Just found out...

[url=http://www.latediscovery.org/blog/]Are You Adopted? Are You Sure?[/url] [url=http://www.latediscovery.org/]Late Discovery - Home[/url] Ron is a good man.. and I know he can connect you with others that are going through what you are going through.. I am so sorry this happened to you.. Jackie

sks217, My heartfelt EMPATHY for you and all of your family at this time. I too received confrimation this past June, and am 43, and also have the Canadian BC with no parents names on it. You have receieved some sound advice already. Certainly you are welcome here, and I have found this site a warm comfort with great insight since June. I have been dealing with this issue for more than five years, and my "parents" still will not tell me the truth sadly enough. They are both still living however many miles away. The anger is intense, overwhelming, and completely unbearable at times. There are no words adequate enough to describe what goes on inside us at this point. It does subside over time, but go through it. Try not to worry about what others will say, and seek support from those who have been through it, and or professionals with much experience. While our family and friends sure do mean well, please realize it is little comfort and at times I have been completely inconsolable. I try to keep those moments between myself and the Lord, however, there are times when the pain and grief simply from the betrayal are too much. Know you will get THROUGH it, not over it, but through it! We are here for you, even though complete strangers, we are at heart very much connected. Please pm me anytime you would like. I have tried the above suggested link to Ron Morgan although I did not get anywhere. The site seems to be as of a couple of years ago. There are some great personal experience stories on there though, no two the same....but the mind set and the emotions, just the same, we all just word them a bit different at times. I started praying for you yesterday when I read this, I have thought on it before posting. Not so much good with advice, just would like you to know I am here, and share a similar story. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Lots of warm regards, :grouphug: Marilyn

Thanks to all who have responded to my post. It is always comforting to get insight from others who have gone through this. I decided to talk to my husband last night, and although there were a few tense moments in the beginning, we both calmed down enough to have a conversation about it. It helped me to get some of my feelings out, let out some steam and some tears. He cannot know how I feel, and he acknowledges this, but I think he is slowly realizing how complex and life-changing this is for me. I also met with my doctor today, and he encouraged me to talk with my dad asap, because if something were to happen to him, I would never get all the answers I need. He is totally right, but it sure is going to be hard to get those first words out. My dad has a history of running when the conversation gets serious, so I hope he will give me the answers I need. I am feeling a little better, although the stress has been manifesting itself physically - my chest is tight, my stomach hurts, I am exhausted. I hope that will resolve soon, because I have 2 little boys to take care of! Again thank you to all who have responded, and thanks for the links. I'll take all the prayers I can get!

Amom here, and I can't say I have a clue as to why your parents chose to do what they did (other than, I hope, they did so with the best of intentions) In regards to this part however, I can tell you that yes in fact the "short form" Canadian birth certificate (it fits in your wallet) does NOT list parents. I have given birth twice here, and neither short form certificate have my name listed, and my own birth certificate from the 70's is exactly the same. If you wish to order your birth certificate (long form) you can. The fee is I believe $75 and very easy to process. Also, depending on what province you were born in (and adopted from) your adoption records might also be available easily and cheaply. Many Canadian provinces now have mandatory open records. Best of luck processing this all. And I am so sorry your parents kept this information from you.

Yes I have discovered that there are 2 types of Canadian birth certificates. I would like to get a copy of the long form, but when I went on the site, it asked for the names of my parents. I do not have the names... the only name I do have is the name given to me when I was born, so there is a last name there, and I am not sure if it my mothers or my fathers last name. I was born in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, ans I haven't found info yet on whether is is an open-record province. Does anyone have a link to a website that may be able to direct me to that information. I am very thankful I found this community...thanks to all for your support and suggestions.

No the names on your birth certificate would be your adoptive parents ... when you are adopted, your birth certificate is changed. AFTER you have your birth certificate you can apply for your adoption records.

WOW...finding out at 42 is awful for you. I was 16 and discovered by accident. It was one of the most earth shattering days in my life. I so feel your anger and frustration. Boy do I ever. I have to say, though, that I've learned over the years (am 43 now) that we can't be angry with the parents who withheld the information. They had reasons, ie..religion, ethnicity, fear fear fear, insecurity. It isn't right...not by any stretch of the imagination but it is a reality that we adoptees have to face. They didn't tell us to protect us from one thing or another. It was done because they loved/love us not because of some conspiracy to leave us in the dark. If you are able to get past the anger and see the whole picture from afar...give yourself the time to do that and to put your parents lives in perspective. If they are gone now, then perhaps you can find a way to forgive them. That will unload a terrible burden from your shoulders. Thoughts are with you...good luck on the next stage of this amazingly scary and new process.

