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I have been having problems with my 4 YO breaking things that belong to others, and showing no remorse. This behavior has escalated in the last couple of weeks, and yesterday she broke her sister's shoe (pulled the elastic until it broke) because she wanted to get her to play with her. We tried to talk to her about it, and her attention kept drifting to other things in the room, looking at the cats, asking what the noise was, etc, and not looking at me unless I asked her to. We discussed how breaking things makes other people sad and makes them not like her. And how we should treat others how we want them to treat us.
So then DH took her aside and asked her to repeat one thing she and mommy had talked about. All she said is Me not break (5 YO) shoe any more. I don't know if she's being defiant or really doesn't understand (she doesn't seem to retain anything we talk about when it comes to discipline).
What puzzles me is that previous FP who had her since 11 mo did not see any of the destructive behaviors we are seeing right now, but they seem to escalate after we have a visit with them. My question, is this always signs of attachment problems? If so, do I need to be requesting attachment therapy for her (I'd like to get all needed services in place prior to the adoption if at all possible).
Thanks for any and all advice!
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You should definitely have your daughter assessed by a mental health professional familiar with both RAD and other disorders. There are a lot of things that could cause your daughter's behaviors, so you don't want to jump to the conclusion that it's RAD without ruling out other possible causes. It could be an adjustment disorder, conduct disorder, or something else, but whatever it is, some sort of therapy is probably a good idea.
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Does she have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? That causes a lack of cause and effect and a lack of retention. Could be RAD, but also could be many other things.
I would do a lot of attachment parenting activities. Lots of holding, cuddling, eye contact. Limit her world to just you as much as possible.
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Lorraine123
Does she have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? That causes a lack of cause and effect and a lack of retention. Could be RAD, but also could be many other things.
I would do a lot of attachment parenting activities. Lots of holding, cuddling, eye contact. Limit her world to just you as much as possible.
She has not been diagnosed with FAS, though it is possible I guess (though not in mom's listed history). She does have hydrocephalus, had a Grade 4 IVH shortly after birth, and has a cyst on the brain. She was a difficult to care for infant, and was in 8 placements before 11 months old. We've noted developmental delays, but the school noted nothing abnormal when evaluating her, other than potential emotional issues (based on our descriptions).
What's really hard is both DH and I are working full time, and only have the weekends and evenings to spend with her. And lately most of her evenings have been in time-out due to aforementioned behaviors or screaming at DH or I. Though she can be very helpful when she wants to - she helped hang shirts up when I was doing laundry this weekend, and did a really good job. She wants to help you do things around the house. She also has been good about getting dressed and ready in the morning so I have time to "pretty" her hair, but then a tantrum 2 minutes later and pulls everything out.
I have a call in to my worker requesting a therapist referral, as I've tried just about everything I can think of. We try to do holding and eye contact activites with her, but if she's not in the mood, it's very painful to both me and her.
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Based on her history, she could be at-risk for RAD, not only because of the multiple moves, but also because her medical needs probably took precidence over her emotional needs in those important early months.
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When my daughter is overwhelmed by something, especially criticism (implied or spoken), she often dissociates. She'll talk about random things, go off and start playing almost frantically (playdoh or sand or something sensory can sometimes help her with this), sometimes she shuts down completely, sometimes she melts down -tears and tantrums, sometimes she tries to run away (fight, flight or freeze).
As she works through her feelings in therapy, and as we attempt to avoid things or situations we know will trigger her, she has been improving. She is better able to handle things that would have set her off before. She has been in attachment therapy for 1 and 1/2 years.
Just a thought.
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