how you should list what you are comfortable with and that will help the right emom find you :) Best of luck!
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