In need of some advice...asap

Dear Breeze22, Hey there! I'm Janey. I can't really tell anyone else what to do, of course. But I will say that relinquishing my children was a very tough thing to do and has had life-long repurcussions for me. I was young when I surrendered my daughter and son and I think if I would've been older, I might've chosen different, but then, hindsight is always 20/20. One positive thing I would say is that you have time before you need to make your decision. You still have 4 months before your baby is born, plus the time after he/she comes into this world. So my only advice would be to slow down a little bit and just take the time to sit with this awhile. You don't need to make any major decisions right now. You can take some time for yourself. Keep posting here. There's lots of good people who are honest about their own experiences and will share with you as you come towards making whatever decision you feel is in yours and your baby's best interests. In the meantime, make sure you get lots of rest and take of yourself, okay? Hugs to you today!

Thank you Janey...My mom had me when she was 16 and while my life was a little unorthodox I know that she loves me and that she knew she had to keep me and I am grateful she didn't give me up. I just feel in my heart that if I had the baby that I could not give him or her up. My situation may not be ideal, but I know how much I mean to my family and I would not want to deprive myself or my future child of that. I am still scared, because this is huge...to choose to do this alone. That is what scares me the most...am I strong enough to do this alone, will my broken heart allow me to love this baby the way it deserves or will it create resentment towards the other half.

Hiya and welcome. It's NEVER an easy decision, is it? (((((Breeze22)))))) Ok, I'm going to say that it sounds from your post that you would like to keep your child if possible. Take the time you have now to find out how to do that...even if you and the father are no longer together, he does have a financial responsibility to his child. You WILL be able to love this child the way it deserves! And you more than likely CAN give this child everything he/she deserves! When you have kids and you decide to parent, you just find ways to manage. You do. I guess I'm saying most of the time, because there are some situations that would be hard raise a child in. Remember, adoption is a permanent solution to what are often temporary circumstances. I came from the closed era, I was barely 18 and adoption was the only option offered up to me. I was so ashamed and so insecure that I jumped on that. I bought into the 'you'll never be able to provide what two parents can' blah blah. It's not always true. And the parents that adopted my son did get divorced. So where's the two parent family then? Anyhoo, sorry for getting off topic. You DO have time. Take this time to research. Relinquishing is heart wrenching and life changing (not in a positive way) even if it feels right. So I cannot imagine the horror if it doesn't feel right to someone... Keep posting! We'll try to help you no matter what you want to do!

Hi First Congrats on your pregnancy. Whatever you decide there is reason to celebrate a new life. Your post gives me reason to believe that you really want to keep your baby. You have gotten some wonderful advice from mother's who have gone before you and relinquished their babies. This is a pain like no other and it will be with you for the rest of your life. The good thing is that you do not have to make any kind of decision right now. Take time to let this all sink in. Read what other Bmoms have to say. AT some point you can ask yourself if your fears are worth the risk of a a life long heartache? I can assure you that you WILL love this baby and you can parent. There are so many resources out there these days if that is what you are worried about. You know, I am an adoptee and belive adoption can be a beautiful thing, but whenever I read a post like yours I believe that there is an inner voice speaking to you because you really do want to keep your baby and I believe babies should be with their natural mothers if at all possible. Please understand that this decision is yours, I am just giving you my opinion FWIW. I know one thing from haveing my own babies, that falling in love with that little bundle far surpasses any other love possible. As much as I love DH, when that baby was placed in my arms, that was my world. EZ

I 2nd on the last comment. First of all while you get closer to having the due date you will get more attached to the baby. But when they are born its amazing its hard to understand how you can love someone you've never met soooo much but when you hold them for the first time you love them more than you thought you could ever love. Its wonderful because its a love nobody can take from you a love that is unconditional.

