Can anyone identify?

Thanks for the input. I will wait until she is 18 but I do plan on contacting her. I can't control what she does but I can't wait until the day that I can finally tell her I love her and have never forgotten about her.

Dear Bothsides, Hi. My name's Janey. I'm a birthmother here. Welcome! :-) I know exactly how you feel; the emptiness and regret and sorrow. I am currently searching for my daughter and son. I give you a lot of credit in expressing how you feel. It took me over 30 years to finally come to terms with the grief of reliquishing my children for adoption. There is an emptiness there; a hole that never fills. I empathize with what you're going through and wish you peace. And I believe you have every right to see your daughter again. As you said, you were young. It is easy as adults to look back in hindsight and judge our mistakes. I do it myself everyday. But learning to forgive ourselves is half the battle I think in finding peace and going on the journey back to our kids. All good things your way today,

I'm an adoptee but just wanted to add something. My bfather was a teenager too when he was told by his girlfriend she was pregnant. I am now in contact with him and understand what happened, I don't blame him, I don't blame anyone. He has told me he has always cared and loved me. Just be honest with your daughter ( I'm sure you will be)when the time is right for you to contact her, there was a hole inside of me until I found my bdad. My bdad has been very honest with me and that means a lot. Whatever anyone else says, your family, her mom etc, let your daughter know you care.

Winter444 - thanks for your comments. I so hope my daughter wants to know me someday. I do care and can't wait to tell her.Thanks.

Just hang in there, I "found" my daughter via facebook in may (i haven't seen or heard from them since she was 1yr old), and am not in contact with her...her decision (she is also 15). I am in contact with her mother (phone and Facebook). My daughter sees our communication, and everynow and then makes a rude comment on her moms facebook page...but at least I have that.It is a rough road, but from what I hear...worth it.

I have kept track of where my daughter and her family have lived over the years. I also found her on facebook and for a short while was even able to see her profile and downloaded some pictures! I saw her once when she was a couple of months old and not again until the facebook pictures when she was 14. I have not tried to contact her but just recently I sent my daughter's mom a message via facebook just letting her know that I'm sorry for the past and that I would love to be a part of my daughter's life someday if my daughter is interested. She never responded to me. I have decided that I will not contact my daughter until she is 18 and out of high school. I am just so grateful to know what she looks like and she looks happy too. Hopefully I will know her someday. Patiently waiting...

Looks like we are in a similar boat. My 40th b-day was sunday, and my daughter sent me a birthday wish "I hope that this is his last, tell him that". Needless to say, my daughter needs a spanking :)I hate the guessing game. Who knows when she'll want to talk, but I am not interested in carrying on a conversation on how much she wants me dead...she doesn't know me, at all. (she is 15) so this is what I should expect. argh! I hope neither of us have to wait 3 more years, but you know we will wait if we have to.

if it were me....I would fade out for awhile.....she is just trying to be hateful at this point...... let her direct her anger somewhere else....do you really just want to be her whipping post? cut contact for awhile with b-mom...leaving a door open for direct contact with b-daughter in the future when she is ready.....you know if she gets too much into this hate thing with you through her Moms web site... she may end up making you her scape goat for "all" her teenage anger....do you really want that? do you want her to set a presdence for all this on you.....and if she does...will she ever be able to turn it around? will she ever be able to save face...take it back....let her start directing it at others...where it's due, at this age.... like teachers..Boyfriends...the establishment....whatever.... just don't allow yourself to be her hate vent for everything.

Bothsides I know exactly what your going thru.Reading your post I thought it was me.At 19 my Girlfriend told me she was preg and said goodbye I'm going to CA. All along Ive thought my son was in CA with her. Now 28 yrs later she finds me and tells me she put him up for Adoption in my home state. I was adopted also and this killed me,then to find out my son grew up 2 towns from me and was friends with a younger cousin of mine.For 2 yrs now we have been working on a relationship but it is HARD as hell.I had 28 yrs stolen from me by my Ex not giving me the option to take my son.Now it is really hard seeing him and knowing I missed so much. Really now I know why adoption Records were sealed, I beleive they should stay that way.I love my Son but the turmoil that has occured from finding eachother can really hurt. I would just wait if I was you eventually she is going to wonder and want to know or not know, thats a chance you take.I have always wonder'd about my Birth Parents and tried to get info, but after what Ive been thru with this reunion I gave up.I know that i want so much more with my son and probably will never get it ( I hope I Do) so everyday hurts alot.One good thing is that I finally have something on this earth that is part of me and not feeling alone W/O Birth parents or Brothers /Sisters. Good luck to you I hope it works out. Harley PS: sorry for rambling so much

