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So I grew up in white small town Wisconsin. I don't know much about the AA culture.
I was talking about my future fro-baby (afro) and apparently that wasn't a smart thing to say. I didn't know, what can I say. I know that the "n" word is bad but that's about where it ends for me.
Can you please share from your experience the do's and don't's of raising an AA child. I need to wisen up.
Missy:confused:
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At the risk of wading in on this thread, I was unfamiliar with the term so I took other poster's advice and looked on the internet. Here's the type of site I found: [url=http://fro-babies.blogspot.com/2008/11/thou-shalt-do-thy-fro-babys-do.html]Fro-Babies: Thou Shalt Do Thy Fro Baby's 'Do[/url]
This person didn't seem to find the term offensive, so it does seem to be a term some people do and others don't. Like most terms, I choose to err on the side of caution so it is a term I certainly won't use. Having said that, it does appear to be easy to trip over terms that some find offensive.
I guess what I'm saying is we all have to do our best to be careful with our language but we also have to have some patience and help educate others who may not know or understand what influence that language may have on other people.
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[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Who is the author of this blog, what race are they? While Blacks are not monolithic, I have yet to come across any of my peers calling our kids fro babies. The term fro is old, to begin with, and unless I am out of touch an older guy may say patting down the "fro".In my peer group, we parents will use styles such as: 1/2/3/4 or a few ponies, tastefully arranged. Neat box braids, and simple cornbraid styles. We do not have our daughters running around with fros, or random braids all over their heads. Our son’s hair are usually cut low, natural hairline or lined up. If they have a little height tp the hair, it is patted down. So the term fro does not apply. When they are teenagers they may try a certain style, but we usually keep on them to keep it neat, and clean. Blacks have had many negative terms applied to us over time, and those of us who have sense keep within a certain category. Check out the Obama girls hair styles. Hopefully it is okay to add this; I will remove it if it is not. Here is a link to racial slurs, that I came across, and it is comprehensive to include all races:[/FONT][URL="http://gyral.blackshell.com/names.html"]The Racial Slur Database[/URL]
Thanks for the link to the database, it's very helpful. Interesting, as many terms as it lists, it doesn't list the term that started this thread. Which certainly doesn't mean the term is acceptable, it's just another example of how many terms are out there which can be offensive and how no one can know them all.Thanks again for posting it.
OakShannon
I've gotten those reprimands IRL. I remember the time I used the word "minority" in an ethnic studies class in college . . . Ouch. Not a comfortable experience.
But . . . I never used that word in the same way again. It did make me think. So that moment of discomfort served a purpose. Sometimes we don't have a clue about how much we don't know until someone points it out. It doesn't feel great, especially when we know that we didn't mean to offend anyone. But if we did - there's no point in shooting the messenger.
I think it's valid to ask someone to examine seriously - if they are not yet able to recognize an offensive term - if they are really ready to be a TRA parent. Some of us didn't grow up in diverse areas and we have a lot of learning to do first. Do you live in a diverse area now? Do you have connections to the AA community now? If not, do you have plans to move? Have you thought of ways to increase the diversity of your social circle? Are you willing - as people are suggesting - to do a lot of reading and research? Those steps should come first, before the baby comes home.
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Thank to those who are giving the positive advice. I had posted here before reading up because I thought not only would I get a quicker response but I would get one that is current and from the horses mouth. so to speak
I am reading up and surfing the internet. I never meant this to be my only source of information. Just another one.
My husband and I will be moving to a larger more diverse city in the next few years.
I am glad to get positive advice from you all. THank you
There are already a large range of replies but I had to throw in my two cents.
I come from a family that has more cutural diversity than the UN (aa, cc, fijian, mexican and philipino...just to name the majority). There are a lot of terms used within the family that in the more sensitive outside world would be considered offensive (absolutely none derogatory or mean). Though I haven't heard anyone use fro-baby I could easily picture one of my uncles calling one of my aa nieces their "fro-babies". I do know one of the younger girls is nicknamed Kizzy-Puff...refering to her ponytail that is ever present since she won't sit still for any other hair style.
I think that family/nicknames used in a loving and non-hurtful way are totally different than a stranger using the same terms. I called one of my aa cousins to get her take on "fro-baby" and was laughed at. She couldn't figure out why it would be such a big deal.
I guess my bottom line is...the inappropriateness (sp?) of words and nicknames depends a lot on the person and emotions behind them.
Leisha
Learner of Life :coffee:
Taught by Three Boys:rockband:
Active Duty Military :unitedstates:
One Day Adoptive Parent
MissMonkey, may I suggest reading the ARP Blog ([url=http://www.antiracistparent.com/)?]Gratuitous cute kid pic! at Anti-Racist Parent - for parents committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook[/url] There are quite a few discussions and articles on parenting trans-racially, dealing with raising a child of a different race, and raising your family to be more sensitive to racial differences while still celebrating them.
A few years ago Barbara Bush was attached for calling her biracial (hispanic/white) grandchildren her "brown babies." Obviously, as a grandmother she meant this as a term of endearment, but people were all up in arms over it.
I try to be sensitive to racial terms I use, but there are times within families and close friends, things are okay. One of my AA friends and I joke about "those crazy names" some folks pick for their kids. Would I have that conversation with just anyone on the street? Probably not, but my friend and I are cool like that. And my kids are lovingly teased that they are the whitest kids on the planet, they are practically flourescent. It's okay, that doesn't define them, it is just a naturally occuring part of them.
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Hmm same as the Hurricane Katrina refugees who are used to inferior things anyway? Sure its not a big deal if it does not affect one, or their history. Or maybe that Black friend gave Carte Blanche to say its no big deal? Maybe saying its not a big deal should be said behind closed doors as well. I would just love to say that to my kid, oh its no big deal.
My DH's family is Hispanic. He has many cousins, and one dark skinned female cousin is called "negrita" by everyone in the family. Her pale, redheaded sister is called "mona". They call me "mueca chocolate" (I won't even translate that!). These may sound racist to some, but they are all terms of endearment to us. I completely understand Babs Bush calling her grandchildren her "brown babies" as pet names, not as insults. It's not for people outside her (or my) family to say that that is racist. It's not being said to you or your kids.
sbaglio
My DH's family is Hispanic. He has many cousins, and one dark skinned female cousin is called "negrita" by everyone in the family. Her pale, redheaded sister is called "mona". They call me "mueca chocolate" (I won't even translate that!). These may sound racist to some, but they are all terms of endearment to us. I completely understand Babs Bush calling her grandchildren her "brown babies" as pet names, not as insults. It's not for people outside her (or my) family to say that that is racist. It's not being said to you or your kids.
My endearing terms for my kids stays where it should, behind closed doors. I am sure they will thank me later on too. My entire post is discussing brushing off anothers concern. Not just the aspect in reference to Barbara Bush. Who said she was racist, maybe a bit too out of touch, to be fully aware of what she says. Which is a perfect example for this discussion. Racism is not always the proper term to call a person who makes an insensitive remark. Many gray situations.
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