A Strange question for Birthmoms

Dear Jeavesmom, I'd like to echo what JustPeachy said. My circumstances made it plain to me that adoption was the best choice for my children at that time. Though the reassurances that my son & daughter would be raised together and not split up did ease my mind somewhat. Wishing you a good day!

I was pretty sure that adoption was the right choice for me and my baby the entire time that I was researching it. However, the moment that solidified my decision was when I thought to myself, "If I keep her, maybe [birthfather] will stay." I loved my baby's dad more than I imagined was possible. But, we were so young and it was so hard to go through the pregnancy together. We needed to be apart so we could both grow up and figure out who we were as individuals. I knew that I wasn't ready to be the kind of mom I wanted for my baby and I wanted her to have a dad who was as great as mine. I had great reasons for placing her (that are still just as valid as they were the day she was born). Quite honestly, I made the entire decision without input from many other people. The people I discussed the decision with would have been supportive of whatever decision I made. To this day, I don't know what my parents wanted me to do. They always answered that question with "You need to do what you think is right."

I take responsibility ,because I was 25 and should have known better. My SW told me if I did not sign papers I could lose my 6 yr old and my twins would have to go into fostercare until ALL Dr.'s appts, hospital, expenses, food(i.e.lunches purchased,suppers) etc was paid back, even then a judge would have to decide.....Yes ultimately it was none other than I, cowardness and stupidity have no age limit...I have paid that price for 22 yrs. now, but I still have 1 beautiful and amazing son who is now 29..so it is bittersweet! :hissy:

I knew from the beginning that adoption was the best choice for me. I was only 16 at the time, and was not ready for the committment of raising a child. I wanted my child to have a better life than what I could provide him at the time. If you choose adoption, it needs to be your decision and not someone else's. Although adoption was the right choice for me, it isn't always the right choice for everyone.

Like the others, I can't think of one particular thing that was said to me to help me decide. I was a senior in college when I gave birth. Partially as a result of my psycholgy courses, partially because of my knowledge of myself and my own childhood, I believed it was the most loving thing I could do for him. I still believe that children deserve parents who are ready to be parents. My mother was against adoption, my father for it. Both were willing to support my decision. Thirty-six years later, I still believe it was the best decision for D despite the effects on my life.

My mom said to me...When you are a single parent you dont know what it means to live, you only know how to exist. She then went on to say that you learn to exist for your child, but never for yourself. That being a single parent was not a way to live if you have another choice. Those words have stuck with me for the last 18 years taht I have lived the journey of being J's birthmom. Honestly though I look back and realize that I would rather have had the simple existence of a single parent than the existence that I have had as a birthmom. At least as a single parent I would have had my daughter with me.

No one talked me into my decision to relinquish R. First, I tossed around the unthinkable, I was only 16 and scared to death. That didn't happen and with a lot of soul searching, I chose adoption. I was lucky enough to have so much support from my mom, my friends and other family members. I even had a friends parents offer to adopt her so that I could still be in her life...a thought which was just not fathomable to me. I applaude anyone who can go into an open adoption and make it work. For me, the thought of seeing my child everyday and not being the one she called "mom", would have killed me. My mom said that she'd do whatever she could to help me in whatever I decided. I chose adoption, because first and foremost I wanted my child to have "things" that at that time I didn't think I could provide. Had I known then what I know now, my choice might have been very different. I also had a fear that because I was so young, I might resent my child for keeping me from doing things I wanted to do...that would be unfair. A baby has no say so in where or how they come to be in this world. Even though I know my mother didn't mean to, she was also a factor in my choice. I am one of four and my mom practically single handedly raised all of us kids. I saw how hard it was on her and how hurt she was when she couldn't give us the things we needed or wanted all the time. I could not make her struggle to help me with mine, just as I didn't want to put that on my child, having them see my hurt in not being able to provide for them like I wanted to. Last, her bfather's family had looser morals when in came to their kids. They allowed them to do things that were illegal and they allowed their friends to do so as well. I didn't want my child to be involved in that and I knew a definite way to keep her safe was to choose adoption. I wanted so many times to change my mind, I kept going over and over it in my head....in the end, I still felt as though it was the best choice for me and R.

In my case I was only 16 and my parents didnt really give much choice. But I do feel I made the right choice. I think he had a better chance at a good life than if I decided to keep him. I have found my son after 37 years. The reunion was good but he dosnt keep in contact with me any more. I dont really understand but I still feel blessed that I got to meet him.

i made what i thought would be best for both him and myself. i was barely 17 and was very sheltered. i had no clue how to raise a son. i wanted him to have everything, to have all the best things in life. i felt i had nothing to give him but my heart. i still don't know if i made the right decision, but i can't undo what i did 28 years ago.

At the time I felt it was my only option because the birth father and I were not together, I was 17, had no job, no money etc. No one told me about any resources that could have been available to me.

40 years ago, at the tender age of 15, when I finally told my mom that I had been raped, and was pregnant, she told me "I cannot raise another child." and that was the end of that. We went to court on my 16th birthday I hated mom for a long time, til about 4 and 1/2 years later, when I became a single mom. After raising my boy alone, I realize that she made exactly the right decision for both me and my daughter. I was blessed to be reunited with my daughter when she was 17. She's turned into a wonderful, loving, and responsible lady, despite the fact that she was molested by her a.father. While I can probably be sure she wouldn't have been molested had I kept her, I can't be sure something worse wouldn't have happened. The child I kept is now a drug addict/alcoholic, who has been fighting his demons for a very long time. I'm pretty sure some of those demons came from my being a single mom, and him never knowing his dad. At any rate, the answer to the question is when I finally met her. Then I knew that mom had indeed made the right decision.

i was 17 when i had my son and 18 when i gave him up it was knowing in my heart that i could not give him the life that i wanted him to have and that he deserved better than what i could ever give him....it was out of my love for him that i knew adoption was the right choice. 21 yrs later mt only regret is that i had him when i wasn't able to care for him. this is a hard decision to make but i can only tell you to follow what YOUR heart and mind tell you. don't let what anyone else tell you influance you.

The birthfather and I were both unemployed, we weren't married, and I was completely unready to parent. I wanted my son to have things I couldn't give him--the little things, like health insurance. :p I knew that if I parented him, we wouldn't be able to move, we might end up living with my parents, the birthfather would have to put off law school.... I also didn't understand how badly giving birth would make me want to parent. It was the right choice for him, but now I'm hoping to be able to have a child in a couple of years, and I still nest a bit--I want to make sure that I have everything I need, because as stupid as I know this is, I didn't have anything for my son, I couldn't afford it, and that was part of why I placed. I feel like I need to have everything in place for next time so that I can keep my baby. :o

It was circumstance. Nothing more than a high school diploma at the time. I couldn't find a full time job that paid me enough to even rent a studio apartment, let alone, give me enough time off to try to get into college. Even though welfare can be a "nice" thing, it can be very unforgiving. I was having to miss important hours at work in order to make appointments with my CW. It may sound odd, but I couldn't afford to be on it. I wanted my child to be raised in a better way than I was. I refused to let there be the SLIGHTEST possibility of him being placed in foster care. For me, I had to push MY wants and feelings to the side and, as a mother, do what I knew would be best for my child.

i placed my daughter up for adoption because i was only 15 when i had her. i tried to keep her but i was placed in foster care with her and my brothers so i wanted to give her a better home. i had her for almost 6 months and it was a hard decision for me to make but i feel in my heart it was the right one.