Birthmothers

I understand what you're saying and it's good to know that you feel good about birthmothers but I do have to say, it's not always best for the child or the mother. A lot of times the child is given up merely because the woman can't see the future and know things can work out if given the time. She thinks there's never going to be a time when SHE will be able to give her child the things she wants them to have. There are those convinced by society that giving your child away is "right" for the child because the child needs all these "things" and "two" parents yet there are people who are single adopting children and people who adopt a child who struggle financially their entire lives and the child doesn't get the "things" they "want" only the things they "need". So how can that be better than the original mother keeping her own child if she can at least provide the things the child "needs"? I just feel if a woman/girl is giving her child up so the child can have "things" or "two parents" they are misguided in what's right and wrong for the child. How can a child being taken from it's mother be "right" if it's only so the child can have "things" or "two parents"? The woman is most likely going to get married someday so the child will have two parents. Her circumstances will change and most likely get better and she'll be able to give her child "things". Of course there are those whose situations that really do warrant giving their child up and some may not ever change in their circumstances and things are better for the mother and child to be parted but that's so rare that things would never change and the girl/woman would not be able to provide the things for her own child that she thinks someone else would be better doing. I was brainwashed to believe that I would be a bad mother because I was so young but only 2 short years later I was a mother again and married and then 2 more years later another child. I got divorced and then had another child a few years later (not married to the father) and I was a good mother. Not perfect, but good and I did give my children the things they needed. I could have done the same for my first child but no one gave me the chance. I guess adoption is just not something I think highly of. Yes other people who can't have children and want a family who adopt can be good parents but so many forget the sacrofice the original mother made in giving them that child and don't care what she's going through as long as they (the adoptive parents) can have a family. Yes there are those who really do appreciate and care about the birth mother but so many don't. Especially those in the closed adoption era. They just feel we as birthmothers should have died so "their" child would never have to deal with us and neither would they. Sorry to go on like this. I'm just feeling rather depressed about things lately and not having a relationship with my daughter due to her adoptive parents interference. I just can't feel "good" about adoption right now. I really never have. Rylee

Rylee45. I agree with you 110% on what you said! I too was coerced at 16 to surrender my daughter, almost 30 long agonizing years ago!! I was made to believe it was for the best. But no one thought about the consequences and the pain I was to endure! I was told to do the most unnatural thing and move on. Easier said than done! My relinquishing my newborn baby has traumatized me to my inner core, and I will NEVER FORGET (cut off someones arm & see if they forget) And if this wasn't the worst of it I too have to deal with her a-mom's interference and lack of knowledge! But I refuse to give up HOPE!!!!!!! A firstmother is where it all starts and she should NOT BE FORGOTTEN!!!:wings:

Sorry for the pain you two ladies are obviously feeling today. To the OP, thank you for your words, I believe that adoption can work - I am not from the closed era though (those birthmoms do seem to have a lot of pain), I am in a current open adoption. Nothing more to add, just wanted to welcome you to the forum and thank you for the post:flower:

Dear KDX2, I am a birthmom from the Closed Era and I wanted to chime in with Heart_String and also thank you for your kind post. I - as you so eloquently wrote - did do what I felt was best for my children. I was not coerced but faced the reality of life in my circumstances and made what I thought was the optimal choice for the welfare of my daughter and son. And I am thankful to their parents who opened their home to both my children. Considering how the world tends to judge birthmothers, I wanted to thank you for your kindness. It means a great deal to me. All God's peace your way today.

dear mom, I'm not sure all the rules of this thing~ If I'm allowed to say, i'm writing about us moms who gave up our babies because 'society' told us it was best, but our hearts and bodies know we're supposed to be with our babies, please contact me if you can, or wish. I've been learning some important stuff about the chemistry we go through giving birth and I want the world to know what's happening when we're separated from our babies! triana brianandtree@yahoo.com