Today is my childs birthday...

The sooner you tell your son the easier it will be for you. Put up a picture if you have one and talk about it with him. It will then seem normal to him and it will not be a shock when he gets older. My 5 year old always talks about his sister. Sometimes he asks questions and I just answer them honestly. I realize this is not easy. It does not get any easier! I placed over 22 years ago and it still hurts. I think you need to grieve on this day and you need to know that it is ok to do so. This is a great place to find support. I am glad you came back. (((Encasemyheart)))

Sstuart has some good advice. I don't have other children besides my relinquished child, but if I did have them, I would opt for telling them about my son while they were little and could grow up just always knowing about him. If you do have a picture, you can start by putting it out in the open and just answer your son in simple terms when he asks questions. If you don't want to do the picture, you could just bring up his name or talk about him in general conversation. I don't think it has to be (especially at his age) sitting down and having a big talk. With regard to your daughter's birthday, even though it's hard and you are grieving, I would still recommend finding a way to honor her and celebrate her birth. I like to light a candle for my son, or take a moment to wish him a happy birthday and think good thoughts of him, or find some other way to acknowledge him, even though it's from afar. Although there is sadness, I think it can help a little to celebrate our children on their birthdays.

((hugs)) I know what you're going through. Like the others said I would tell your son ASAP, don't need to make a big deal out of it, just talk about it matter of fact. My placed son is almost 15 and my parented children are 8 & 5. I was just reunited with my son in July and it has gone really smoothly with my parented children I think partially because he was always talked about in our household. Good luck!

ENCASEMYHEART, I too agree with the wise posters above me. I also relinquished, not 1 but 2, twin sons,22 yrs ago. It will probably never get easier, because we have grown, as so too has the hole in our hearts. As parents it is part of our duty, to let our children know that they can ALWAYS come to us and know they will have the truth. Your child has the right to know he has a sister, but according to his age and what he is capable of comprhending. I waited until I felt my oldest would know that I would never leave him and that he was safe with me. This worked for me, because when I relinquished I explained that when he got older I would tell him more about his brothers. He excepted that! I always try to picture them every year on their B-day, being happy, healthy and loved by their parents. After all that is the one thing we all have in common...no matter the time in our lives what we were facing, we did this for them! Welcome back, I find comfort coming here...just in knowing there are others that do understand,"why we just can't get over this"! It is a sad "CLUB" TO BELONG TO, BUT NONE-THE-LESS WE ARE HERE! So to you and your darling son, bake a cake and , together wish her a Happy Birthday! :grouphug:

My thoughts are with you. My son had a birthday a couple weeks ago, and I cannot even tell you how that day cuts me to the core. I know your pain. Forget people who think you can get over it and move on. They know nothing about your situation. I don't know about telling your child. The ideas sound good. I have 3 children I am raising - aged 12-3, and they know nothing about my first child. I don't know if I will ever tell them. I wish it wasn't like this, but it was all about secrets for so many years, you can't go back now. Since my firstborn has cut me out, I do not want my children to feel the same loss - they would love him. I can only hope my children don't hate me when they find out, but if they find out now, I think they will hate me parents for their role in all this mess. My parents don't want my kids to know either because they know my kids will hold them accountable. But my situation is trickier than most, I think. Good luck getting through today. Do something for yourself - you deserve it! Let today be all about you and the heck with anyone who says it shouldn't be.

I know what you mean josh1788smom. I dont even have a clue how to go about telling my son.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and words! Its great to back here :)

I didn't tell my children until the oldest was 15. (Remind me again...Our children can't learn from our experiences.) He promptly told his younger sister. I didn't find D for almost 15 more years. I would encourage you to be as matter of fact as possible when you tell your son about her. Make sure that you assure him that you will NOT place him for adoption or leave him. (Some children fear that if you didn't raise your older child, you may send them away. They may not articulate that.) Welcome back by the way. Unfortunately, like the rest, I have to tell you the birthday sorrow never goes away. (In my case, it's also my birthday.) Even though I've been in reunion with D for three years and he's now 36, birthdays are still down days.)