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Our beautiful son was born five weeks ago. Prior to that, we had the chance to spend a lot of time with his birthmom, which we loved. She initially felt that she wanted virtually no contact after the baby was born, but after discussing it further, she embraced the idea of a more open relationship. Since the baby left the hospital, we haven't heard much from his bmom -- just a phone call or two. I email and call, but don't hear back.
So my question is, how should I handle this? I completely understand that it has been a VERY short time since the baby was born, and that she is likely going through really a lot. I don't want to put any demands on her, but at the same time, I want her to know that we care about her and that we want her to be part of her son's life. So should I continue to send regular emails? What about pictures? I don't want to make this harder for her or make her feel like she is obligated to chat with us, but I don't want her to feel abandoned, either. Plus, we miss her.
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I think you should definitely send lots of newsy e-mails about the baby, about how the baby and you the parents are doing together and DEFINITELY send pictures. I know that hearing how much my son was eating, how he was sleeping, and seeing pictures of him was hard but also very comforting to me. I knew that he was okay, he was taking baby steps forward to getting bigger and I in turn tried to do the same for myself, taking baby steps to re-establish a better life for myself and doing things that my son would be proud of me for.
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Continue sending. She is likely having a difficult time processing the loss, especially as the holidays roll around. If you suddenly drop off the face of the Earth, she will have to deal with fear on top of the emotional process that she is currently going through with regard to relinquishment.
I was very quiet for the first month or two.
Now look at me. ;)
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Amaurosis
Our beautiful son was born five weeks ago. Prior to that, we had the chance to spend a lot of time with his birthmom, which we loved. She initially felt that she wanted virtually no contact after the baby was born, but after discussing it further, she embraced the idea of a more open relationship. Since the baby left the hospital, we haven't heard much from his bmom -- just a phone call or two. I email and call, but don't hear back.
So my question is, how should I handle this? I completely understand that it has been a VERY short time since the baby was born, and that she is likely going through really a lot. I don't want to put any demands on her, but at the same time, I want her to know that we care about her and that we want her to be part of her son's life. So should I continue to send regular emails? What about pictures? I don't want to make this harder for her or make her feel like she is obligated to chat with us, but I don't want her to feel abandoned, either. Plus, we miss her.
I understand where you are coming from. We've felt many of these feelings for both of the first moms of our kids over these last almost five years. We have tried to maintain contact even though they are not able to return the contact that much. It can be discouraging but have heard through other family members that they still appreciate it. So I've decided that unless we hear specifically and directly that they no longer want information, we will continue to try as long as there is an open channel.
I would send regular emails and pictures and hope that when/if she is ready, she will be able to return contact. It's hard but I'm hoping for you...
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