Christmas already bringing me down...

Quantum, I get in funks when I'm traveling constantly. For me, I think its the exhaustion of long days, different beds, too much food, etc. Two things have helped me through, 1) I do something small for myself each day - I go for a solo walk, hit the gym, get a pedi, watch a guilty pleasure on tv... 2) I try to find a random act of kindness to perform each day - I help a stranger carry something, buy a cup of coffee for a street person, pick up the lunch tab for a stranger (without them knowing "who"), etc... This helps me feel better about me. Holidays can be very tough. I journal. I'm also trying to find things to help me grow as a person. I realized recently that I used to be an interesting person; now I'm a person with an interesting job. I'm trying to grow me now. So, I try to learn one active thing and one mental thing. Currently I'm trying to learn Spanish with Rosetta Stone (it would be so much easier if I understood what I'm saying, lol and I'm learning to kite board. The kite boarding is hard because it takes a full day to hit Hood River and take a lesson, but in between I practice flying my kites. Not sure if this helps, but it has worked some for me!

I don't know about getting out of it. I am just trying not to fall into it.

I focus on everyone around me and remember that there are people in situations much crappier than mine. I have food, I have a house, I have family, I have a job. My son is happy that is what I wanted, I'm done allowing myself to be super depressed on every holiday because that is what is expected because he isn't with me. I have every right to be happy too and I will darn it.

Egads, the Holidays! What I like to refer to as the "Hellidays." My mom and I, as well as one of my good friends, talked last year about how we'd like to just take a month's vacation between Thanksgiving and New Years (preferably somewhere where the holidays are not celebrated!) and just have a normal, quiet time. Some things I like, such as having a tree and seeing certain people. Others, I really don't need to see! We don't have a huge family, so that is good, but I am introverted and need my downtime, so too much activity and I don't handle it well. Some holidays I've opted out of completely, coming down with a *cough* flu *cough* or else my husband and I have gone away for long weekends that fall over the holidays. We've also done things like just stay home, the two of us, and have a nice dinner, maybe take a walk in the park, etc. I would hate to have to overschedule myself or be obligated to do things year after year that I'd rather not do. What's hardest for me is I've had a lot of losses around the holidays and I can get to feeling very sad about this. Paige, can you let me know how you like Rosetta Stone? I was considering learning German through their programs, but wasn't sure if it would be worth it.

I think that's what's getting to me already this year. I grew up moving around a lot so it was just my family unit of 4 that celebrated. It was quiet and fun. Decorating the tree, baking cookies. Christmas was opening presents and then playing with them all afternoon. My first husband was Jewish, I didn't like making him feel uncomfortable so I gave up celebrating the holiday almost entirely. We'd have a tiny tree and maybe exchange a couple of gifts, we were never home with my family. When I was with my second husband we were broke broke broke. I also was waiting for my visa in England much of the time we were together and wasn't allowed to leave the country. Now here, my current husband's mom is BIG into her BIG family. So there are just so many of these HUGE get-togethers. I'm guessing I'll have a migraine by the time the third party comes around. I can't really avoid the first two as they are DH's birthday (guess I'm a little annoyed that he knows how these big things affect me, but still is insisting on having a HUGE party, he's turning 39 for goodness sake!). And of course, Christmas day, hard to avoid when you have little ones. I guess I'm going to try to focus on them, hopefully it will help!

Quantum, can you take some breaks in between to get some downtime in? Or else work out some compromise where you can do some of the big party stuff for a shorter duration, and then have some quiet time with just your family? It might be more manageable if you didn't feel stuck doing so much at once.

I'm going to try that. Thanks :-)

(((( Quantum )))) Lots of good advice from people! I think having a nice tree with some decorations that mean something to you would be a good thing. Of all the things at Christmas, I love the tree the most. I have to say I'm not a fan of Christmas. I used to be and I still enjoy cooking for my family but there's a great deal of misery around Christmas, especially with so many people in such desparate straights. Interestingly though, we in the Motor City are starting to think of Christmas differently. I think we've been on the edge so long that we're starting to change the way we think about family and what it means to share. So maybe that's a good thing. That said though I still prefer St. Patty's Day and the 4th! Lots of just plain fun, wearing stupid hats and watching fireworks and sitting around being no one in particular! That's the ticket!!! :-) I've been thinking about you a lot lately though and wondering if perhaps you're missing the States. Could that maybe be part of it? I'm an immigrant and I remember when mom took us back to UK for a year, I had a real hard time with that. I had one hell of a case of culture shock. The worst part was Easter and Halloween. I don't know about now of course but those Holidays were different over in UK then. Easter was very disappointing - though mom bought us some baskets and filled them with candy so that we'd have an American Easter. Halloween? It was downright dismal. I hated it! Anyway, the U.S. does up holidays in a wonderful way I think. Over the top at times, it's true but there is a spirit there; a zest. Being in other countries at Holiday times can be really hard. Just a thought. Not sure if it fits or not but figured I'd throw it out there for ya! But listen kiddo....you got robbed of a Christmas tree in your first marraige and maybe your second too? Get a tree and do it up Quantum style! I bet it would be a fabulous thing!!! Hugs to ya kiddo! And remember....if ya want, you got a place to stay in Motown while you're in the States! I mean, could it get any more exciting! LOL!!!

Thanks Janey, I am starting to wonder if 2 years is too long between visits to the USA. Unfortunately finances and time make it harder to make them closer. I don't want to move back though, I don't fit in in the USA anymore. I must laugh when people here talk about holidays here being over the top! They just have no idea. My DH is so boring. He usually wants the tree to be covered with red balls. Well, I'm letting him have his stinking birthday party, I can have an outrageous tree! Thanks for the motown offer. I think I've said before I've only ever been in the airport ( a weird thing flying Las Vegas to Buffalo where I ended up doing what I call my tour of midwest airports, I think I changed planes 4 times?). Just don't think it will happen this visit unfortunately :-( Pittsburgh is a definate maybe though... Thanks for all the support you guys!

Quantum, if you can't have a tree at your place, I'm doing mine up BIG time. First Christmas alone, so I'm going to OVERcompensate by doing things up the way I never had before. I'll send you pics but, in all fairness to your hubby, more is less! lol Kate P.S. Janey - my raised Kids (truly hate that term) balked 3 years ago when I said, no gifts. I bought a goat/cow for a village in Africa. They get it now. Christmas is about giving but not Xboxes, etc. (no judgment here) but our family has so much - not like hubby and I when we were younger (God love my parents, I never knew I was "underpriviledged"). Both my "raised" kids (still hate the term) are going overseas soon to earn their degrees and have always helped others. More so than what I ever did but I have pounded into their brain - put others first and you will reap the rewards. At the same time, I've always had just the 4 of us for Christmas, so very selfish - extended family had to wait. Quantum, I do hope you're going to Florida in February - I may have a layover that I can get about 2 days to meet everyone. If you can find your way to Montreal area, you are more than welcome to join our holiday (boring). love Kate