I can sorta feel your pain and feeling of betrayal. I was 16 years old when I found out I was adopted. I was visiting what I thought was my aunts house, but after snooping through my cousin's (so I thought) diary, I found out that she was actually my sister and had known the whole time. When I found this out, my puzzle started to fall into place. When I was adopted, my adopting parents were told that they could not have children due to female problems w/ my MOTHER. Four months after I was adopted, my MOTHER found out she was pregnant. My MOTHER had three children of her own, all girls, yeah. I went from being an only child to a discarded child quickly. All of my dreams and aspirations when I was a child was met with great resistance from my MOTHER. My sister's, on the other hand, had to mutter a slight interest in something and the whole kit and kaboodle of tools or materials for such wants would be granted immedietly. I know this sounds like a prelude to a "pity party", but the happenings are facts. When it was thought that my adopted parents could not have children of their own, I was a perfect option for them to have a family. But when the tides changed, I feel as if I were washed out to sea with the following cycle. I have great respect for my adopted parents. They did take very good care of me, physically. When it came to the mental stability a child needs to be socially and individually functional, I had no shoulder to lean on or someone to dry my tears. I was always told that I was a martyr and that I would not amount to much more than a ditch-digger. My sisters were never put down or disregarded as I. They were my MOTHER's blood. Now on to my biological MOM. She's a real piece of work too. I have contact w/her, but she is always trying to make me feel guilty. Why should I. I am 38 years old and have had my share of partners, but I remember all of their names. You do not lie down with someone for bedroom relations unless you have some sort of connection, and not just the same feeling of wanting some and never seeing each other again. I am bothered most by my MOM because she can not remember the guy's name. How stuck am I? Luckily I have contact with a lady that grew up and hung out with my MOM during the late 60's-early 70's. She just so happened to know the guy's name, but she is not sure how to spell it. Just another rung on this endless ladder. My whole problem w/the lack of knowledge as to who my biological father is one for medical reasons. I would like to know my origins also. I have no want to mentally connect w/the man because I already have a dad that I wouldn't trade for the world. He wasn't there for me much as a child, but has not been ashamed to admit his wrong-doings. I have great admiration for anyone who can admit their faults and actively try to change them. As I was saying, I have known I was adopted now for 22 years, and I still have a hard time w/it. Maybe one day the fact will not bother me anymore, but until then I just hope I can keep it together.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with such a shock, that you feel so totally upended. I cannot imagine what that feels like. I can however relate to the sick painful tight feelings you have in your gut. I call them my deep gutteral ache. As a firstmom, I wish fro nothing more than to find my twin sons...just to know they are alive safe and healthy. I relinquished my twins 22 yrs ago, and my life has NEVER been complete since. I have a STRONG belief, that as parents " WE" have a responsibilty to our children, to always be open and hones...ESPECIALLY when specifically asked to do so....I of course do not know the WHYS of your parents, for each of us have our reasons, there are just NO good reasons to lie to your child...even if WE are told to do so! As adults our instincts and values TELL us differently. You have done the right thing by being HONEST to your husband...lies BREED mor lies. I feel you MUST approach your Dad, (of course lovingly) and have a heart to heart. Tell him how much you love him and how he and your mom were and are GREAT parents, but you must NOW know the truth, who knows since your mom passed on, he may feel now is a good time to tell you...he may have just GONE ALONG with her out of respect for her desire to be a mom! I pray my twins' parents have always abided by the honest and morral code of being truthful. I hope you get all you seek, for no matter the outcome, we ALL have a RIGHT to know WHO we are...GOOD or BAD...plain and simple. Please keep us posted, we are all in this triad world together, like it or not, we will listen! :grouphug:

JUST A QUICK FOLLOW UP. I NEEDED TO TELL YOU WHAT A CONSTANT SAYING MY FATHER HAD...ALL WHILE I GREW UP. He used to tell us from the time I can remember on, "I am your Dad, As your Parent, I owe it to you to always be honest with you kids(all 10 of us), A child MAY never have ANY body in their lives they can trust, but you will always have me to come to and tell you the truth." This is the reason he told us every year right from the get go, that there was no such thing as SANTA CLAUS...This may seem cruel to some, but he felt we should not be lied to by the only ones we could always trust, especially over a ficticious character, on such an important holiday, the birth of our SAVIOR. Sorry for my rant, just an idea of how important it is to have trust....:coffee:

