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Originally Posted By LoriI am an adoptive mom to a five month old baby girl. All is going well with her birthmom. We talk occasionally on the phone, I send photos and we have had two meetings. She has a 5yo daughter and it is important to all of us that these two girls create and maintain a sibling relationship over time. WE are fine. It's everyone else that's the problem. People think we are crazy for "letting" the BM see the baby. My own mother is the worst! I think she is afraid she will snatch her and run. And it's so hard to explain it to people. Any thoughts?
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Originally Posted By ChristiI'm not sure if my story will help. We had worked with our daughter's bmom. My husband still works with her, they just work for the same ambulance company only in different cities. After the adoption was final, he saw her several times. She never mentioned it. It seemed to be easier for her for us not to mention it. She is a beautiful, sweet person. But my feelings on adoption are a little different, I guess. I have felt my whole life that if someone could not physically have children, Heavenly Father would send her children another way. I totally believe that Michaela is the exact same child that we would have had if I could have become pregnant. I also feel that the bmom felt this way, as well. We found out that she was pregnant a few hours after Michaela's birth. When we saw her in the hospital her words were, "It just hit me that you were supposed to be her parents. I was going to call you today, but I went into labor earlier than expected." I truly feel that Heavenly Father sent Michaela to us through her. I don't feel that he ever intended on her being Michaela's mom. The bmom doesn't look anything like us, but Michaela does. She has since day one. We have a niece that is 1 yr. and 1 day older than Michaela. It is impossible to tell their pictures apart, except for the clothes. My mom saw a picture of our niece one time and asked when we had these new pictures done of Michaela and where was her pictures. She was very shocked to learn that it was our niece. Michaela also looks a lot like my older brother's baby pictures. She looks nothing like her bmom. The bmom will always have a special place in my heart and I will make sure that Michaela knows what a special person she is. Heavenly Father has to send these children through people that are special enough to see that they get to where they belong. Every situation may not be this way. This is just how I see it. You just have to do what is right for you and your family. Not what someone else feels is right for you. There are people in my family that "can't understand how she could give up such a beautiful baby." It wasn't easy for her. Maybe Heavenly Father needed to send her our baby for some reason. I don't know. Maybe it changed her life for the better, maybe it just helped her grow up or grow as a person. I know in my heart that Michaela is our child and not just on paper either. You just pray and do what you feel that God would have you do. Good luck.
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Originally Posted By binaWe adopted our son six weeks ago and I know what you mean about other people. My own mom actually got a little jealous of our bm's mother, who we know and like very much. I sat down and told her why we were comitted to open adoption and what we were doing and asked her to either fully support us and participate from the heart, or to tell us she couldn't do that and we would make sure she was not involved. Nothing in between. I gave her several books on the topic and she is "thinking it over." I feel better and am certain that over time she will chill out.best of luck. don't let anyone diminish your experience!
Originally Posted By bm JamieI have also been confronted by people asking me " Don't you want to take him back ?" It seems to me that it's the first thing that pops in their mind when they look at adoption from outside of the triad. They just don't understand & have seen so many negative stories about this from the media.
Originally Posted By bm JamieMaybe if you find an interesting article about open adoption you can zerox it to share with these people. I have done this to share with my friends.It helps them understand everything & it's in black & white. That way I don't have to sound like a broken record ,they can read it for themselves & learn the truth about open adoption.
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Originally Posted By ChristiI thought of an incident that happened shortly after we got our daughter. My husband's great aunt, before she retired 20 something years ago, was a social worker. She told us that had we called her before we agreed to take the baby, that she would have told us not to do it because we knew the mother. I think now when I look into my daughter's beautiful blue eyes and hear her say "I sove ooo, Mommy" what a wonderful experience that I would have been giving up.
Originally Posted By amomLori, Stop trying to explain it. No one will ever understand, except for another who has been down your road. STAND YOUR GROUND AND DO WHAT YOU KNOW AND FEEL IS RIGHT! My oldest is four and we have a very open relationship with his first mom(birthmom just doesn't feel right to me). My mother is still so upset over the openness of the relationship. I just keep chugging away. I am doing what I feel is best and have a wonderful best friend who loves my child as much as I do. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with family. Congrats on your baby!!!!
Originally Posted By Tina- birthmomI am a mom and I think you are doing the right thing by letting the girls stay in touch as well as the mom. She gave birth to that baby and to just not let her see the child is awful. I don't get to see my boys and it hurts like hell. Keepin kids from their parents is the worst thing anyone can do. I don't know why we can't see each other but I thik if Kyle saw me he'd be mad at me for not taking him home with me. We have/ had a strong bond and if we saw each other I couldn't say no to him. But I would have to. He knows who mom and dad is because he got taken when he was 3and 1/2 his brother was only4 mths. So little Ryan wouldn't know who I was if he saw me. So you do what you think is right in your heart. You re her mom now her real mom needs to understad that. No one can take her from you.
Originally Posted By DeeDeeWe have 3 very open adoptions. People who have not experined a loving open adoption just don't understand the openness. As long as you & the birthfamily are comfortable, don't let others upset you over this. You have made a loving choice for your family, and you will all only grown from this experince.
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Originally Posted By AshleyWell, now I feel like I'm not the only one who has gotten so much weird feedback from other people about our open adoption. I am an amom with a 6-week old son, and his birthmother and I are very close. She also has a 2-1/2 year old son, so I feel that it is very important that the 2 brothers stay in contact. We have met at a museum, and this weekend are meeting at our home for dinner. I love having contact with her, and she says that it helps her immensely. It is just other people who act shocked that we could be so "brave" to trust her--what do people think bmoms are? She is a wonderful person, and I love her for everything she has done for me and my son. I think that other people will not always understand, but it is important to just do what "feels right" to you.