Bothsides I know exactly what your going thru.Reading your post I thought it was me.At 19 my Girlfriend told me she was preg and said goodbye I'm going to CA. All along Ive thought my son was in CA with her. Now 28 yrs later she finds me and tells me she put him up for Adoption in my home state. I was adopted also and this killed me,then to find out my son grew up 2 towns from me and was friends with a younger cousin of mine.For 2 yrs now we have been working on a relationship but it is HARD as hell.I had 28 yrs stolen from me by my Ex not giving me the option to take my son.Now it is really hard seeing him and knowing I missed so much. Really now I know why adoption Records were sealed, I beleive they should stay that way.I love my Son but the turmoil that has occured from finding eachother can really hurt. I would just wait if I was you eventually she is going to wonder and want to know or not know, thats a chance you take.I have always wonder'd about my Birth Parents.I know that i want so much more with my son and probably will never get it ( I hope I Do) so everyday hurts alot.One good thing is that I finally have something on this earth that is part of me and not feeling alone W/O Birth parents or Brothers /Sisters. Good luck to you I hope it works out. Harley PS: sorry for rambling so much

Dear Harley93, Just wanted to say that I am so sorry for what transpired with your son's bmom. I can't begin to imagine how shocking and heartbreaking it must've been to discover what had happened. Sending hopes that you and your son can find peace through it all and have a good relationship. Sincerely,

Dear Harley93, Just wanted to say that I am so sorry for what transpired with your son's bmom. I can't begin to imagine how shocking and heartbreaking it must've been to discover what had happened. Sending hopes that you and your son can find peace through it all and have a good relationship. Sincerely,

I'm a birthmother and I'm adopted. I found out I was adopted (the same way your daughter was) when I was 17 out of the anger of my mom (they divorced and she has had past with drug history etc) So long story short, I got pregnant that year with my boyfriend. My dad didn't even give me a chance to try to work it out with my boyfriend. My boyfriend wanted to smoke pot and play in the band with his friends, but he did listen and understand my point of view. I left NC and went to UT and stayed with a foster family while finishing high school, etc. Well fast forward two years (so presently 2009) I'm currently 19 and married. I have a son who is 9months and I placed my daughter that I was pregnant with to the foster family. She just turned 2. My ex calls and sees how she's doing, he doesn't have a big open relationship wth the adoptive couple like I do. As far as I go, I tried to get into contact with my birthfather last year. I found out he's really messed up. He's a drug addict who offered to sell my husband herion (my husband goes to a support group and has been clean for 4 years) and so I told him until he can find a better way to bond with me, not to contact me at all. I know it hurt his feelings. He eventually smoked up and got high enough to land himself in jail for a while, he isn't taking his bi-polar meds so he's just not all the way here right now. I know it must be hard for him to be rejected by his daughter, but he has to see my side too. Your story made me think what it would be like for my daughter's father...thoughts that go through his head, and I worry if she is going to be recptive into hearing about the future...if when she's old enough she wants contact with her birthfather and he's a good person, I think it would be good. I hope this helps in for you to be aware that we may have different lifestyles, but theyr'e similar....and that you're not alone :)

hello, I am both a birthparent and an adoptive parent, my childs dad left me when I was 4 month pregnant, I gave our son up and now have a beautiful little girl who has a daddy that never knew she existed until a month ago. Please contact her when you're able to do so... She needs to know where she comes from. My adaughter will never know her bmom and I am never going to stop her from seeing bdad.

I am an adoptee. Last year I started to search for my b-father. I believe I have and he wants nothing to do with me. Won't even take a DNA test to prove I am his daughter or not. It's a messed up story, but who said everything had to be easy. It's been a year now and he hasn't contacted me once. I don't know what else to do. I am of age.(32) Last week somehow I came across a memorial service of his father. He was in it and spoke. His brother did too. Should I contact his brother since he doesn't want anything to do with me? He wants me to believe what I believe and move on. How can I? I have children and I don't want them to ask me questions I can't answer. I hope everything works for you. I know 18 seems like a good time; but personally I would wait until 21. I thought I was ready to search for my b-mother at 18. (Even though my a-mother wouldn't give me my papers; until I became pregnant at 22.) There is a lot of emotions involved when us girls are teens. I don't know when's a good time to contact someone living life. I married at 19/2 weeks before 20. I so wished I knew my birth family then. I hope her a-family has been open with her and supports her decision. Good luck and Happy belated Father's Day.:loveyou: