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Hello,
We have a rather confusing question. We began sheltering 2 children through DCF two years ago. Since, parental rights have been terminated and we are in the process of an adoption. However, one of the children came to us as a newborn and developed an extremely strong bond with my friend of 15 years. My friend has no children of her own and is unable to have children, so the little one considers her Mommy. Since we live near, my friend comes and goes with the little one as she were her own, but the siblings still have regular contact. So we decided that we would adopt the children since it was through me with the state, and then allow my friend to adopt the little one. However, we were informed in a round about way that if we ever want to surrender the children, we can only surrender back to the state, which would mean we can't allow my friend to adopt this child. While I see the reasoning behind this, I have to argue that these children have been placed in our custody for over 2 years and are well cared for and loved. The sibling bond will not be broken. Does anyone know if there is a way around this or if this is nonsense and once I adopt, the children are legally mine to do as I wish with them. Or can I fight DCF on this? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Christina is right. It is unethical. You are by-passing home studies and other forms of protection for the child. That said, it is legal for parents of adopted children to place them with other people and permit adoptions. Several people on this board have disrupted adoptions, or have taken in children from disruption. However, you could be in trouble if it came out that you adopted the baby only to give it to your friend. That would be adoption fraud which is a crime.Why not suggest your friend get certified as a foster home and become a foster parent/respite parent for your children? Then she would be in a position to adopt legally.
Actually, I see a need for more details. We are relative caregivers to one sibling, we have never fostered at all before this. The other child was born after we began this process and placed with us due to her relation with the first child. My friend is also an approved caregiver, as to at the time of placement, I was not married. So basically, I ended up with 3 children rather quickly. My friend was a huge help in this process, she underwent all of the same screening as I did.
I would prefer to split the adoption versus adopting and having the friend adopt from us if possible. We are not trying to do anything ugly here. The children have a wonderful bond and we are always together due to our close friendship.
I don't want to adopt these children for the sole reason of allowing my friend to adopt a child. We love these children. We didn't realize this was how things would turn out in the end, so now we are just wondering what is best. We don't know if we should delay the adoption more by asking the state for a split or if we should just take care of that ourselves in the end. I hope this clarifies things a little more.
Ask DCF to split the adoption. That is the right way to go about it. However they may refuse because Florida is big on keeping siblings together. I would still request a sibling seperation staffing and see what they say. It is helpful your friend has a bond with the child. If they say no and you do it anyway later, DCF could come back and take all the children. Since this is a sibling group you should be getting some kind of adoption subsidy, if you give up one of the children DCF will know about it, same with Medicad. Yes once you adopt they are yours, but there are still things that keep you connected to DCF even after the adoption. Nothing can keep you from letting this child spend a lot of time with your friend after the adoption, but as far as anything legal, I wouldn't attempt it without DCF saying it is ok. Also something to think about....if DCF found out you did something like that, you would never be allowed to adopt from DCF in the state of Florida again. If you have any other questions please PM me, I work in the system here in Florida.