Please no flames...took a lot of courage for me to write this

Thank You For That,i Am 39 And Will Be 40 In Dec.i Have Been Looking For My Bparents Since I Had My Son In 1988(20 Yrs) So They Live In The Same State,i Think. As Of 11/24/08 A Search Angel Named (sandy )on Here Contacted Me And Gave Me An Address So I Wrote A Letter And,it Has Been 6 Days And No Contact From Them. I Don't Want To Hurt Them And I Was Taking By The Dhs Cuz They Drank Alot And My Bmom Worked In A Bar (all The Time) Their Rights Were Taken. I Guess What I'm Trying To Say Is...would You Want Your Daughter To Find You If That Happened That Way? My Amom Told Me Not To Ever Hate My Bmom Cuz I Did'nt Know Her Problems Even Though They Lost Me. I Want To Meet Them So Bad...when I Lost My Amom In 2005 To Lung Cancer I Gave Up The Search But She Told Me Before She Passed To Keep It Up And Patch My Hole I Had. You Women Are God Sent When I Set Here And Read This,it Really Makes Me Realize How Lucky I Am. Thank You All, Lisa

Here's a different perspective, because I am in no way religious or prolife, and I chose to put my child up for adoption. My reason was that I was too far along to have an abortion, otherwise I am 100% sure I would have had one, as my mom had no problem forcing me into one years later. With that said, regardless, it's still sad that she wants nothing to do with you. As a bmom, once my son was born, I loved him to death, and I wait for the day where I can find him and contact him. Maybe she just wants to forget making that choice. My mom is a bmom herself, and has told me if her bchild ever contacted her, she'd tell them to go away. She wants to pretend that child doesn't exist, but by the time her boyfriend left her, she was too far along to abort. Maybe it's something like that. Doesn't make it okay, but it's less about you, more about her feelings towards the situation.

my amom & adad adopted my brother and me and it was in my 20's that she set me down and told me i had a half sister in kansas.she searched and found her and it was great,she had,a great life and her aparents were great,but down side....when in 2007 my amom got lung cancer the daughter of hers..only called for money she said that she was broke and if mom was going to leave her anything then just give it to her now.. i loved my amom and still highly respect her. but me and my half sis. had words that day and she has never called again. was i wrong for defending my amom? birth moms and amoms help me.

I completely understand where you are coming from, I have thought about my adoption and why my whole life and i keep coming to the same conclusion. I have no idea...... none. I allways wished that my bmom had given some more info like why honestly thats all i need to know (other than my medical familly history) just why you know the reasons around why i was given up anything more about my bdad other than he was tall and had a tan complection. As an adult adoptee with 2 special needs children of her own its just hard to wrap my head around it all. So there is someone out there that feels like they are in the same boat you are going in circles and not knowing anything. I will hand you an ore and we can help each other paddle :):grouphug:

My Bmom didn't want me..the dhs took me and she skipped court told the caseworker to take me away. So my bdad tried to keep me but he drank too,not a good life for me.well... My AMOM taught me not to hate my Bmom cuz she was a bar fly but you know what...what the hell did I do to deserve that. anywho...my Amom was the best and she fought cancer for 4 yrs and I'm glad that I grew up under her,maybe my Bmom changed her life.......I also have a halfbrother that is 2 yrs older and mentally hanicaped and the dhs won't let me meet him, what the hell.:banana:

What is a flame? It is a very difficult decision to follow through with abortion. I decided against it. I had my baby 5 days ago and I couldn't be happier that she is here. Even though i chose adoption at the time, I am still glad she is here living and breathing on this Earth. Your mother chose to give you life and a chance! I am so happy for that, since pregnancy has changed my views on abortion. I just turned 18 on the first of the month. I am still very young and have a lot to learn, but all I know is not having an abortion is a huge gift already in itself. I also think adoption can possibly be one of the best gifts to give a child, although, I do believe in open adoption vs closed, but that is my decision. Best of luck to you (: Have you ever tried finding/searching for her? for more information on my adoption story: [url=http://www.ashleydsalazar.com]the life of ashley salazar[/url]

Maybe abortion wasnt an option for her, and choosing life for you was. As a Birthparent I dreaded the day my son found me. I was terrified of rejection. Your mother has her reasons for everything. Give her time maybe she will come around. After 30 yrs this could be a huge shock to her.

