Is it the best route?

Originally Posted By JudyIn my opinion it is better for the child to at least have some openness. Letters or contact are a good way to help answer some of the questions that they will probably have. This may also help to prevent feeling of rejection.

Originally Posted By Amyyou can talk with your adoption worker or attorney to specify the level of openness you want. Our first adoption the birthfamily can drop things at the agancy and they will pass it along, however the second adoption went wonderfully and their family actually come to our home and we spend holidays together....Every story is different, but I feel that the child wil eventually WANT to know something, so why waste time searching in the years to come if there can be even a little openess..like say for instance the last name and state at least of where they live, siblings things like that.

Originally Posted By BonnieI agree. When we first met our bmom before our son was born, we discussed openness with her. We made sure that all of us were comfortable with the choice. We have a semi-open adoption. We send letters and photos through the agency. We even sent our bmom a video from our son's birthday party. We only wish she would write to him. He is only 2, but we would love to have letter and photos for him as he grows. Perhaps she is not yet ready for that.We keep copies of everything we sent her so he can one day read the letters. We do know last names and where each other lives for future contact.

Originally Posted By mcraejlthe only suggestion I have in open is to be present with your child when the birthparents are there. My parents didn't know some of the things that my bparents said to me. Now that we are doing an adoption we are going to do a semi open because I do want them to have some contact with her

Originally Posted By KathIf you are an open person, I can recommend open adoption. The birther (our term) for my daughter is my best friend. We see her often, my daughter will always know her. She doesn't interfere but I tell her cute things, give her pictures, talk over everything just like before the baby was born. When we encounter negativity in others, we have both make it our mission to inform them of the way it CAN work. My feeling is that a child cannot have too much love, in every variety.

Originally Posted By dawnthank you for being such a loving, caring,giving person. your child is so extremely lucky and blessed. i am a birthmother of a 21 year old girl, and our adoption was closed. i only wish i had done it the way you are.i am so hungry for an update and a picture or something , but her a parents dont think we should meet. i wish you only the best in the future. thank you for being so open and honest and for being so thoughtful. what a special person you are !!!!!

Originally Posted By MarissaBeverly: Hi...I am a Birth mother of an open adoption please visit my Homepage and email me any questions you have about open adoption. IT's great..not because I get access....but because I feel free. Not excluded...because of that reason, there is less risk with open adoption. I'll talk with you all about it if you would like to Email me. :)MBcontact@cs.com

Open is best. If I were to pick one word about open to satisfy both sides of the heart of adoption...I would pick less risk, and fairness for everyone. Birth Mothers aren't greety..obviously, so neither should an adoptive parent about opening up to the birthmother and child. Iv been though this...I am a birth mother of an open adoption. I feel Free....not because I get access....because I would rather not...but I know where I stand....and I know that I stand in a fair spot between me and my child. Just knowing...is enough for me. please visit my web site and email me if you have any questions. MBcontact@cs.com and website is

Originally Posted By ginaThank you for being a GREAT MOM! You are obviously a good listener. You have the right heart for adoption. Alot of adoptive parents have their list of how its going to be. Basicly whats best for them. I read all these boards. I am amazed at the uncompassionate hearts. How could you not love this woman who has changed your fate? I have been involved with a family with 3 small children that will soon be adopted. I know how they feel. I pray that they will finds parents that listen to their little hearts. A birthmother is not a threat! She is a Blessing!

Originally Posted By kellyMy husband and I adopted 2 children through the Foster care system and developed a relationship with the bio grandmother during the process of adoption. We agreed verbally with her at the time of adoption to continue with the relationship. I did not make clear enough boundaries and because of that ended the relationship. The ending caused a lot of bad feelings from the Grandmother. I may have overreacted to some of the situations that caused me to end the relationship. I now have mixed feelings on the issue. I realize that because of some of the disabilities that my adopted children have they will need a large support system as adults. Having the bio family involved can provide this, however it can make it a challenge. It also may be hard for you as a mother to be comfortable with the love and loyalty your adopted child may have to the bio family. I feel there are positives on both sides. My husband and I are considering now that we have had a few years to develop a relationship with our new children that we may reopen the contact.

I'm an adoptee. I have open adoption. I like it. I'm glad I can contact my birth family. I adore them. I love my 4 younger siblings. It can be hard for me beacuse I feel unloved because I know my birth mother gave me up, but I'm still glad I know. I recomend it.

Hello - What a great question! With either open or closed adoption, you are taking on risks. With closed, you are risking leaving your child with heaps of unanswered questions. The statistics show that children do better in an open adoption, than a closed. I have a very open adoption with visitation. My daughter's parents are actually more open than I am! Seeing my daughter I am able to see how the choice I made benefited her greatly. I know firsthand that she is loved, and well cared for. As a bonus, her and my son will have a special relationship. And as someone mentioned earlier - just knowing that I can see my daughter ...brings me peace. It actually lessens my need to see her. Now, in saying that ...I don't mean have an open adoption so the bMom will leave you alone! lol - In the beginning, when my wounds were still so new, I saw my daughter twice a month - with her aParent's blessing. Now, I see her every two months ....and also on holidays and family days and birthdays. I have a son that I am raising, so he keeps me rather busy. Her aParents are her parents. They have my complete blessing to be her Mom and Dad. I do not long to be her parent. If I had wanted to, I wouldn't have placed her for adoption. What I mean is ...open adoption is not co-parenting. It is co-love. A birthmother relinquishes her right to parent her child - not her right to love him or her. My daughter will always know who I am. She won't need to dream me up, or wonder who I am - she will know. Her aParents have embraced me ...because they know I am a part of Emily. To love a child is to love all of a child. A birthmother is part of a child. I said to Beth (Em's aMom) once: "When you love someone sometimes you have to let go so someone else can hold on." And she replied: "I am glad you let go so that I could hold on ...but I am not holding on so tightly that there is no room for you"