adoption of stepchild without parental consent

Regardless of the feelings and words of his biological mother, your state has laws about what constitutes "abandonment" of a child. They usually have to do with how long it's been since the absent parent has complied with court orders to send support or otherwise provide financially (for example, providing health insurance), and sometimes they have to do with how long it has been since the absent parent has attempted to contact their child (contact being in any way, shape, or form, including phone calls, e-mails, letters, birthday/Christmas gifts, and even Facebook-type contact). If his biological mother has legally abandoned him, then the procedures to terminate her parental rights can usually go through. She'll have a chance to argue, and show any evidence she has that she didn't actually legally abandon him. Then the judge will decide. Since the child in question is 17, the judge is sure to ask him what his opinion is, and the judge may decide to act in the way this child prefers. So have this conversation with the child and your husband first, to make sure *everyone* is on the same page. The child will have a new birth certificate, a new legal mother, etc. He will no longer have any legal tie to his biological mother, no longer be each other's next of kin, and no longer have any inheritance rights from her side of the family unless he is specificially named in a will. There may be other considerations too. So consider all the pros and cons, and discuss them in depth. But when the child turns 18, the rights of his biological parent will no longer need to be terminated in order for him to be adopted. He is an adult, and can make that decision for himself. The three of you (husband, wife, son) will need to submit the appropriate paperwork with signatures, and spend some time with a judge. That's usually all there is to it. The same pros and cons apply. I believe all 50 states allow an adult to be adopted (with some stipulations, like the adopting adult must be X years older than the adoptee, things like that that you probably satisfy just fine). But check your state laws to be sure. Hope that helps!

The absent parent's consent is not needed if the court finds that the child has been abandoned. It's usually defined as at least one year of no contact and no support, but the definition varies by state. At his age, what he wants will be more important than whether his biological mother consents but you will need to find her to notify her of the proceedings and she will have a chance to speak to the investigator and the judge if she wishes to defend herself against the abandonment charges. The court usually rules consistent with the recommendation of the court-appointed investigator who will interview all the parties. You'd have to check your state, but likely after he's 18, it's something he can consent to entirely on his own. I loved being finally recognized as my son's legal mother, but it did come that years later I had to truly grieve and accept that it still doesn't make me biologically related to him and that's a particular connection we will never have, and my adopting him in no way erased the connection he has with biololical mother and her family. Now, as much as I love the legal recognition, it has little bearing on our relationship- it's something that we build on our own and a reality that we make between us on a daily basis no matter what the papers say. I'm his mom beccause I am, not because a paper says. And she doesn't stop being the woman who gave him life and passed her genetics on to him and connects him to her other children and other relatives, just because the courts severed her parental rights. I know that sounds like obvious logical stuff, but they were things I had to really come to terms with emotionally, even though I acknowledged them as logically true for years. Best wishes to all of you.

Thanks both of you for responding! In our hearts, we have been mom and son for many years, and my fiesty son would immediately put anyone in their place who tried to suggest otherwise. However, I have tried very hard to never belittle my kids' absent parents, and have held off pursueing adoption of him until I hoped we wouldn't have to prove abandonment. Even though that's what it is. On my son's 16th birthday, he received a card and $50, that is the only gift he has received from her that I know of, which is a few years before we married when he turned 9. She has never sent 1 penny for support, and actually was not court ordered to, since dad received full custody and she wasn't working. (I know, that's still wrong, but happened). I have signed many papers for him over the years, I'm sure some I had no legal right to, like for medical care and such. That phase of life is ending soon, but I very much want him to spend his adulthood as much my child as my other children, and to never be told any different. He deserves that.

How can I adopt my stepson's without the biological mothers consent?