Possible contested adoption-please read

Thanks for replying. The baby's guardianship hearing is scheduled for next week. We plan to get right in there to petition as soon as the hearing is over. So far, no other word from the other couple's attorney. She hasn't contacted the guardian's attorney or the GAL at this point. We'll see . . . . .

It is my understanding that guardians cannot place a child for adoption. You will have to have relinquishment papers signed by biomom and biodad (biograndmother will really not have any say in the matter if the bioparents choose to place their child for adoption). So I am not sure what the rush to guardianship is?? Even if it is through the state, the case will have to go to TPR and up to that point mom and dad can still have a say in who adopts. Please let us know how this turns out as you may set a precedence I have never seen before. Good Luck! Kim

I know that you're right about the birth parents having the right to say who gets to adopt their child. The guardianship hearing set for next week has been on the docket since May, so there hasn't been a rush for that. Once started, it was scheduled two months in advance. The baby is safe with his guardians, and the birth parents cannot come get him. I'd sure like to know what the latest status is on these other aparents. Through our attorney, we requested to meet with them to discuss the situation, but their attorney hasn't gotten back to ours with an answer. That was 9 days ago, so I'm assuming the answer is 'no.' We're wondering if these parents have obtained the signatures from the bp's and are just waiting for the guardianship hearing to be over before filing. We really don't want to carry-on with our precedings in filing for adoption if we know it won't work out anyway, so I'm dying to know what they're up to. It's agonizing to wait. Our attorney is good and came recommended, but she is difficult to get ahold of because she's in court a lot and with clients. She has been drawing up the papers for us, but I really wish we knew what was going on before we file the petition.

Is it possible to just ask the bioparents if they have signed papers for this other couple? I think instead of trying to go through the guardians, attorneys, etc. you should just bite the bullet and ask to speak to them (without biograndma there to make matters harder). Kim

Boy, I wish we could just ask them. I wish it were a situation where we could have met them by now and discussed things with them. But the guardians stongly feel that this needs to be a closed adoption. From everything we've heard and have been going through for the past 3 months, we all feel that it is in the child's best interest to not have the birth parents in his life and that they not know where he is. They neglected this baby when he was in their care, and we know the mother has psychological issues.

I understand the need in certain circumstances to have a closed adoption, but that does not mean never meeting face-to-face with the bioparents. They don't have to know your full names or address, but understand that the guardians seem to be over-stepping their boundaries as these parents still have their rights intact and by playing the hide and seek game with them will probably serve you nothing but heartache if the other couple is willing to be upfront with them. You can always be upfront about using initials only or alias' and can set up a PO Box for communication or go through your attorney's office. You request a closed adoption where you send updates periodically to the parents, but in most cases, you WILL at some point have to meet the parents. Better now then after they have chosen someone else more forthcoming. Kim

Is it possible that the bparents are wanting a more open adoption and this new set of PAPs are willing to do that? The bottomline is, it is upto the bparents if they choosing the aparents. As long as this baby wasn't TPRed by the courts, the bparents have the say as to where the baby goes and a judge would be more prone to grant their wishes. A guardian simply cannot call the shots, they maybe can make suggestions, but if the bparents choose andother couple and work out an agreable plan, I don't see how that can be over ridden. As I said, I know you have bonded with this baby, but the reality is the baby is still belonging to the birthparents. As much as you want this baby, you have to realize that the ultimate decision is that of the birtparents. What good is talking to the other PAPAs? I am sure they have their hearts set on this baby too. Best that you just speak with the bparents or their lawyer. That is the only way to find out exactly where you stand. I am sure God has ababy for you even if it is not this baby. EZ

I know what you mean. We so much want to talk to the birthparents, but we are sure they would not talk to us. Our attorney has already sent them a letter when they consented to adoption in the one and only counselling session with the guardians. So, we can't make it look like we're hunting them down. It goes against my personality to not be communicative with everyone involved. What is different about all this is that these bparents are very young and they do not have good communication skills at all. They cannot defend anything they have done in regard to the neglect and abandonment of this child. But yet they are angry with the guardians and they won't even come see the baby because they don't want to discuss anything with the guardians. All these guardians have done is help this child and have provided for its needs and provided TLC. The bparents willingly gave him up to there care and signed a Power of Attorney months ago. So, we're filing based on abandonment. That day has now passed, and we will file once the guardianship hearing is over. The other family has not filed yet for adoption. I'm wondering if they are waiting for the guardianship hearing to be over with first.

Well, there was no guardianship hearing because the bp's showed up with the other adoptive couple and their attorney. They had signed consents and an incomplete home study. The hearing is on continuance until August. After visiting with the guardinas, it turns out that this couple has other adopted children, one of which is autistic and epileptic and the other is ADHD. And they never intend on telling any of them they are adopted! Plus, they are neighbors of the bio grandparents of the child we wish to adopt. How can they not tell this child he's adopted when his bio grandparents and aunt are right next door? The guardians have tried to contact the bparents several times, but the bmom's mom with whom they live with hangs up on them. Their parental rights are not terminated yet, but they refuse to talk to the guardians, who are family. We have an appointment with the baby's GAL coming up to tell our story. The only thing we can hope for is that the "best interest of the child" prevails. We know that if this couple's home study comes out fine, we have little or no chance of adopting this child. We are accepting of that and are trying to back off emotionally. Meanwhile, the guardians are still hopeful. They're asking us to babysit for a few days while they go out of town. I have packed up the baby's room except for the crib. This whole thing is very hard on our family and our children. They miss him. These other aparents haven't called the guardians at all to check on him or ask any questions about him, even though they gave them their phone number. That's really strange to me. Ever since we learned about this baby in April, he's been with us off and on and we have been in contant daily communicaiton with the guardians. We didn't want to miss anything if he was to be our son.

