Its all going so fast!

any updates?? Just curious! :love:

Long time, no update! After the CC-lady sent a letter to my bMom, my bMom called her a couple of times. From what I'm told the calls were very emotional and lengthy. I was glad to hear about it, however, there were things about it that still make me mad. The big one was that after the first phone call with my bMom, the CC-lady did not call me. Instead, she goes around me and calls my aparents and tells them about how my bMom and bBro both have some sort of diabetes, so I'd need to watch out for that. My aDad, of course, calls me up right away, thinking that I'd already been called and because he's not sure why they'd been called at all. This is how I found out that my bMom talked to the CC-lady. Talk about a break of trust. :/ I wish I'd told her how truly upsetting it was to have been gone around like that, but I didn't. I wanted all the info out of her that I could get about that phone call so wasn't about to blow it. Anyways.. I was told that extra patience might be necessary and that in the meantime, I could get a letter together for her to mail off to my bMom. She told me she said the same to my bMom and implied that she felt it could arrive "any day now." Well, that letter never came. (There's also the chance that the CC-lady wouldn't have called me even if it did.) I never could write out my own letter to have it sent through her though. She broke the trust so completely by going around me that no letters felt right. So I sat on it all up until about six months ago. Between what little info I did manage to get by initiating the search and some online public record searching, I found the address I needed to mail a letter myself, and did. Still no reply from my bMom. (It is possible the address was wrong but I never had anything sent back.) The online searching also gave me other addresses to bfamily. I found a bUncle online and have recently sent him a message. I'm hopeful he'll be more receptive. I got the idea that my bMom has a TON of emotion about the adoption. And that my bBro probably doesn't have any idea that I exist. Or that my bMom's current husband knows anything about this chapter of her past. The last bfamily member I'll try, should the bUncle me non-responsive, is my bBrother. As much as I don't want to intrude on this family, I kind of feel like he has the right to know I exist. If he doesn't want anymore contact after that, that's okay. Anyways, I wish I had more fun stuff to update with! I'm crossing my fingers big time about the bUncle.

When I started to contact my birthson everyone on here kept saying welcome to the emotional rollercoaster. I didn't understand at the time because things were going so great. But I soon began to find out what they were talking about. There are so many emotions from both sides and we really don't know what the other person is thinking so definately communicate your feelings. And take things very slowly. Good luck with your reunion with your bmom and keep us all updated!!

Nothing new to report, but with my birthday coming up, I've got some thoughts to blurt out and figured I may as well keep it all under the same thread! I've been having some stompy moments. You know, those times when you just wanna kick a rock down the street and feel sorry for yourself for a little while? Yeah, totally there. Now, this isn't stuff I normally think about. I am mostly optimistic about everything and do not put the value of myself as a person into reunion. Reunion would be fabulous but I'll move on if it doesn't happen. That said, I need to kick some rocks! (Gotta purge the negativity somehow.) Oh how I wish my bMom was one like some of the bMom's I see on this forum who are hoping to be found! I wish she was as curious and excited about the idea of direct contact (even if just letters) as I am. I wish the lady at CC didn't tell me that she'd only had ONE other adoptee in all her years who had a bMom would refused contact. Maybe she was just trying to let me allow myself to have some hope but now I just feel "special" in a bad way. :/ (Soooo tired of feeling special.) Sometimes I feel it is rather unfair that I have not yet received a letter back from my bMom. I sent her a very nice letter with a couple of photos. I am understanding that emotions are difficult but at this point I'd prefer a "rejection letter" over the silence. I wish people would stop telling me, "You have her address! If I were you, I'd just show up at her door!" It bothers me because I have said, over and over again, how not-good doing something like that could be. It makes me feel as though these people are treating this part of my life like a TV drama. It would be great if friends and family would stop suggesting every single adoption related show to me. I mean, with so many of them being reunion-type shows I end up feeling like the poor kid outside the ice cream shop, watching through the glass as all the other kids get to have a cone. I really wish that someone in my bio-fam would tell my bBrother about me. Its been implied that he doesn't know I exist. (He is 2 1/2 yrs older. He may not recall his Mom being pregnant with me. And yeah, he stayed with her.) Best birthday ever would be him finding out and reaching out to me before I finally end up breaking down and sending him a letter first. My arm is tired of reaching. I want someone to reach out for me for a change. There are days in which I wish that I didn't want to reach out in the first place. That my curiosity wouldn't flare up, or that it would just stop flaring up. Most days I don't think about any of this- Oh but when I do it is just so intense and maddening that I can't have some simple things answered! Apparently my bMom knew my bDad fairly well. Would be great to know his first name. I'd like to try and find him, but have next to nothing to go on. Okay, I think I've kicked enough rocks for one day! :grouphug: Now, for my birthday, I -am- actually doing something super cool for once. It was kind of spur of the moment but me and my aMom are going to swim with dolphins! I think this is a good year to have an epic birthday. With all this adoption stuff being on my mind currently, I could sure use the distraction. Can't think of a better one than this. :D

