Separation Anxiety

It seems like what you are describing is in the realm of attachment issues. I was adopted as an infant and thought all of my life that I didn't have issues because I had no photographic memories of my birth family. I have learned that we also have "cellular" memory meaning our bodies remember things even if our minds do not remember. As I have starting working on my issues, I realize that my entire life has been affected by attachment issues related to being adopted. It seems like I opened up a Pandora's box when I started working on these issues, but I know I will be glad that I did it in the end.

I am an AP . We adopted our baby at birth. She's just a toddler now and we are very very bonded. To the extent i just can't bear to go away from her for even some important work for more than 2-3 hours.(I'm a Stay home mom now) My tummy hurts if hers does too. She needs me all the time and her little world revolves around me despite her daddy always being there for her. And a full time maid who watches her very very occassionally in my absense. I just wanted to ask the adoptees who are facing seperation anxiety. And don't feel you are missing your A.parents in their absense. Were you always this way even as small children or does that feeling come later as an adult. I don't wish to hurt any one with my question. I just keep wondering if our child will face this too as an adult. P.S- I am afraid to read P.W

As a child I had huge issues with it. I used to stay with my grandparents for about a week at a time and remember crying myself to sleep every night. Basically my thoughts were, my AParents were going to die or not come back and get me. This lasted into my teen years. Now, when I go see my parents and then leave - I still have feelings like, what if that was the last time I saw them. I'm sad for a few hours and want to go back. After that, I'm fine.. I stop missing them, and sometimes don't even think about them. Its an out of sight/out of mind type of thing I think. But its like that for me with everyone, not just my parents. If I don't see you and talk to you, its like you don't exist. Its not that I don't love them. I think its just a way that I learned to cope with them not being around. I will tell you though, this is how I felt. My brother is also adopted, has had no issues with it. Please don't assume that, this is how your daughter will feel. Its good to see that you are so interesested, but I do hope that you remember your daughter is an individual who's feelings are her own. It can be very infuriating(speaking from experience) when a parent says, we'll I have read, and talked to other people about it, so this is how you must feel. So please, let her feel how she feels, love her for who she grows up to be.

Thx i appreciate your response. I do too believe every child is a different individual and reading different adult adoptees and their experience really enforces that view in me. I can just try to be a very good parent and avoid all mistakes adoptive parents make. And support our child through any emotional crisis she ever faces if she faces.

I can definitely related to what everyone is talking about. In my case, I was not relinquished for adoption until I was 6 months old because my bmom was trying to find some way of being able to keep me. I was put into an infant home, orphanage, whatever you wish to call it and she never visited me. I was cared for by Nuns and volunteers. By the time she signed the papers and I was officially adopted my parents didn't take me home until I was just about 9 months old. So basically I spent the first 8-9 months of my life alone with no one to bond to. I definitely think it had a profound impact on my life. I am scared to death of rejection and understand the holding people at arm's length but at the same time when I do love someone I love them SOOOOOO MUCH and I am scared to death of losing them and being "alone" again. It's a very strange dual identity almost and hard to explain to anyone who doesn't understand it. I come from a family of 8 children and many aunts, uncles and cousins but at the same time feel absolutely, totally alone and like I'm not connected to them or anyone else. And thank you, Katie52, for maybe giving another possible viewpoint on this. Everyone is different and is affected by different things and I think your point was very valid. We've all heard studies about what a fetus "absorbs" and we've seen people who put headphones to their stomachs so the baby can listen to the music, etc. so why would it be such a stretch to think that the way a woman may be feeling when she's pregnant and her emotions during that time wouldn't somehow be transferred to her unborn child. Definitely food for thought.