I'm so sorry. I had a feeling this would happen. You really HAVE to go through the parents and no one else to attempt to adopt .....guardians, even guardians who are related, will not matter when it comes down to it. Unfortunately, you are a complete outsider in this situation and with no lawyer or reason to stake "claim" to this child, you will have no voice in court or with CASA. If this other couple pass their homestudy, there will nothing from what I have read that will keep them from adopting this child as they will be a suitable home and the bioparents have signed consent and want them to have the child. I am not sure where you are getting your info, but if it is not from the bioparents or adoptive couple themselves ...please do not believe all you hear. For one, if this couple do or do not tell their children they are adopted it is their business. Is it right? No. I do not agree with it and MANY on here will not agree with it....but it is their family and their choice and if bioparents KNOW that that is the plan and are still seeking to have their child placed with them then they must not mind or actually want it that way. To me, and this is just my opinion, the guardians in this case are overstepping their role and are causing drama where there should be none. Asking you to continue to babysit and being "hopeful" where there appears to be no hope is dishonest and hurtful. They appear to be stirring up trouble and with all the hang-ups you would think they might get a clue that they are not wanting to be heard from and their busybody ways could be the reason. The other acouple backing off from these guardians and not contacting them is a smart move as it seems that the bioparents are not fond of them. I think your daily contact with the guardians has affected your emotions to the point it has clouded your judgement. I think they gave you false hope. At this point, there seems to be very little you can do. Perhaps you could send a letter to the bioparents (through their attorney since grandma may confiscate it) and let them know that you love their child and want what is best for him and SHOULD things fall apart with this other couple that you are willing to talk face to face without the guardians present. I am so sorry you and your family are hurting. And I hope what I posted didn't offend you. It is just my opinion and I am just one person out here in cyberspace but I had been posting to your thread quite often and checking back to see how you were and how things turned out. Let us know if there is a U-turn in the situation. Kim

Thanks so much for replying. I appreciate your input. We had filed a petition to adopt through our attorney based on abandonment on the day of the hearing. This other couple turned in an incomplete home study, so they are supposed to be completing that before the August hearing. Our attorney told us that at that hearing, she will go with us, and the judge will decide whether this thing needs to go to trial or if the other couple can start the adoption preceedings. I agree with you that the guardians took things into their own hands when they didn't realize that they legally could not do anything to place him. Through them, we learned in early May that the birth parents had agreed to the adoption, then backed out. And again in June. We hung in there because we knew that the court would terminate their rights anyway, and we wanted to make ourselves available. So, we completed our home study and filed. Unknown to all of us, the birth parents signed their consents three days before legal abandonment. We do have an appointment with the baby's GAL next week. Even though we know it will be probably be fruitless, we feel the need to tell our story because the baby has been involved with us for most of his life. The dad's biograndparents are willing and eager to testify against their own son that he has is not able to make decisions regarding his baby. He has very low IQ, probably retardation. They also want a paternity test. My husband and I agree that this child needs his family ASAP, and if he's going to go there anyway, they need to stop and let him go. They are still holding out for "the best interest of the child" and hope that prevails. It is plain to see what the best interest is, but the law is the law. We have not withdrawn our petition yet, but after next week, we may do so depending on how we feel after the meeting with the GAL and the guardian's meeting with their attorney. If we back out, the guardians cannot contest it. As much as we want to raise this child and love him as much as we love our own, sometimes it is best to just step away. I'll let you know.

So much easier said than done though right? You've invested so much time and emotion into this child that he already feels like a member of the family. It is like that with fostering as well. You never really know in cases so twisted as this one. The other couple may back out, their homestudy may fail or not be completed in time and the judge may frown upon that, the paternity may throw everyone for a loop, etc. Hopefully, something definitive will happen in August so you will know this child's fate FOR SURE. It won't make it any easier to move on but will be a beginning to moving past a dream you had for so long. Just know you can vent and cry here anytime. Kim

Oh my goodness, I was just reading this entire post. I have two children, one thru domestic adoption and the other thru International. We had major issues with both! Please, if your still on this board, let us know what happened. Our thoughts are with you!

I am not able to elaborate right now about this case because we're going to court soon and I don't want anything to mess this up. Just let me tell you that things look very favorable for us being able to adopt this child. We have waited a long time for this. I will update with details later after the hearing. This is case is definitely worth taking note of because it could be encouraging to others. I will update you in about 3 weeks.

I've been peeking at your entries for a while now, "teaching mom". I'm so glad to hear that things may be favorable for you. The child has been with you for a while now, I hope the judge sees the importance of your bond with him. We went thru a contested adoption 2 years ago. I certainly know the emotional pain. Hang in there.