[QUOTE=Janeytwo]Dear Breeze22, Hey there! I'm Janey. I can't really tell anyone else what to do, of course. But I will say that relinquishing my children was a very tough thing to do and has had life-long repurcussions for me. I was young when I surrendered my daughter and son and I think if I would've been older, I might've chosen different, but then, hindsight is always 20/20. One positive thing I would say is that you have time before you need to make your decision. You still have 4 months before your baby is born, plus the time after he/she comes into this world. So my only advice would be to slow down a little bit and just take the time to sit with this awhile. You don't need to make any major decisions right now. You can take some time for yourself. Keep posting here. There's lots of good people who are honest about their own experiences and will share with you as you come towards making whatever decision you feel is in yours and your baby's best interests. In the meantime, make sure you get lots of rest and take of yourself, okay? Hugs to you today! BREEZE22, PLEASE LISTEN TO JANEY, I too welcome you and am so thrilled to know another angel is about to be brought into our world...so CONGRATS! I am also, like the previous wise ones, a Firstmom, I relinquished 22 yrs ago+, twin sons. I too, have also terminated a pregnancy, so do understand somewhat of your journey. In relinquishing, I have found no resolve, I grieve and feel as though I hold my stomach in each day..all day. BREEZE, when "we" relinquish "we" all feel it is for the greater good of the child. We want "our" children to have "ALL THE THINGS, WE CANNOT GIVE IT'. My friend, please do not think that is what YOUR BABY wants...it is not. The child knows NOT of material things...the child DOES know that it has a bond and love that cannot be replaced by material objects, and knows that all it NEEDS and wants , is LOVE, safety, food, shelter, and guidance...all of which "our'children know we, as Mothers can give. It is never easy raising a child alone. I do have the experience in this department also. My son, whom is now 29, lost his Dad in a car accident, when he was 3+. We were also seperated, trying to work things out, but knew it was probably not going to be. It was amazing knowing each day, I had this little person, whom loved, needed, and yes wanted me to take care of, but most importantly had conficence in me, that I could. Yes it is tough, but very doable. As for this babys' father, you will my dear friend survive, allow yourself this small window to grieve the relationship, then realize, there is indeed a baby growing and thriving inside you, that really needs you to bring him/her into this world healthy. You can do this by staying calm, reading, eating healthy,listening to music, and yes talking to this belly-mate, you have tagging along. This baby is hearing all you hear...feeling all the emotions you feel(stress over Dad),and even hiccups if you get excited. Don't allow your child unhealthy emotions. I, like the others cannot tell you what you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT DO, but "we" can tell you, there is plenty of time to decide, actually all the time YOU need, even after the baby arrives. Do not even think of relinquishing this baby, until you have met this baby, then try to parent for a week or 4...no hurry. If you then feel in your heart this parenting thing cannot work, then call the agency/attorney, and go forward from there. When we do relinquish, we think we are giving the child a chance at a BETTER life...not true...we are giving the child a DIFFERENT life, nothing more, nothing less, and then we have no idea of what quality of life we have bestowed upon them! You have Lots of time.. sorry for the rant, just letting you know I, along with many here, have been where you are on many levels, and "WE" are here to listen when you need someone to hear. Blessings...P.S., I am now 47 yrs old...I have learned alot...so much more yet to learn...but I know 1 for sure thing...A man( any man), is not who defines us, we are a strength all in our own.

Thanks everyone for all of your kind words. They are incredibly encouraging and helpful. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to find out exactly how far along I am and if the baby is healthy. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything is ok. I am not sure what it is but I feel different, maybe my stress levels have gone done...maybe it has been me talking to the baby, but my stomach is not in as much of an uproar as it has been. I think I finally realized that this is bigger then me and then a relationship with a guy, this is just something entirely different...maybe that is what is making me feel more calm. I am not really sure. I am just going one day at a time, I am nervous something might be wrong as I have not felt much of that fluttering feeling I have felt over the past few days and I am not showing much at all...at least not visible to those who are around me. I guess I will just have to wait and see what the doctors say.

Breeze, I am glad you are feeling calmer. I will be praying all goes well at your appointment. Once you see that little heartbeat fluttering away on the screen you will begin to fall in love and your mind will be put more at ease. Please continue to come here because we care about you no matter what your decision. I look forward to you update tomorrow. The wonderful bmomma's here are a wealth of experience and information as are all the other members. EZ

Breeze, I am glad that you found this board, while I have never been in your shoes I know that you have a difficult road ahead. Please do not rush to any decision that you may not be able to change or regret in the future. You have time. Look into all of your options and know that when you need support there are lots of people here who will know how to help you or where you can find help. As a previous poster said sometime our circumstances are temporary. Maybe this will encourage you. My sister was your age in your exact situation. She felt she had not recourse except for adoption. However, she found that with a support system in place she was able to keep the baby, continue her education and now has a great job and her baby. I have a wonderful nephew. You have to do what is right for you. Also, if you decide to place the child for adoption, be VERY careful which agency you work with. Make sure you do your research and find a situation that will work with you and your desires. I wish you all the best on this journey. TAKE YOUR TIME, and don't let anyone presure you into doing something you don't want to do.

Dear Breeze, I know how scary it is to be in your shoes...I became pregnant at 16 years of age, and I relinquished my son at birth when I was 17. I remember the fear, the panic, the doubts. I also remember the incredible connection I felt to the baby growing within, how I never wanted him to come out. I knew that as soon as he arrived, he's be whisked away from me. You say that inside your heart, you know that you can't place this child for adoption. If this is what you truly feel, listen to your heart...listen to your gut instincts. There are a lot of financial assistance programs and resources to help you, if you need a foot up. Be sure to investigate which programs you're eligible for. Your local Department of Social Services should be able to help you or at least refer you to someone who can. I hope you'll stay with us here and keep posting. We may not have all the answers, but I promise you we'll listen. Good luck, and keep us updated! :loveyou:

Please do not resort to adoption. Most mothers who went down that road before you feel that it was a permanent solution to a temporary predicament and deeply regret it. I'm not saying this will be easy, but nothing can be worse than losing your child forever. Don't believe that open adoption is the answer either. Open adoptions are not legally enforceable. Would you want to take the chance that the adoptive parents will live up to their agreement? Thousands found out the hard way that they have no rights when it comes to holding adoptive parents to their word. The adoptive parents can cut you out of your child's life any time they choose. They can move away without a forwarding address. There ARE options. Here are a few resources to get you started: [url=http://www.keepyourbaby.com/]Keep Your Baby - Celebrating Natural Families! - Homepage[/url] [url=http://www.lifemothers.com/parenting.html]Lifemothers - Poetry[/url] [url=http://www.impregnant.org/]I'm Pregnant[/url] Should you want to get in touch with me to help you clear up your feelings about adoption and parenting, assess your options or for help with your current needs, please do not hesitate to email me. I wish you all the best.