Article In Ebony Magazine

Yash, Thanks. I think that we all must continue to educate others and encourage others when we can. I am finding people are just not educated on it and every little bit helps! I hope that there will be an increase with AA families with domestic and or international adoptions. Thanks for your well wishes with our adoption process. I am hoping that I will be able to encourage others to also bless a child and their family by adopting. Kristy

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[FONT=Times New Roman]While our children being adopted by families other than AA can be challenging (due to societal ignorance), I strongly believe that a LOVING and NURTURING home and family is the most important issue.[/FONT]

[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]As an AA adoptee ( my aparents are AA also), I agree with this statement. I also am an adoptive parent of an AA son. I was born and adopted in 1967 (closed adoption), and I am so grateful and blessed for my parents and the life they gave me. I think for many AA families there is a stigma about adopting a bad seedӔ; I was very fortunate not to experienced this from my extended afamily. I also think one of the reasons why weӔ arent ғdoing private adoptions is because nowadays, OAԒs (open adoptions) are pushed. I know people that know about my sons semi-open adoption are shocked that I email my sonҒs bmom photos and updates. A lot of us believe when you ( bparent) place a child, you have no right to see or know about the child until the child wants to meet you.[/FONT]

Manni28, I was going to mention the open adoption movement probably was keeping some families from moving forward with a private adoption.

[FONT=Verdana]Yash:[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]I agree, a lot of us don't embrace the " birth family is your family too, because your child has two sets of parents" concept. Which I can understand, because I don't believe it either. My son has one set of parents-me and hubby. He has birthparents but they aren’t on equal footing as me and hubby because they aren't his parents. I think for some OA means that.[/FONT]

Actually I have heard differently. I have heard that many AA families have been in "in-family" adoptions & most of the time those ARE open even though they don't CALL it that, so a lot of the AA people I have talked to are very understanding about our open adoption. They realize it's not co-parenting. I'm not saying EVERY one gets it - but for the most part I have found the AA community to be very understanding with open adoption. Different experiences for different people I guess. I think it's also different in the area also.

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[FONT=Times New Roman]Actually I have heard differently. I have heard that many AA families have been in "in-family" adoptions & most of the time those ARE open even though they don't CALL it that, so a lot of the AA people I have talked to are very understanding about our open adoption. They realize it's not co-parenting.

I'm not saying EVERY one gets it - but for the most part I have found the AA community to be very understanding with open adoption. Different experiences for different people I guess. I think it's also different in the area also.[/FONT]

[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]Vogi:[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]Its true the AA community has been doing OA (in family adoptions) for years. But with those family adoptions the boundaries and roles of the members are clearly set. With todayҒs OA there seems to be a sense of your child has two sets of parents so the aparents must share the childӔ or everyone is this one big happy familyӔ concept, imo. For many AAs who want to adopt, it's considered extreme. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Not to be harsh, but a woman (in particularly a grown woman with or without other children) who places a child for adoption is looked down on. So to have an OA with a person who has placed their child, and allow them to have a role in th child's life, is concept some AAҒs dont want to be a part of. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Everybody is different.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]-Manni:camo: [/FONT]

I do know there is a big stigma in the AA community with women who place (more so than the normal stigma birthmothers get). I think this is also where the "bad blood" stems from. BUT I know many AA people & Families who DO NOT feel this way so I don't want to generalize here. I think that's funny that you say the boundaries are clear & set - to me that is what a healthy OA is also. But it is hard for people to understand if they aren't "there" & if they don't hold birthmothers in the same regard as they would a member of their family (like an in-family adoption). It's so interesting for me to read about this, it's a very complex issue. Mainly I just don't think adoption is educated to the AA community enough, people just don't know. KWIM?

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[FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Times New Roman]I think this is also where the "bad blood" stems from[/FONT][/FONT]

[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]I’m not too sure about that. I think “bad blood” comes from the saying: “with adoption you don’t KNOW what you’re getting ( i.e. mental illness,drug/alcohol exposure )”, you know like the movie the “bad seed”.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]

[FONT=Times New Roman]I think that's funny that you say the boundaries are clear & set - to me that is what a healthy OA is also. But it is hard for people to understand if they aren't "there" & if they don't hold birthmothers in the same regard as they would a member of their family (like an in-family adoption).

