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I have become an unofficial "big sister" to a 12 year old girl with attachment disorder, among other things.
I'm helping the child's family by taking the child out with me for a few hours about every other weekend. The family desperately needs the break. At least I'm familiar with the diagnoses, and won't intentionally cause problems. I know not to believe the child, I know not to encourage her to like me, I know to keep the rules her parents set no matter what, I know to communicate fully with her parents and make sure she knows I do that, etc.
Anyway, one of the girl's triggers is being told "no". It often prompts a huge meltdown and sometimes a rage. Is there any help you can give me for other ways to deal with the situation when the child wants something she can't have?
Does using different words help? (Instead of "no you can't get a dog", using "You will have to wait until you're 18 to get a dog")
What about distraction? (Using "lets go see the birds, instead")
What about allowing her a little of what she wants but not the whole thing? (Using "let's pet the dog for a few minutes and then finish our errands)
Honestly, I'm really hoping she honeymoons with me for at least a few outings before she decides to dislike me too. I don't know if I will continue to take her out with me once she chooses to try to attack me - physical assault is the way she often does react, but only after she knows the person well. But I'd like to practice proper "no" responses while there's still a chance she'll accept a straight "no" when I forget to respond properly.
Any help? Thanks! (I've also posted this in the Special Needs forum)
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first you put on a suit of all metal and make sure you have a big shield....lol. Actually I have found that saying No firmly and sticking to it works best. If I say no with words behind it then my daughter doesn't seem to hear the no. If my daughter whines after the no then I send her to time out...if she really wants to have a fit I let her but she must clean up the mess after. When she understands the no and it was important to her then I can explain the reason why but most of the time her asking is a way for her to test me. She really could care less one way or the other but she does ask me all day long for everything. Sometimes it would be easier just to say yes. Edited to add: I just read some other responses to your double post...they are excellent, if you can offer a choice of course do that but with my daughter I would offer two choices and she would want a third. I would offer five choices and she would want the 6th choice. Does this girl really want a puppy?
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