dont know what to do?

:grouphug: Sounds like you have made the decision to raise this little guy. I think you just need to get your "ducks in a row" so to speak so YOU are able to financially and emotionally raise this little man. Kids are a blessing, but they grow and need things so getting your ducks in a row and figuring out how to have a stable life both physically and emotionally is important as well as being somewhat financially able to raise the baby. Keep in mind you can still LOOK at potential families. If you decide to parent and raise this baby that is okay too. You need to do what is right for you and the baby. :) Good luck!

I just found this forum, but I don't know how to do this very well.. I am Triana, I gave up my little girl 10 years ago. I tried to get her back the very next day..My situation was exactly the same..but I was suddenly and powerfully driven to be with my baby. No one could understand why I changed so radically, Myself, included.I tried for ten awful months... I recently found out about scientific research that described the changes my body went through after she was born. I want you to know that your situation..financial, or family, will change again and again through-out your life. But your baby will always be your child, and you probably already feel this in your heart, but I'm here to tell you that you are going to be the best mom for baby. Your body and even your brain will grow so much, so suddenly..This may sound weird, but a MOTHER is quite literally BORN also on that day.. where a girl like you or me stood only a few days before. Trust your instincts..they know whats best. I wish so much that I explain better. Your baby needs you, because you, and no one els has the chemistry you share with him/her right now. trust yourself

First of all you need to get involved with a young moms program or counseling where you can get information on the support you can get for parenting. It seems, from what you have said, that you want to parent. You need to get away from the agency and find a resource that will support you in your parenting plan. PM me if you need resources.

I felt the same way that you do now. its a hard decision to make and only you can make it. only you can know what is best for you and your unborn child. you just need to fallow your heart and keep lost of solid support in your life. i hope that helps. i just wanted you to know that every parent that has done hat you are doing has had the same feelings. good luck and i hope all works out for you!!!

You should definitely consider ALL your options, not just adoption. Have you looked into services that are available to help you raise your child if that is what you decide? Also, you don't have to make this decision a final one right now. Wait until after you have your baby, and get to see him or her. Your feelings can change dramatically after you have your baby. You can also try parenting, and if you find you are not able to manage, you can still choose to place later. I would not lock myself into a definite decison right now.

You are a 20 year old soon to be MOM :love: Should you decide to place later, then you can be first Mom, but for now, you sound like you'd like to be Mom. There ARE resources and support than can help you do this! Like the others, I ABSOLUTELY encourage you to seek out those options and parent your little guy. Best of luck!! :flowergift:

And yes, I would suggest getting away from the agency that's encouraged the placement thus far. There are unbiased resources available to you. Good luck! (Again ;))

I am looking for someone to help in your situation What area are you in??? get ahold of me if nothing but to have some to talk to!!!! Ive been there!! yahoo.com

Don't decide to give your baby up until you have that child in your arms. Thank God if no one is pressuring you into adoption. If you can't imagine life w/out your baby then it should be apparent what you should do. Keep your baby and learn from your mistakes. It takes a lot of maturity to be a parent. This will help you grow up like you never believed. Giving up your child will only make you want another baby because this baby is your blood, your sweat, your tears. If you give this child up you will feel like someone took out all your guts. It will hurt like you never believed. Rhonda BMTexas BM to one mother to five