Thanks to all who have posted with their stories & support. It has been a few weeks now and I guess I have started to settle in with this new information. I talked to my father. He didnt have much (good) to say. His first comment was "Oh I thought we had told you about that" but the immediate look on his face told a different story. That was such a BS comment as far as I was concerned. Yet another cop out, and trying to pin it on my mom who is not here to explain anything. There was no apology, no empathy, no nothing, just me talking & him making excuses. No looking me in the eye, no hug, and in the end, no closer to understanding anything than before I told him. At one point he told said to me "well at least you weren't aborted". That comment stunned me. Now I am sure this makes my dad look like the meanest and most unfeeling man alive, but I've never felt that way about him -- I always felt as if he loved me, but now I am not so sure he really knows what real love is. I am beginning to understand why I am the way I am, and possibly why I have so many problems with my relationships. So if anything good has come of this, it is a deeper undertanding of my own issues. I have also applied to receive all the info that exists regarding my adoption, except for the names of my birth parents of course. The post-adoption services in Canada will try to contact my parents to see if there is interest in connecting, and if so they will mediate the entire process. So maybe getting more info will make all this more real to me. It still feels very surreal...and I am still unsure how and what to think. Sometimes my lack of emotion about all this surprises me, but then I think about my dad's response and it makes sense. I just hope it doesnt all come crashing down on me one day...

:grouphug: SLS217, I am happy you talked to your father. I will always be a fan of truth, lies breed more lies. I know you still do, and always will LOVE your Dad. You must remember he comes of a different time. He does love you and you know deep inside this will never change...he IS the man whom raised, cared, and loved you. I think you will do just fine, have lots of patience, and continue your search. Letting your Dad know this is not going away, and even though you love him, YOU will find the truth, you would just much rather it came from him...the man you admire, and love as afather. Regardless you will know, just be prepared for ALL aspects of this journey. If I could have had a.com when I relinquished in 1986...or even an unbiased counselor, I would have never relinquished. So now as you are, I am searching, and will not stop until i know they are happy safe and healthy. I pray each day they (my twin sons) know about me, and will indeed wish to learn of their heritage. It is truly mind-boggling what 1 act of LOVE can and will do to so many people, when all we ever wanted was to be able to love! Please keep us posted, even if you just need to come vent...we are here..Blessings !

Wow - I can't imagine finding out so late in life. Just remember that in the 60s, birth moms were often labelled as whores and uncaring, while the adoptive parents were usually schooled in the mentality that they were saving the adopted child. In reality, it's not the case much of the time, however. I'm in Saskatchewan too! [url=http://www.socialservices.gov.sk.ca/adoption/post]Post-Adoption - Social Services[/url] You can request your adoption order which will have your birth name which can help with a search. And, they may have some family traits and health info on record. They say that the wait time for an active search is two years, but I spoke to someone in the office and they told me that these days the wait is closer to 4 years . Also, given your son's illness, you may even qualify for a medical info request which could be processed more quickly. Good luck!

SLS, HUGE hugs!!!! I'm sorry your dad was so cold and said the worst things possible. I'm sure you caught him completely off guard and inside he was freaking out. My son is 5 and has autism. If you need another ASD mom to chat with about it or being an adoptee, please PM me any time. (((((((MORE HUGS))))))))

It takes a while to come to terms with the shock of finding out that you were adopted and that, even as an adult, your parents continued to keep a secret. It starts out throwing you upside down, then the shock waves continue. I remember wondering what else I didn't know. Was my birthday really the date I'd always celebrated? Were there other secrets? (Yes, actually) Did everyone know and was everyone in on the secret? What was really true? Several times I'd been confronted by strangers who had mistaken me for someone else so, did I have a twin? Was anyone 'looking' for me? Of all of the family tales I'd heard over the years, what was real and what was made up? I asked my Mom twice for family history information for medical reasons and both times she gave me her history and Dad's. I understand that it would have been hard to tell me the truth by the time I was 43 but I was dealing with an illness and the specialist was truly puzzled trying to make a diagnosis because there was no history of that illness in my family! I'm sorry your talk with your Dad turned out the way it did. Remember that 42 years ago in most circles there was a stigma to being illegitimate and adoptive parents were advised not to tell their children about the adoption for the child's sake. It's that generation - they hold their secrets very close. I had one remaining aunt when I found out and asked her daughter to "probe" for me. My aunt's comment: "it's best not to talk about those things". Good luck with your search and with the outcome. Pressing for information for medical reasons (your son? concerns about the health problems that might be faced by any other child you have?) will fast-track your search.