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So far we have for the most part decided to go with adoption. I know that many of you out there say that you should talk with someone who is middle aged and gone through it, if you have, I would LOVE to hear from you and your experiences. We have been looking at parent profiles of adoptive parents, but i'm not sure how any of it works. How do you contact multiple families before making a choice on one? I think it will be hard to contact a family and then say no. Once you contact the family how does a private adoption work (from what i've heard agencies are really pushy)... do I need a lawyer? I really don't know anything about adoption processes, so any information that you could provide me would be so helpful in this time of need.
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Our DS's birthmom found us through parent profiles online (can I say that here??), her initial contact was via email which after answering her initial quesitions progressed into phone calls, and eventually we met in person. I do not know how many other people (if any) she contacted. But I would recommend contacting as many people as you need to to find the Paparents that are right for you. Don't worry about saying no if they are not the right people for you. If you would like an open adoption it is super important that you feel like you can have a positive relationship with the paparents you choose. IF you are looking at profiles online the paparents should be working with either an agency or an attorney. Regardless of which route you go you have the right to have your own attorney if you choose. You should also make sure that you are able to get counseling. In a private adoption these are expenses that I would think that most PAparents would be prepared to pay.Alternately you could talk to agencies or attorneys yourself and work with only those you are comfortable with.Oh and remember that even if you 'choose' PAparents, that the real decision is made after your child is born and you can still change your mind about adoption and about the PAparents. .
Enjoy I would not just talk to someone who is middle aged and gone thru placing. Anyone who has placed today, a year ago, or 20 years ago might have valuable insight for you. As an amom please make sure you look at all the avenues so that you are able to make a sound decision. One thing I have learned from here is that once everything is signed, dotted, and crossed you can't go back. If my daughters parents were able to parent her I wish they would have. I can't imagine the pain of placing a precious baby.
I don't know how parent profiles works as I went through a private agency. But, I was able, if I wanted to meet with as many couples as I needed to do decide if they were the right ones. I would imagine though that if you contact them saying "I am interested but have a few questions to ask before I can make a decision..." that should be okay and honestly if they don't respect your right to ask questions then they aren't the right couple for you and your baby. Also, one thing to remember is that you don't have to make a decision before the baby is born. Take your time. As for agencies - they run the gamet - some are pushy, yes and others aren't. Ask birthmothers here what agency they used and if they were happy (but please do so by private message). I don't know how an adoption without an agency would work except that yes, you would need a lawyer.
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If you are going the private route (or, really, any route), PLEASE make sure that you are receiving your OWN legal counsel. Realize that an attorney that is representing the adoptive family and/or paid for by the adoptive family does NOT have YOUR best interest in mind or even the best interest of the child... they are going to want to please the paying client.That said, I encourage you to look around the blogosphere at the MANY birth parent blogs. You will find a wide and varying group of voices, all with vastly different stories to tell. Some are happy. Some are not. All are beneficial for you to read at this stage in the game.
I'm a birthmom with a 23 year old son. It was a completely closed adoption where I was told to 'forget about it, move on'. I know that's impossible! We've been in reunion for 1 1/2 years now and that helps a lot. I would make sure to address your feelings and how you think you might deal with the relinquishment of a child. I mention that because it was something I wasn't allowed to do really, and that made a difficult situation even harder. I do feel like I made the best decision at the time as far as the adoption goes. I just wish I'd know about open adoptions.
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