HELP... Need advise.....

Wow, that is tough. I would say that if you have really thought about it and are not sure that you want to adopt, I probably would not do it. There is nothing wrong with you feeling that way, and the last thing that you want is to end up resenting these kiddos. Good luck with making such a tough decision.

Okay, seeings how I am 52 and have two 12 year olds and an 8 year old, your comment about parenting kids when you are over 50 cracked me up. But seriously, if your heart is not telling you that adopting these kids is what you want - no need to do, don't go through with it. If you are not the right family for them, that means their family is still out there. Follow your instincts and your heart.

I think ALL your reasons are valid. I am 37 and have a bio 2yr old. There are days when I think of what I will feel like when he graduates at 18 and I am 53. Yikes! We are foster only so having to make the decision you are making is not something I have had to do. You ARE helping these children. You do NOT have to adopt them though. There is a family out there wanting a sibling group of boys and who will have no doubts about adopting them. I am a firm believer that in adoption and pregnancy, either you are BOTH on board or it doesn't happen. I would never want to cave on a decision this important and then find myself resentful 10yrs down the road. Good Luck! Kim

I agree it should be all or nothing, both parties have to agree. I will tell you that as other foster families have experienced they say no to adopting but when push comes to shove and it is time for the kids to go, they decide they cannot imagine life without them and change thier minds. I think this is more common with people who have had children placed for long term and I don't know your situation.

I am posting to say I strongly agree with the other posters. Parenting in any form requires a 100% total commitment and anything less is unacceptable. Don't beat yourself up about it, your limitations and reasons are valid and IMO its wonderful that you've examined and become aware of them BEFORE the adoption process. I'll be 38 next month and d/h is 43; besides my reunited daughter who is almost 23, the two of us have 16 year old twins and I gave birth to a son last weekend. It was a big shock and a huge adjustment. My d/h had a vasectomy 9 years ago so this was totally unexpected. My girls will be Jr.'s in high school this fall and I was so looking forward to being free to travel :airplane: and write once they left for college :thanks: in a couple of years. I long for a house free from the noise of Rap music, :rockband: ringing cell phones and constant teeny-boppers pounding on the door and swimming in the pool. I did not plan on enforcing curfew when I'm 60! :cowboy: I am not ashamed to admit I (we) considered all of our options before proceeding with the pregnancy. I also made arrangements to have my tubes tied this fall. I am looking at this tiny sleeping angelic face :wings: as I type and I thank Goodness for the option I decided on but like you, I had other thoughts. ( I had 'em again at 2 this morning!) :hissy: IMO...its OK Tracy