How do I back away?

I think you have every right to stop @ this point while breast milk is best for babies there are other milks the baby can drink that will do fine. I respect you and admire your dedication to your child and her parents and you need time for yourself to deal with the legal seperation of your child. I would tell her parents that its too much for you right now and that you need some time to deal with your loss.

I would just be honest. I would tell them its been really hard seeing the baby all the time. If you still wish to pump - just ask to arrange the pickups with only one of them. If you no longer wish to pump - just tell them. I am SURE they will understand - and frankly just be grateful for all this time that you have been pumping. Just like every other concern that comes up in OA - communication is the key.

Freezing the milk doesn't damage it all that much. Yes, some nutrients are lost but not enough that mothers are told not to feed their children frozen milk. It's the only option for many a working mother who relies on a freezer stash to get ahead of the pumping game. Just throwing that out there as you mentioned the twice weekly visits are getting to be too much. Have you considered freezing a month's worth and handing it off once a month? Just consider it.That said, you have to do what is best for you at this point. You have provided breastmilk now for nearly five months. Do you realize that's more than the majority of birthed and parented children? Sad, but true. You deserve accolades for all the work you have put into this, not the guilt trip that you are putting yourself through. You have proven yourself to be an amazing mother. You need to take care of yourself. And you know that.To ask for it, be honest. Explain that it's hard to see her so often. Ask if they could pick up the milk on their own. Or if someone else could deliver it for awhile as you work on finding some personal peace. And if you're just 100% done with pumping, say so. I hate pumping myself and only need to do it once a week!Just be honest. It will be okay.

Just be honest. The main key to open adoptions is honesty. We had some communication issues in our OA and I found it had to be because we weren't being completely honest. I am sure she will understand.

Ditto what Jenna said....

It’s too much. It’s too hard. I know we planned to keep things very open but I need some time, some space. How do I ask for that without hurting them or damaging the relationship?------------------------------------For the sake of the rest of your long , very long, OA relationship, you need to express this to them. Believe me, you have gone above and beyond the call of duty. I really hope that your a-parents begin putting your needs, and emotions ahead of their 'perceived' needs for the baby. Honestly, baby will be just fine with a substitution. Both of our kids, now grown , were bottle fed. They are just fine, and had no childhood illnesses / deficiencies to speak of.I hope they will gain the ability to be sensitive to your feelings and needs as time goes on. I also wonder how this is working for the baby in the long run. I mean to be thrust into your arms once or twice a week, nursed, then taken away, back to aparents home--just seems hard on the kid imo.To me, it is kind of like, you are newly married, settling in with your new husband, new life, but once a week, you go back to your ex for a nice cuddle. I may be way off base, and I apologize if I am , but I think your aparents are asking WAY too much of you.For the sake of your ongoing OA, you might need to set some boundaries for yourself, in what you are able to offer them. It will be wonderful, in the future, to be able to tell your bchild, that you nursed them, but 5 months is along time, and it might be too much for you.__________________

We weren’t actually concerned that the baby would bond excessively with me through the nursing. It wasn’t too long ago that wet nurses were popular and sometimes, people even find one now or will nurse the child of a friend or whatnot. Not very popular and you have to be careful about diseases (like hepatitis) that can be transferred in breast milk…but in my case, it’s not a worry for the a-mom. If she’s drinking the milk fresh but form the bottle, what difference does it make that she occasionally drinks “from the tap” except that it helps to increase my supply and make the pumping easier? As for the cuddling part - How many other people cuddle the baby on a regular basis without causing confusion? Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends? Why is one more bad…or is only bad because I’m the birth mom? Does signing away legal rights mean I shouldn’t want to hold her? Baby’s mom’s best friend hold her and feeds her and babysits. She has no legal rights but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care; why shouldn’t I hold baby? Does signing the papers mean I should stop caring? ::deep breath, right? Remember I’m on an emotional edge:: At 5 months old, she shows a distinct preference for her mother (not me). Also, her latch is becoming poor from too many bottles (they require a different technique than breasts). ANYWAY…for those interested in what happened when I talked to them – Dad took it very well, didn’t realize that the amount of contact was too much, said it seems good to them. Maybe in a while, it will be okay for me too, but not quite yet. Mom seemed surprised and disappointed and got real quiet. Then a few hours after I had left, I got an email from them. It’s not a bad compromise. I can live with it. For the next week, I’m going to keep up the every 4 hour round the clock pumping sessions. I’ll freeze immediately and the a-dad will pick them up once a week (alone). They’ll start replacing 2 feedings per day with formula and see how that works out. Next week, I’ll drop back to pumping every 6 hours and stash it in the freezer until the pick up. Two weeks after that, I’ll drop to pumping every 8 hours for a month. Then I’ll drop one pumping session per week until I’m done. Pumping every 4 hours for 20 minutes each time, I’m producing about 60oz per day. Baby isn’t drinking that much and they have been freezing & using the excess. And, baby started solids (just rice cereal). With any luck, They’ll be able to freeze enough that at least some of her feedings can be breast milk for a while and she’ll be able to wean gradually to formula. It’s not exactly what I wanted. I can’t just toss the pump and try to forget. Truthfully, I’m not sure I could without feeling horribly guilty. But at least I get to cut back, maybe get a good night’s sleep. 2 more months isn’t all that much to me and that extra milk could make a difference for baby.

Sounds like a good compromise to me. If your happy with it. But it's your body and your milk so it's your choice, not the adoptive parents. If you need to transition sooner than don't feel bad about it. You've already given the baby a great head start at life. I do think gradually backing off will be easier (physically) than just stopping cold turkey and dealing with engorgment and possibly mastitis.