It's so interesting for me to read about this, it's a very complex issue. Mainly I just don't think adoption is educated to the AA community enough, people just don't know.[/FONT]

[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]I agree to a point. For many of us, our view of adoption is different from what’s pushed today. The “sharing” concept of OA and other things isn’t what many AA want. However, I do think many are comfortable with semi ( sending letters and updates) then closed adoptions. And I agree, it's very interesting to see how different groups view adoption.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]-Manni:camo: [/FONT]

I still just don't think that is one of the reasons that AA are not adopting. There are so many options out there (especially for an AA family when there is a need) I just don't see this as being a main reason. Plus from the AA friends / people I have spoken with this is never a big deal to them (or at least a deal breaker). More people to me seem to have a problem with cost more than anything. That is the one and only thing that most of my AA friends instantly shut down with... Maybe that is why some agencies are trying to cut costs for AA children?? I don't know...

Actually, having adopted my 2 oldest sons from foster care, the push of open adoptions isn't limited to AA's. A CA friend and a Hispanic friend are aghast at open adoptions. They (both friends to me but not to each other) feel that when a woman gives her kids up, she loses all rights to see and/or talk to said kids.

What's funny to me (not to make this an OA discussion) is that OA isn't about the birthmom's rights - it's about the adoptee. So when people talk to me about how the birthmom doesn't have the right I tell them it isn't about her! If you tell me that you don't believe it is the best thing for the child then I can understand that, but as far as healthy OA's go - it's for the child, the aparents & the bparents just happen to benefit as well.

Hi, I adopted a beautiful AA baby boy. I have fostered him since he was born. We are a white family and have experienced many wonderful helpful AA people. They are the first to offer advice from how to take care of his hair to recommendation of books he may enjoy. It was not hard for us to decide to adopt him. We love him. That said we did a tremendous amount of research on how to raise an AA child in a white home. We do know that there will be challenges that we will have to deal with as he grows up but I would hope that as long as we love him and continue to educate ourselves as much as we can we believe he will be a wonderful child, teen and then adult. We also find keeping in touch with his birth brothers and his birth mother with also help. We now are fostering his bio sister which we hope to adopt also. His mother and I see each other every week and I also bring my son with me so that she has contact with him. She knows that we love him and is grateful to us for giving him a loving home. I understand that there are some people who believe that the only people who can raise a AA child is a AA person but in our area there are very few AA foster parents or adoptive parents. In the long run every child deserves to have a forever family. We will do whatever it takes to make sure that he is loved and gets whatever he needs. Sometimes color doesn't matter.

[FONT=Verdana][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]As an adoptee ( Im AA and so are my aparents) I agree with you 250%. Children deserve love, stability and a healthy environment, color shouldnҒt matter.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]-Manni:flower: [/FONT]

Yes, cost is a huge issue, and for some its about the historical aspect of having a price on a child.. fee or no fee title. The other is well the fees are too high, I could not get Dh to fork our money, over a certain amount even if I held my breath. Open adoption can be a concern for some, as one is fearful of losing their privacy, but on the other hand, a lot of us do value knowing of the child's roots.. a contradictory combo of feelings. Some will accept semi open adoption, and Domestic agencies reflect that as opposed to closed adoption. My experience is it's up to the birth parent to ask for a closed adoption in this day and age. I dislike hearing/reading that Blacks do not care for their own, that's a huge misconception. Adoption has always been a factor in AA/Blacks lives, via informal, formal, kinship care, foster. Domestic adoption is a new concept for a lot of AAs, since foster care is the first option that we are aware of. In the "traditional" AA community, a woman relinquishing a child is not readily seen as an option, therefore the flip side is not too popular.

ITA!! People (AA, CC and Hispanic) can't understand why I let my 2 sons see their birth mom. I stopped the visits when SHE made a promise and didn't keep it. Until then, my boys needed to see her. I think mothers who give up their kids are looked down on.