:cake: I hope you had an amazing birthday!!! AND I want to wish you the best in your journey through this thing called Adoption- which, by the way, we didn't have any choice in. Or rights for that matter. I admire the way you are handling things. I don't know if I'd have the same calm, cool patience. (I know you prolly aren't actually patient, but it looks that way from here. ) I'm gonna watch this thread and pray for some resolution. My journey is just beginning, but my story would resemble yours as I have tried to start many times only to run into closed doors. This time I'm not giving up even if it takes a PI (if I can afford) Luck and Love Scar:cheer:

Back again. I may have given up by now but I figured why not do one more round of searching to see if any new faces showed up online around where I located my bUncle. Wouldn't you know it, there were!! So I googled the new names only to discover that my maternal grandmother (who was alive at the time I started trying to contact bfamily) had died. This was disappointing, however, due to her obituary I gained knowledge of what her most current surname was, which led to finding her maiden name. I also confirmed the names of my two aunts (they are younger half-sibs of my bMom). And now it gets interesting. One of these aunts had a son.. who she also put up for adoption! I found this out because she had a listing on another adoption site. She seemed very open to finding her child and it made me hopeful that out of all these silent family members I've tried that she might actually be the one to respond. So I sent her a message. It hasn't -quite- been a month but I'm getting nervous that I've hit yet another dead end. I think, if I had anything to make a plea for when it comes to an adoptee seeking out his/her bio family is that, even if you're not okay with reunion, that you please just respond and say as much. I think if I got that at this point I'd be relieved because then I'd at least know my messages have been received! Anyways, I'm thinking of possibly tracking down this adopted cousin. Do people do that? Go around the connected bio-fam altogether and just stick to looking for other dispersed bio-fam? Any guys out there born in Volusia County FL with a 1/22/83 birthday? :) I swear, just when I'm ready to throw in the towel, the story gets just intriguing enough to want to continue. x_x

Keep posting 9251977...I am listening. I know it's frustrating. I am not a big fan of waiting either. I hope that things eventually work out in your favor. But I am watching for your next post to see what happens!

9251977- Yes, please keep posting. I am in a similar situation...I started searching last year, after sitting my AParents down and telling them I was going to (VERY emotional moment, and felt like I was disappointing them, but knew I needed to - for me and 15 month old daughter at the time). Anyway, my case worker also located my BMom and I learned some information. My BMom married another man 1 year after I was born, and they are still married. They had a son 2 years younger than me (she could not have more children after that), and he does not know I exist. There have been phone calls between case worker and BMom, and what started out as incredibly positive, with great prospect that BMom and I would begin communication and eventually meet in person, now looks like she "cannot go there" and it is "too painful". She has said several times that she loves me and it has nothing to do with me (that it is all about her and her pain), but it is soooooo hard, and I find myself really hurting sometimes - down deep inside. I am so surprised by it because I truly believed when I started searching that I would be able to accept any outcome. Peace and blessings to you!!! Kris :0)

