How do you deal when your child goes from normal to special needs?

We attend a special camp for children missing two or more limbs. Several of the children there lost limbs due to meningitis. Those parents had healthy children and then suddenly had very disabled children. Some are missing all four limbs. The biggest difference I saw between the kids who were able to do a lot for themselves and the ones who were not is how thier parents treated them. Some parents become over protective, and really who can blame them? I don't know that I would not be the same way. However, other parents become determined that thier children will be as independant as possible. They push thier kids to figure out ways to do things on thier own. I have spoken to many adults with similar differences to my children and asked the successful ones what made them so. They all say that thier parents and others treated them as normally as possible. They talk about thier parents giving them chores, and telling them to figure things out on thier own. One time we were talking about junior high and how tough the first day is (especially for kids in big districts who have to be with a bunch of new kids) We all know children can be cruel. She remembered the first day being rough and her mom sending her back. She called her mom and asked her about it. Her mom remembered the day vividly and told her it was one of the hardest days of her life. When her daughter came home crying and begging to be home schooled and to not have to go back. She said it took everything in her to send her back the next day. The daughter was surprised, she had never realized her mom struggled with that. She said that going back was the best thing for her. The second day she found some of her elementary friends and other kids got up the courage to ask her questions and once they understood they stood up with her to the mean kids. Kids got to know her and got to know and like her as a person, and see past her disability. I know for some parents if the child had a life threatening illness, it's easier to accept them as disabled because at least they are alive. Other children I have met who lost limbs in accidents, lawn mowers, boats, etc. Those parents seem to have a much harder time accepting the new reality. They have to grieve thier old life. One parent told me she was jelous of those of us who adopted because we had none of the guilt that she had. She had been told her child's condition was congenital and that she had not caused it, but in the back of her mind there was always the wonder if maybe lifting a heavy box, or the one drink before she knew she was pregnant, or something she did caused it. Anyway, it is an interesting topic.