I'm not a birthmother, but I'm a single adoptive mom of a wonderful son I adopted from foster care. I've also parented 14 other kids through the foster care system. I couldn't ever tell you whether to parent or place---that's a really personal decision only you can make. But I will give you a few things to think about if you're contemplating being a single parent, or at least a parent without much support from your baby's father.Being a mom is the best job in the entire world. My son has brought me more joy that I could have ever imagined having. But being a single mom is also a ton of work. I think that being a good single mom means really committing to putting your child first, all the time---and that means making some tough choices.Are you prepared to commit fully and totally to another human being? To putting the baby's needs first, above your own wants and a lot of times in front of your own needs? That's the first and biggest thing you have to decide. Kids absolutely positively have to come first: in front of jobs, boyfriends, friends, everything. If they need you, you drop everything and go to them.Sometimes, that means giving up on a social life. I don't date much---I have to pick my little boy up at daycare by 6, and he has to be in bed by 8 to get up for kindergarten in the morning. Babysitters are incredibly expensive, upwards of $10 an hour. Family and friends will sometimes babysit for free, but I don't know very many single moms who get free babysitting every week if they aren't living with family. For me, it means that I just don't get out much. I don't mind--I'd really rather be hanging out with my son playing Monopoly Junior or building Legos, but if you really value your social life, you should know that a baby will cut into it.Are you ready for a huge upswing in the amount of time you spend doing chores? I can't figure out why, since they're so little, but having a kid dramatically increases the amount of laundry you do! I also cook real dinners for us (when I was alone I just grabbed a burrito or made a sandwich), which means planning menus, doing the shopping once a week, cooking and cleaning up each night. It doesn't sound like much, but it adds up to a lot of hours.Do you have the job flexibility to leave your job if your child gets sick? They do, and often. You either need the flexibility to go home if you need to, or a really good backup plan for a babysitter for a sick kid. Daycares won't let them in when they're ill, and if you are your family's sole economic support, you have to make sure you don't lose your job if you need to be home.Do you have a good support network, people you can blow off steam with? As much as we love them (and it's a lot!), kids can be frustrating. You need to have a way to deal with any upset or frustration you have without taking it out on your kid. Is being with your child really, truly, amazingly important to you? I love being with my son---he's a wonderful, wacky, funny kid and I admire his strength and his creativity. I carve out time away from other things (social life, hobbies, travel) to be with him. Are you the kind of person who would want to hang with your kid?Is having a lot of money really important to you? Single parenting causes a HUGE financial impact. You can't work overtime. You might not be promoted as fast, since you can't devote as much energy to the job as somebody with no kids or somebody with a stay-at-home wife can. Statistics show that single parent families are the most likely to be in poverty--and that is because we just can't be as career focused as people with more help and more resources are. If you need to be rich, single parenting makes it a lot harder. (I have a pretty good job, but I could be making scads if I took the time I spend with my son and devoted it to work. Luckily, money's not super important to me. We have enough, and I'm very glad of it, but it's definitely not luxury living).I'm not saying any of this to scare you off. If you can parent your child, that is the best possible option. But I think it's important to be realistic about the enormous task that single parenting is, and to be totally committed to making it your top priority in life. If you are---wonderful! If your kid is the most important thing in your life, you can work the rest of the details out as you go.

Good post..bouldarbabe...you laid it out honestly and precisely. All from the presecptive of a single mom.

I agree to all of the above posts. You need to do what you can to parent this child.....by boulderbabes definition of parenting.It's all about trade offs.At 20, you should be just fine...as long as your child's welfare comes first....and you can ALSO take care of yourself while taking care of your child. You can't give 110% all day everyday without needing some way to re-charge....but as a parent you're severely limited in your ability and options to recharge...as a single parent it's even more so.You can do it, if it's what you want badly enough. Kids don't need loads of stuff, they grow out of quickly....as long as you're emotionally healthy (manageable stress levels) and not running yourself ragged, you can do it and it will be enough for your child.My family had some money growing up, but my mom was always depressed and stressed out and overwhelmed and we never did anything together, ever because it was too much effort. As a child, that affected me more than the outright abuse I suffered as well.....Get a piece of paper and write down exactly how much money you'll need to live on including childcare, and make sure you have a plan to meet all your needs.Nothing says the placement plan must be made before entering the hospital. There's no reason you can't change your mind later (tho, I don't think you will). I know a couple expectant moms personally, who took their babies home with them until they could decide for sure what they wanted to do. Some kept and some placed.