At long last, a reason to update this post! Due to an old, faulty mouse that likes to randomly click things on pages I'm looking at, I ended up putting in a friends request on FB to the biological brother who I'm not sure knows I exist. Since there's no way to undo that, I went ahead and sent him a message. He's been the one bio-fam member that I've been the most hesitant of outright contacting. I had hoped something more would come from my B-Mom being contacted, but nothing did. No outright rejection. She did talk to the social worker but there was nothing for me directly, not even a letter. Anyway, he responded! o_______o He asked me a couple of questions for some general verification and then some others that made it seem like he really -doesn't- know I exist, and then said he'd like to go ahead and verify with Catholic Charities so I gave him the number of the lady who had spoken to my B-Mom. So.. I dropped a bomb on this poor guy tonight. Our round of exchanges were kept short and simple but I did like how he made a point to say he wasn't trying to come off as impolite, but that he needed to verify stuff. Told him I understood, no prob! Anyway, I'm hoping that this will all go well. A friend asked me what I would ask him after the verification took place and I discovered that I have no idea right now. I think I've become so used to silence that I didn't let myself wonder about what I'd ever ask of him. All my would-be questions have always been for my B-Mom, as if she were the gate keeper or something. Really did not think I'd be talking to my brother first! :o

It's been a while - but glad to see an update!! Good Luck! I have no idea 'what' you can ask either?? maybe some medical questions you might have? Again - please keep us updated... :banana:

Verification for my bio-bro is being stalled by the construction of be filing cabinets at CC. What irritating timing. I found this out today when I called the case worker, as she hadn't called me back since the first time I spoke with her. Kinda wish she'd have told me then that this was going on!! Later, I also find she hasn't called my bio-bro back -at all- which is quite frustrating. Thankfully, he let me know that as well as said he'd be trying again on Monday. I'll be doing the same just so I can ask that someone -please- call him and let him know what's up. I shouldn't be the one having to tell him about some busted old cabinets!! :hypno:_______:hypno:

CC had me do a new release form! And my bio-bro is going to do his tomorrow since he'll be in the area of the new office so tomorrow may be the day he gets the verification he needs! Tell me, how am I supposed to sleep tonight? XD

:dance: :rockband: :grouphug:

Updates! My bio-bro did get the verification and we've been talking here and there ever since. I've been making a point not to rush things or get overwhelming with questions, as there are some complications. He also confronted his mom (my b-mom) about this, to get just a little more confirmation. She gave him the letters I had sent her some years back and said it was up to him if he wanted to talk to me. However, she also said that only her own mother knew about me (she's passed away) and that maaaybe her brother knew... and that she'd like to keep it that way. :C Unfortunately, this left my brother in an odd position. His close friends are also family members, which leaves him with a rather small list of people to share this with. He's said he's upset by it, a little mad, but that he feels he needs to respect her wishes. (Personally, I'm okay with this because she may change her mind after a while and in the meantime I get to know my sibling!) So, he had no idea I existed and he thinks its really cool. Seems I lucked out and have a brother (turns out he's a half-brother) who is as curious as I am. We've swapped photos and stories and compared personality notes. A little over a week ago we finally spoke on the phone! We're certainly on the same page about taking is slow, but not -so- slow that we never talk, and seeing where all of this will go. We don't have a HUGE amount in common but I can say I like his personality thus far. :)

Just read this thread from the start - it's been a long trip for you to get to this point, hasn't it?I'm always happy to see a search and reunion story with a happy ending... or a happy beginning, really! I'm sorry - I'm sure it's rough that your birth mother doesn't want contact at this time, but I think it's wonderful that your biological brother has been so open to connecting with you - once he was sure you really were who you said you were!I also found biological (half)siblings - in my case, 3 sisters. I consider myself VERY lucky that they've all been incredibly welcoming to me, though I would say that one of them is clearly somewhat less comfortable with the discovery than the other two. With all three of them, I'm working on keeping the lines of communication open while not demanding too much... taking it slow and finding a balance. And, of course, the balance is different with each of my sisters. It's hard work sometimes, but it is so very worth it.I wish you luck as you create this connection with your brother... and hope for a future connection with your birth mother as well!