I think some biomoms,(others too but this is what we are speaking of in this case) have closed their hearts. They make a decision early that they aren't ever going to feel emotions for the child. Maybe they haven't developed an instinct to love a child yet. I know I tried to close my heart but strong mothering instinct made that impossible. I already had a child too so the mother in me was already there.I wish I could have been able to for my own peace of mind to close up. People fear being hurt or getting out of their "comfort zone" in such emotional reunions. There is sometimes a certain degree of selfishness involved in that. They just don't have it to give. Maybe you are lucky not to have her in your life as that could be worse. Selfishness mades for bad parenting among other things. As far as not having an abortion. I don't think you have to be religious to have an appreciation for a life. Abortions weren't readily available in a lot of states or maybe the pregnancy had developed beyond the safe/legal point before she knew it. That happens a lot

I'm guessing Bumbleebee is 30 - so born in 1980, abortion was legal and obtainable Bumblebee, I'm an adoptive Mom. My DD's Birthmother specifically requested no contact because SHE felt it was better for DD. She has other children she is not parenting and is not in contact with them either. DD's birthMom clearly could have aborted her, but wanted her to have life - and even went back to the NICU to hold her between her leaving the hospital, and me getting there. However, we have had NO contact since then. It makes me sad for my daughter, I don't even have a picture of her birthmother. So - where I'm going with this. You can't put your feelings, emotions, onto her. Her feelings are hers. Her's however un-understandable may be that giving you life, and choosing adoption was being the best she could do. Dealing with the emotions of a reunion may be more than she can handle - for WHATEVER reason. I guess - the "surface" story of my DD's birthmother makes it look like she didn't love any of her children, and I just don't believe that. I think she loves/loved her then the best she can, and sometimes that's all we can expect from the people in our lives. The best they can give, even if it isn't what WE need. {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you - I'm terrified it will be my DD writing this letter in coming years. I will tell you though - the world is a better place with my kids in it. And would have been regardless even if I wasn't granted the privilege of parenting them.

FYI....the original poster posted this in october of 2008.

Absolutely, you were right to defend her. She raised you with love, and support, and found this half-sister for you. And the half-sis, was only trying to guilt and shame someone, into taking care of her responsibilities. God bless you, for loving, and standing up for her. And in case no one else has said this to you, for you wonderful support. :thanks:

i gave up my daughter 38 years ago. not because i wanted to, but because of pressure from my parents and the church - i was brought up catholic. i so wish that i had said stuff you all, she belongs with her mum

i just simply think that it is still too emotionally hard for her to deal with the embarrassment and guilt of what she had to do! these emotions are not something that just go away even after 30 years...i placed my child over 11 years ago and although i desire nothing more than to see my little girl...i still feel shame because of what i had to do...and some people can't deal with that...not that i am condoning her behavior! please know that! i hope you find some peace!

I agree with the post from Raylee. As a birthmother, it was hard to place my baby for adoption but we have recently united through a post that I had made here on this forum. There are many reasons that the girls who were in the maternity home with me had for not aborting and not choosing to raise our babies but we were told repeatedly to get on with our lives and not cause pain to the new family. For me, it was part of the contract that I would not search but I made myself available if he wanted to find me. Sometimes as a pregnant girl, you just want to wipe the idea out of your mind that you could have put yourself into such a "disgraceful" position in the first place and the pressure from society can still cause strong emotions. Just because she doesn't want to know you does not mean that she doesn''t care. Good luck and best wishes.

I surrendered my first child for adoption in 1971 not because I wanted to but because in those days without help it was vertually impossible for a young single gir/woman to do otherwise. After finally overcomming the unbearable pain of my daughter's adoption I went on to build a happy life. I was lucky enough to be found by my daughter 33 years later. It was a good thing but understand it was not easy to revisit those unhappy times. Perhaps someday your mother will find the courage to deal with the past. If not don't assume that you were not wanted then or now. I hope this helps.