Has anyone out there adopted a teenager?

Originally Posted By CPMommyI haven't yet but you and I are in the same boat. Let's KIT.chanaypowers@cs.com

I wonder if you have any updated news about your adoptions? We are going to meet for the first time in 4 days our 14-yr old daughter that we propose to adopt. I'd love to know how things have gone in your families! Thanks!

I have had my first match with my 15 , now 16 yr old. She has been with me for about 7 weeks. Its been quite an experience. It is one that I don't believe you can totally prepare for. At least thats how it is for me. I've gone through all of the parenting classes ( I've also raised three children as a single parent) and have read so many books, but It was a completely unique experience to say the least. Being a single parent made it a little harder I think. Things are going well now, but we've had upsets which we are working through, and probably will for many months. I know now why there should be many visits and overnights before you actually have them move in. I believe that a few visits are just not enough. Its like when you're in the hospital and have a baby, you really want to take that baby home "now", but when you do , you realize that you are physically not ready and should have had a little more time for R & R. That has been my experience thus far. She's a great kid and it will work, but it has been a difficult life adjustment for me the past seven weeks. NRJ

Hi! I would really like to hear more about your efforts with your new daughter, DH and I are currently filling out our paper work and adding an addition to our house to make room for a child(ren?) We also are wanting to adopt an older child. and left me tell you, we hear the, "but NORMAL parents are properly bonded with their children before they become a teenager" and other unhelpful things. Any insight or experience you can offer would be great! Ani~

Thanks for the great advice. I am very excited to get her moved in NOW...but I concede that it is better for her to have many visits first. And based on your comments, nrj, I can see it might be better for us too! Your new daughter is Jessica? (I noticed under your name.) Our child is Jessica! Does anyone have advice on that very first visit? I am somewhat nervous knowing that she can say "no" to joining our family even after just one visit. I am worried it will be difficult to be ourselves under such pressure...like a first date! We have already planned to take her and our 2 bio kids to the zoo...but first have almost a 2 hour car ride with her (just me and DH with her during that time). What will I say? Help!!!

My first visit went rather well. Jessica was so anxious to meet me, her foster mother had to calm her down. She is a very affectionate and caring child and that I already knew. She had also had a recent disruption and really wanted to be accepted. One of the reasons that a previous family did not go through with n adoption is for that reason. I am an affectionate person ( an Italian kisser and hugger, don't let the "JONES" fool you) so I felt comfortable with the hugs we exchanged. Our first meeting was with her caseworker also and we all went to the mall and out to lunch. I wouldn't really worry about Jessica not wanting to join your family. It is my understanding that that doesn't usually happen. My Jess deeply wanted a family to call her own. She has been in fostercare for about 4 yrs. We had our next meeting just the two of us and everything came naturally. We ended up only having two meetings not counting the initial meeting with the caseworker. and they were about 5 hours each. I tried to bring her home because of the travel time. She was about 3 1/2 hours away and the 7 hour drive was getting to me, since I drove by myself. The social worker thought it was going too fast and now I know that she was right. It is working though and it will be ok, but three visits were not enough to get to know eachother enough to know if its a real good match. Lucky for us, its working because I "did not" want to disappoint this child again, she was very upset about the first family not taking her. Good luck and just be yourself, you'll be fine. Nanci