Tired and Frustrated...

I've never been pg; never wanted to.....so I can't give too much advice on that one. But, I HAVE known what it was to be alone---with a great husband....but one that worked a lot of hours; or had to be away for the military (then) and sometimes business (now). I would check to see if there's a MOPS or MOMS group near you. I've only read/seen some of the things they can do----(I go to their great rummage sales)...and they're really too far for me to get there on a monthly basis. But, I know one of the primary reasons they exist, is to provide support for other moms. Check them out, this may be a good resource for you. I hope so. Most Sincerely, Linny

I understand where you're coming from. We adopted our two oldest (2.5 years and 16 months old) and have had them both basically since birth. Our bio son will be a year old next week. I had never been pregnant before. I was so tired for my whole pregnancy. Also, for the first part of my pregnancy I felt a sort of uneasiness. A low level dread that I couldn't find a cause for. I'm sure it was the hormones and I figured that out at the time but knowing that only helped so much. And we waited until the second trimester to share the news. In retrospect we probably shouldn't have done that - then I would have been able to talk to friends that had been through a pregnancy. I felt guilty because it seemed like my kids got cheated while I was pregnant because I was so tired and couldn't physically do some things. At the same time I felt guilty that I paid so little attention to my pregnancy and my unborn son. I've also wondered if my older children will someday feel hurt or replaced because we decided to have a bio child. At this point I honestly don't think so. Although I fully expect to have discussions on this issue. I am simply going to do the best I can. And I have faith that it will be enough. It was always hard for me to imagine quite how a new baby would find a place in our family. And how our current children would adjust. There are so many unknowns before you actually meet the baby. But every child has a special place in our family. They are each so different. And somehow there is time enough for each of them. There is love enough for each of them. And they each have a special and unique story of how they came to be in this family. I hope that you start feeling better about this. Many women (myself included) feel generally better in the second trimester. And I hope that's the case for you. There is an end to this even if it's hard to see at this point. I was so sick of being pregnant by the end. At the time it seemed to take forever. But it does end and things do get better. You've got such a lot on your plate right now. Try to take it easy on yourself. Don't worry about how the kids are going to feel years down the line. There's plenty of time for that later. Try to enjoy what you can from these months. :)

Thank you so much for your replies! I am going to try and attend MOPS, it starts next week at my church. Last year I ran into being, by far, the youngest mom there (I am 23). I am hoping that this year there will at least be one other younger mom, or at least another adoptive mom. I know that my boys will make it through this pregnancy and that as long as we approach the subject right they should be accepting of our decision to birth a child. I just love my boys so much and this pregnancy has been kind of rough on me. Thanks again for your words and shared stories it is nice to know someone else experienced the same feelings!

You didn't say how far along you are, but the first trimester is definately the worst. Also, as far as worrying about your son kicking or hitting yor stomach... that little one inside is so well cushioned, there is no way a toddler could hit you hard enough to cause ay harm to the new baby. You certainly don't want your child hitting or kicking you, or anyone else, but you don't need to worry about the baby (at least not till after the birth).

My situation is different from yours, our 2 bio children are older than our ads. I have some worries about how he will feel being the only one adopted. As far as the pregnancy...When I was preg with #2 I was so worried that my older child would feel neglected, sad, jealous. I also worried that I would not love my 2nd child as much as my first. Other than a little jealousy every now and then, none of my other fears are even close to reality! I believe that anytime you bring another child into your home, whether bio or adopted or possibly even foster, your going to worry how the other children will handle it. I do admit though, that having both bio and adopted has it's unique challenges. The thing is, I love all 3 of my children and they all know it. And they all love each other. In the end, as long as that love is known and felt I believe we will all be just fine. As to be tired all the time...My first preg. was the hardest on me. I was drained. I don't know how I would have been able to handle that and 3 children! I was lucky that my 2nd pregnancy wasn't as hard on me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thanks again... I am almost 16 weeks pregnant now and the time has gone oh so fast and yet really slow? Today I have an encouraging day, my 2.5 yr old started gymnastics and LOVED it! I am hoping that with some time just for me and him it will ease my fears and help him be more secure in our relationship.

I have each of my kids in baby/toddler gym classes too. It gets to be really tricky some weeks because they don't have childcare at the gym and so I have to coordinate babysitting for the two kids that aren't going to class that day. But it's really nice to have that one-on-one time. And it's nice to be able to chat with the other moms (it's really hard to have a conversation with anybody when I have all three kids). I catch myself thinking from time to time that it isn't worth the hassle but I always feel good about it when I go. My DD absolutely LOVES it. Also, a note on the subject of being alone. (Thought some might find this entertaining). My DH has started working a few evenings a week. That means I'm going to be doing the dinner/bath/bed routine on my own some nights. DH usually does the baths while I clean up after dinner. Well, I did the baths for the first time in a while the other night. I do them at the same time so I can keep the kids where I can see them (it's not like I can leave a kid in the tub to go check on other kids). Anyway, I guess I didn't realize how tricky this particular task has become. DS1 frantically splashes every second he's in the tub and is obsessed with the toilet while he's out of the tub (so I can't decide if I should clean him first or last). DS2 won't stay seated and is fascinated by the faucet (clumsy 1 year old + really slippery situation + protruding metal faucet with sharp edges = it's just not good). DD is two and a half years old and is usually pretty tired and cranky by bath time. She loves playing in the bath. It's the associated activities she's apt to throw a screaming, kicking, tantrum over (sitting on the potty prior to bath, sharing toys in the tub, etc). The bathroom is just not big enough for all of this! :arrow:

I can tell you without hesitation that exhaustion is a normal part of pregnancy...so is worrying about the children you already have. My youngest 2 are 19 mths, 7 days apart. I worried about my son feeling neglected, that I couldn't do everything with him because I was pregnant, that he would be missing being the 'baby' for longer...And he's just fine. Now the kids just gang up on me :woohoo: